Psychological background of rumors is very diverse. We begin our review with quite “innocent” of the phenomenon called social exchange of emotion, or rather feelings. This phenomenon largely reflects the “positive” aspects of gossip and explains why a man so hard to keep from them, as well as the circumstances in which they are “negative”.

Social sharing – what is it?

In recent studies, particularly in the theory of social exchange or separation experiences, emphasizes that experiences are social: people are almost always shares his experiences with others . More or less unusual situation and cause feelings of social interaction in 80-95% of cases cause their members need to discuss the incident with others. This is due to the fact that the verbal exchange of experiences as if “resets” them. Therefore, even a simple expression of emotions often leads to the relief of the state.

The theory of social comparison L. Festinger noted that adults tend to accurate self-understanding, comparing himself and others. In his theory of cognitive dissonance contained evidence of the interdependence of people, if the experiences are unusual, unexpected, they can influence the self-understanding and thus to challenge the validity of the basic belief system. When people’s expectations are not confirmed, there is a cognitive dissonance between expectations (commonplace) and reality, and people tend to reduce dissonance by rationalizing, understanding of the discrepancy.

In other words, after experiencing an unusual problem experience people need to communicate to others helped them to reduce cognitive dissonance, to help in the fight, to offer new points of view – how the interpretation of events. Exchange helps to develop a survivor of trauma, and the general public the ability to predict the situation and the consequences of their actions, the ability to control the situation and create a new one. In the dialogue, expressing the experience in terms of people forced to classify and organize the contents of experiences, in addition, in the course of the narrative, they can specify and objectify experience in a script that can help make the incident more understandable.

Social sharing experiences also contribute to the formation of a generalized knowledge base and production of meanings in every culture since the dawn of human consciousness. After all, human experiences are not only fleeting and short-lived episodes of intrapersonal.

In numerous studies around the world B. Rome and colleagues noted that recreates the experience to share with the addressee (real or symbolic) and change something – or a destination. The reasons and motives of social exchange, allocated in these studies are as follows:

express pent-up emotions, try to ease them to recall or re-experience the event in order to find an explanation and a clear sense of the situation;
“Bonding” – the desire to reduce the feeling of loneliness, facilitate social interaction, receive consolation, empathy;
to find solutions to the problems created by the case, find a guide, ask for advice, get help, support, legitimize and check their experiences, get their approval and confirmation;
fun, draw attention to themselves and to get attention from others, perhaps to impress others.
Why something is silent

However, a number of events specifically kept secret. In the “unpleasant” situations, superior cognitive moral or human resources, the percentage hidden or simply displaced from the events of consciousness may exceed 5-20% of normal. Sometimes they say that people can not be divided in terms of extremely intense experience events, because they are simply inexpressible. There are phenomena such as alexithymia, others “blockade” of experience and experiences within the individual, leading to various psychosomatic diseases, such as asthma, etc.

However, most people are motivated to review and discuss the life events. However, the feelings associated with feelings of shame and guilt, as a rule, are divided less and with fewer people. While the exchange of positive and ambivalent (ambivalent) feelings about the event involves self-disclosure, the expression of negative emotions, such as feelings of shame and guilt associated with reticence.

Based on the fact that social sharing – the source of the formation of positive and strong relationships with others, many people practice exchange in order to build and maintain such a relationship is. Therefore, obvious reasons for silence: the desire not to offend anyone, save your image in the eyes of others, to protect his privacy and of itself. The discovery of such secrets would be prejudicial to social relations.

The phenomenon of “broken telephone”

Furthermore, there is the problem of “secondary social exchange.” Social sharing involves confidentiality, but in most cases the narrator’s experiences become the subject of secondary and subsequent exchanges with other people. Privacy is an illusion – the exception rather than the rule.

The primary social sharing includes “repeat”, where the same person reported an episode. The secondary social sharing included in other process in which information is transmitted through a chain of people, while initially obscure aspects of the situation, as a rule, will be distorted – there is a phenomenon of “spoiled phone”. Thus, in the process of social exchange people process information through the filter of already existing beliefs (its “symbolic universe” as the prevailing system of values and meanings).

Gossip as a manifestation of latent aggression

However, if there is enmity between people or dislike – whether they are conscious or not – social sharing becomes a weapon in the war against the other: the declassification of its secrets, especially the “random”, can cause damage to the image and relations of whom narrates “doubter.”

