I used to, going to work at seven in the morning and returning in the morning, I was sure that I have no right even for a second to slow down the rhythm of work. Otherwise … Above this “different” I did not think. What happens if I say, I will take a week of hospital, and will not, swallowing medicines, simultaneously infecting others, delirious heat scribbling urgently report the number of regular cultural event? The newspaper did not come? I have forgotten how to work?

Do not conceived until now, with the tall temperature, at the very beginning of pregnancy did not go to an interview with the director, who the next day was the anniversary. So that the text needed in the day to write and deliver. A few weeks later, lying in the hospital with a diagnosis of “missed abortion”, I finally realized that if I had not gone to the interview – nothing would have happened with the newspaper. Even if at the moment there was no one to replace me, the director could call and ask a few questions, just to congratulate him through the newspaper! Alas, saying that a fool learns from his mistakes, he turned out to be just about me.

So what turns me on the work slowed down. Not in the sense that it has become worse fulfill their responsibilities: I love what I do. No, I just realized that if 20 hours a day to give to any one area of life, the other just does not have time. I even came off, that was so great to spend with her husband! And if I felt sick – I stay home.

And then there was the maternity leave, the birth of little girl … With the first child for some reason especially was very tired and really did not have time. So I was engaged only in my girl … and a half years to her realized that really want to work. I began to miss not only the activity itself, but also the very atmosphere of the editorial board, the long corridors, even the guards at the bottom, you want to show a pass and bustle of public transport, from which you try to close a book. It is only now I realize that I did not have it implemented in the profession, instead of the entourage around her. And then – I could not stand it and went to work, leaving her daughter eighteen months to grandmother care.

It turned out that this is not so easy! Renting a room in the press, nervously cutting or adding something, I always thought whatever my baby! And I expect the house unbearable torments of jealousy by what is clearly offended at me girl basically did not want to notice my mother and prefers to communicate with his grandmother.

Gradually accustomed, it becomes easier. But experience over the fact that I can not devote the necessary time to a daughter, have not gone away. In the evening I returned, or exhausted, or came late, when she was already asleep. There remained only a weekend, but again, not all of them managed to spend at home.

I remember, at that time one of the online blogging mother of many children conducted a survey on the topic: “Could you sit at home, not working?” I responded something written about the fact that the domestic business – it is also work that is not whether you have just a daily soup, or write articles varish, cross stitching, or teaches German. The answer clearly was written in a situation of chronic fatigue from having to commute to the office, between the campaigns on quite interesting to me a press conference and even more boring boring shooting the movie … Select the “golden mean” between family and work, I have not succeeded.

And then I became a mother again. And, apparently, my son put on my head a small drop of wisdom. Because I finally realized: I can not work. I need to deal with the very same self-realization, which are increasingly heard criticism when it comes to women. Probably, to devote themselves to only the family can truly internally harmonious person who internally – peace with itself. I – no harmonies, solid reflection. And just need to feel needed not only at home to answer the many letters, to communicate with interesting people, imbues their experience and knowledge, to try to allocate time and grumble that I did not have time. Yes, I am still glad that I, too, have made a commitment to the family budget, and I can buy my husband for his birthday that he really wants … If none of that – the children get angry disgruntled mother. And when all the work is obtained amazing images are forces present on communication with children, to build a fabulous city of colored paper to create birds from old socks and even the many interesting things that have their own special charm in each family.

But I’m not ready to go every day to the office, handing the young grandmother or nanny for the day, I want to see how my daughter is doing the lessons and if possible more often secretive with her at lunch. And so I decided that the best option would be to work in freelance mode: I can build your own schedule and at the same time to do only what I really wonder.

However, it turned out that in the eyes of some friends and relatives work at home is not considered a serious matter. “And how do you get tired of sitting at home!” – Shout some. The main thing is not to develop an inferiority complex, thinking that the day of the “seat”, painted on the clock, and is filled with socializing with children, and important professional matters. And all this – not at the expense of each other. A sympathetic exclamations of “boring alone” come somehow from a purely office workers, clerks. And in the discussion I do not enter. Of course, boring: well, interesting things in a conversation with the artist, whose paintings I breathlessly considered as a child, or a poet, whose works are “passed” in the institute?

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