In “Nikea” publishing house released a new great book called “Soul Apparel. On the beauty of the divine and the human. ” Its authors – a psychologist and teacher Natalia Yining and the priest Pavel Kartashov reflect on the eternal riddle of human beauty: the joy of taking yourself and your appearance, beauty, humility and wisdom, that is male and female beauty, the inner beauty of maturity and old age, and Beauty and inseparable connection, kindness and integrity of the individual. “Matrony.ru” website published a chapter from a book written by Natalia Yining.
Women’s beauty – a gift, a curse or a product?How amazing incarnation is hidden in the word “woman”: mother, wife, lover, inspirer of heroes, the muse of poets and artists, tender, passionate, sincere, faithful, forever loved and forever beautiful … but a beautiful ideal is sometimes so far from the reality, with which we have to meet on a daily basis. Life crumples, crushes, breaks this amazing image, and instead of the “Mona Lisa” by Leonardo da Vinci or “Spring” by Botticelli – beautiful Simonetta – other images appear in front of us …
Something elusive and beautiful, truly feminine, irrevocably disappear from the faces of modern beauties, sultry and seductive samples of mass culture. Women cease to be beautiful, they are starting to use this gift of nature as a profitable and perishable goods. It is necessary to have time to settle into a good life, and the beauty in this case – a ticket, pretty good marriage is easier to find a good and interesting work, to make a quick career, and so on. To maintain the beauty of the
whole industry is built all sorts of services – from beauty salons to plastic surgery. Massages, peeling, fitness rooms, spa-salons, plastic surgery clinics, diet, pharmacology – is just the tip of the iceberg called “women’s race for beauty.”
As a result, the beauty of a woman becomes a kind of fetish, a peculiar form of dependence – the whole life is subordinated to self-improvement. Endless tightening, wrinkle removal, breast augmentation, its decrease, change of body shapes and so on and so forth. Now imagine a woman who makes the next operation facelift and in a mirror, in which looks after the stitches are removed, no longer sees his face, and someone else, but the smooth, unwrinkled. Horror! HG Wells did not think of it, he stopped at the stage of extinction, if we recall his “Invisible Man.”
There are, however, similar to the image of the classical literature. Hero of Oscar Wilde in his “Portrait of Dorian Gray,” the envy of many women today, because he remains forever young and beautiful, without a single blemish age. However, a portrait in which the artist depicted his beautiful face, is beginning to change. Each hero evil deed, not touching his face, leaving a heavy mark on the portrait. Ultimately, with the pictures on his eternally young and beautiful owner looks wicked cruel old man, irrevocably lost all its former beauty.
I remember in one of telecasts participated Lyudmila Narusova, then still a wife of her famous husband, Anatoly Sobchak, the first mayor of St. Petersburg. She was asked: “You’re a wealthy woman, why you do not do plastic surgery for facial rejuvenation?” The answer Narusova I really liked: “I’m not going to give up on its behalf, – she said. – For every wrinkle is a certain stage of my life, which was not enough only joy but also pain. And I’m not going to give his life for the sake of modern fashion for the perfect look. ”
A similar response to the question: “Do you want to lose weight” – gave a beautiful Italian actress Monica Bellucci. Her answer was a response to a real woman, “I’m not going to lose weight for the sake of the infantile men who define the modern standards, preferring the skinny models, more like boys. They are simply afraid of these women, their frightening beauty of women. I was, what is and is not going to be different, unreal. ”
These remarkable women in fact talking about one thing – in the pursuit of seemingly perfect appearance is always the risk of losing itself. However, very often it is the absence of self, deep contact with each other and generates this strange relationship to improve their appearance. This includes the shopogolizm, that is an endless running around the shops in search of another beautiful gizmos or dresses. I know many young women earning well, they spend nearly all their money on a lot of things that have nowhere to go, but, nevertheless, can not stop and go into any shop tucked under the arm.
For this peculiar form of dependence based on the same mechanisms as for any other – a deep fear, lack of contact with himself and the loss of the meaning of his own life. As a result of the struggle for self-improvement and endless samoukrashenie starts to become psevdosmyslom, some idol to whom the altar is placed sometimes too much.
But there is the other extreme – the young attractive woman, marrying and giving birth to one or two children, is rapidly emerging as “aunt.” It ceases to care for themselves, breaks in a comfortable, but extremely unattractive home clothes and “stands up to the machine” – washes, irons, cooks, cleans, washes, cleans, and again in a circle, and so every day.
Care home are themselves an integral part of the life of a normal woman, however, and there may be biases. I will never forget how my mother my friend jumped up from the New Year’s table for fifteen minutes before midnight and rushed to the bathroom, thinking that she had to soak the laundry and it should certainly dostirat – enter the new year with a basin of dirty laundry, it turns out, Bad sign. Discouraged by relatives and friends were silent for the holiday table, and waited patiently for the return of the mistress, who had returned to the family just in time for the battle chimes. Dirty laundry was much more important than the real people sitting at the table.
Men I’ve ever advise, often complained that their wives are more interested in housework than life together. As a result, a man begins to feel like an appendage to washing, ironing and cooking, although formally it is all done for him.