“Doubt” or “chance” – positions that reflect a latent, repressed aggression against another . Thus, gossip used to change the relationships between people, but as a form of social exchange experiences, they often focus on strengthening their relations and government, entertainment and understanding of ourselves and the world “due to” damage and disintegration in relations and ways of life of other people. Gossip encourages others to condemn him, whom he says.
Gossip will inevitably change the relationships between people, although attitudes are highly variable and of themselves. To refuse them is very difficult, and the strength is often a person a good understanding of the law of the boomerang “on someone else’s misfortune to happiness not to build,” and knowledgeable about yourself and the world more than others: “Knowing – he says, speaking – do not know.”

The root causes of gossip

The basis of gossip – the conviction that reflects one of the leading modes of latent aggression. The aggression that comes out of a total rejection of the man himself and the world: his own unacknowledged and lack of love in its relations with the world. In fact rumor reflects an attempt to take revenge – at least someone – for what man does not like and do not like, is not understood, and do not understand, do not respect and do not respect, not accepted and will not accept, not sincere, and sincerity is not awarded. Many of the most serious conflicts and gossip around them are on the field experiences that the person or violates someone else’s dignity, he never learned to be worthy of loving communication, which seeks.

As noted by A. Maslow and A. Adler, a man can respond to his “unworthiness” and “unworthy” of the other is dual: 1) try to correct and overcome the isolation of their world of experience as everyday ordinary experiences in which “suck” is permitted only other people’s problems and disadvantages, and turn from relaying foreign experience and expertise to himself, his experiences, the flow of life, closeness and success, or 2) accept on faith the belief that his experience is sufficient in order to judge all and all, to abandon the development and understanding of their own experience, to live other people’s experiences and gossip, trying to compensate for a sense of inferiority and achieve a fictitious superiority, not letting anyone change their experience.

Gossip people full of instinctive fear and hatred of the true, virtuous men, and holiness throughout extraordinary that challenges their habits. Malicious gossip, in contrast to the “normal” exchange of experiences, in many respects – a manifestation of latent despair, caused by lack of understanding and lack of love, the inability to change something and the realization of uselessness, the complex emotions associated with the destruction of relationships inside and outside of the individual.

Confrontation gossip – this confrontation latent aggression: it is not necessary to join, do not condemn, but can help a person to realize himself what he is doing, starting with the question “What are you doing?” And ending with the question: “Why do you need it?”. You can refer to the concepts of human / people – about the world, about themselves, to change them – if they are interested. If not – the choice is simple: join or leave.

If the victim of gossip – I myself

If a person becomes the victim of gossip, then it is necessary to solve only two questions: 1) whether there is a gossip something productive for him, 2) who these people (transmitting gossip) for him and for the world.

Rather than deal with them, to change and to help change the world around them, the person often makes a series of severe towards himself and errors people: 1) trying to prove to the public that it is “good” ( “normal”), 2) trying to earn ” love “of the community and its representatives, and get help from him. For all of these attempts to prove that it has all the “good” to earn this love of society, get away from it support people often lose sight of the more important point: love as the essential manifestation of man and his relationship does not require that it deserved it there always . The question is, can a person love – in the sense of showing love, whether it is whether it is able and ready and surrounding it in this or that particular moment in true partnership, transpersonal, essential, deeply human relationships, and if not, how to learn and teach how to help myself and others to become yourself, partner?

Saints Optina elders, answering the question, “do the works of love” call even if the soul of man seems to himself and others, “infertile”, making “acts of love”, a man gives her a place in their lives, within yourself: “If you find that you do not have love, and wish to have it, then do deeds of love, though at first without love. The Lord sees your desire and effort and invest in your heart love. ”

In concrete terms “to do acts of love” means:

care, share with each other, donating time and energy to each other, to help the world around them;
tolerate each other, and the burden of life itself ( “uncertainty avoidance”, “coping”, “vitality”, “sore relations”, “ability to let go of” negative experiences, the difficulties of others and ourselves, giving events and people “to explain themselves yourself ‘);
to respect themselves and others to correct their own mistakes, not only and not so much others mistakes, understand that good behavior – with dignity and respect themselves and others, life itself – the key to proper behavior and happy life.
In addition, people live in harmony, understanding that his problems – a private, concrete case of human life problems. Removing experiences “exclusivity”, “undecidability” of problems to overcome tendencies towards overgeneralization, disasterization experienced negative situations – a way to resolve them. This firstly removes the “saturation” experiences problems, and secondly, transfers in the plane problems applications requiring more or less immediate and measurable solutions it, and thirdly, reducing the need for external support.

Productivity overcome conflicts and problems, out of the “obstacle course” is determined by how a person is not included in the terms of endless repetitions of unproductive scenario, including gossip and gossip about yourself and the world, is ready to change, understand and resolve the conflict with the position of preserving and multiplying love: respect, tolerance, caring for one another.