Of course, this topic is very complex and ambiguous. Women really have to solve the lion’s share of domestic problems, but the non-participation of women in this process is partly a result of the lack of wisdom and sensitivity in today’s women. Instead gently and respectfully to attract a man to solve economic problems, she turns it into a porter earner and consumer of all that it is so hard to produce. That is the subject of the man, the individual, the person is reduced to the object of claims or actions. “What are you then stood up, can not you see, I have the floor washed, natopchesh and again wash me,” “Well, what a terrible potatoes you brought, did not see that it is rotten”, “How do you keep the child, it is uncomfortable, give I myself “and so on and so forth.
Women complain of loading and fatigue, and it is quite true, but they often charge themselves this very heavy load and drag it out for yourself, caving in under its weight. Guilty, of course, it is the husband, because of him, pest, it has to pull the brunt of their life together.
Note that in families where women are transformed into “draft horses”, men often drink, and sometimes drinking. Of course, in the men’s alcoholism only blame the women unfair. However, this relationship is obvious, next to a strong woman a man begins to feel weak and useless, and if he does not have vents in the form of a job or a hobby, it is likely to take up the bottle.
It is fair to say that the theme of the relationship between men and women is extremely complex system. We’ve talked about infantilization men, but it’s time to admit that the feminization of women is also another serious obstacle to building a harmonious, healthy relationships between men and women.
I had the opportunity to consult a lady who lived to be 45 years, but never built a family. She was very beautiful, spectacular, occupied a high position, has always revolved around the man, but all ended with a short novel. Building deep relationships require too global changes in its settled life, and so she was totally unprepared. However, when she went up to his forty years, it turned out that in her ideal picture is missing one very important detail – the child. This was her new business challenge, and she came to her decision with the same systemic business approach, which helped her to climb the professional Olympus. But it turned out that such strategies do not work in all areas of human life. No matter what tricks she neither invented, the child does not want to come to it, live a little soul frightening prospect that this lady has built in his head.
I remember one of our conversation. I listened as she spoke about the child and the man, has appointed the genetic father. It felt as if she were talking about some kind of financial flows and builds large-scale logistics. For her words could not see living people. I said, “Are you sure you really want a child? There is a feeling that you need it in order to fill some void that exists in your life. But the child can not be a means to solve your problems, it is a value in itself. Are you sure you really want is a child and not another toy that will entertain you for a while? Imagine, for he will cry and hurt, and grow quite quickly, he ceases to be a nice pupsikom, and you have to decide it is no longer a problem for children. Having a child – this is very serious and responsible ”
She did not seem to hear me, “Yes! I’m sure I want a child “” Well, – I continued, – imagine that you have given birth to him. What will you do next? What will your new life? “The answer was honest:” I’ll sit with him two or three months, then hiring a nanny, though she was sitting with him, and I will go to work. Nothing really should not change, there will be a small child, it’s so wonderful! “- She said, smiling sweet.
Such stories I know a lot of things are not retell, but one thing is clear – egocentrism women also prevents them from entering into the fullness of the feminine essence, as the self-centeredness of men is on the way to their true masculinity.
I remember once I had to advise one adult, successful woman. She earned enough to regularly visit all sorts of treatments to improve their appearance. We worked with her for about six months, and suddenly one of the meetings she said sincerely, and with despair: “I do not so sick! These wacky recreational trips, massages, peels and gyms. I earn to spend all this life of luxury, and again earn, spend, and again … This is some kind of a bad run in a circle that has no end. I want no more to spin in the Ferris wheel. I want to find a meaning in their life! ”
The woman at heart was an intelligent and deep, and she had a normal human needs, but the environment and the profession (she studied advertising) have left their mark on her lifestyle. However, the healthy part of her personality could not accept the fact empty and meaningless gloss, which she had to conform, because the surrounding people lived that way. The realization that life – it’s more than money and pleasure, pushed her to seek other meanings. It gradually became involved in charity and in a short time completely changed my life. No, she did not quit her job and went to the monastery. She just felt a deep joy that can help someone, that her life needed not only to herself. Her soul, her heart opened to meet the love and compassion, and it gave her nothing but a deeper sense of their lives. She embarked on the path of finding themselves, not just their appearance.
Once I went to the temple, there was a feast dedicated to the Virgin Mary. I was traveling from afar and therefore quite late for the service. The people there were so many, and I did not sneak into the church center and stood near the entrance. Right before my eyes was the icon of the Mother of God. I began to take a closer look at the face. Gradually my thoughts subsided, and in came some special silence, had the feeling that I was looking at the icon is not with physical eyes, and eyes of the heart, the soul. And I discovered an amazing picture – Virgin holds a small God, Her Son, Jesus Christ, keeps gently, firmly, gently, but her eyes are not on the child, she looks into the sky, from whence came the gift. The Lord gave her this child, he entrusted her with something very precious, priceless, she is responsible for this gift, but her soul is at the same time and primarily oriented towards the other world, to which the connection Her indestructible. I was shocked by the depth of this feeling. It is this simultaneous representation of two worlds – to keep the light of heaven, divine love, obedience, humility, gratitude, fidelity, but at the same time, the ability to love and to the world, take care of it, fill it with peace and quiet – this is the real femininity.
And if it’s higher purpose of women we are able to keep in your heart, in your soul, then everything else – external beauty, care about the attractiveness of the family, his house, the desire to decorate, to improve the world – is part of a general and a nice concept: to bring the world of the Divine beauty – the beauty of goodness, creativity, peace and love.