Fold the beaten track in life – always a difficult decision. Whatever you think: have a baby, start a new project, start to exercise regularly and change his profession – to change takes a lot of effort, time, perseverance and support of loved ones …. Well, if your family and friends believe in you, and wish you success. But what if the inner circle skeptical?
Ask yourself again. Sometimes skepticism close upsets us, precisely because it is a rational grain. At the beginning of the project planning, we sometimes tend to overestimate themselves and put too optimistic goal: to start a startup and promote it for a year with zero investment, return to the office within six months after giving birth, to combine full-time and studying at evening classes. “Big swing” – it was good, and even in some sense natural. It’s nice to dream that everything will be perfect. Beautiful fantasy give strength to ensure that begin active operations.
Another thing is that at the planning stage would be good to adjust their presentation “with the reality of the amendment.” So ask yourself: is there a similar criticism of something that responds to your anxiety? Maybe rights spouse that maternity leave should be scheduled at least a year. Or my mother rightly notes that combine current job and their job will not be easy.
There is a chance that when you voiced these thoughts to them (denoting that are not going to refuse from plans, but agreed to make adjustments) – it turns out that they are ready to support you. “You know, I thought, in your words there is truth. May be I should listen and make a little bit different. ”
When the support is really there. Unfortunately, it also happens that the inner circle simply receives a hostile reception any news about upcoming changes. “You are going to seriously start another baby? At 37 years old, crazy? “. “What is your business, you even can not impose a budget.” “To change the profession, and again from scratch? And what are going to live? “- And so on.
The reasons for this could be many. Firstly, the changes are destroying the familiar image in the eyes of the human environment, and this causes an involuntary resistance. Secondly, the established order of things may bring your loved ones some bonuses, which now they will lose. If you go to work, my husband would not get on a hot dinner evenings and a girlfriend from next door can not running too to visit you in the middle of the day.
Or someone from your friends wanted to do the same as you, but for some reason did not dare or wish. Your choice causes them anxiety, since cast doubt on the correctness of the decision. “She still decided to leave on a freelance, can, and it cost me? I would be happier right now. ”
What to do when support did not seem in sight, but you still intend to implement firmly conceived? Be the support itself.
Empathy currently. By “self-pity” usually refers to a state of helplessness tear when you want to whine and do not want to do anything. Sympathize with yourself – is to recognize their right to a bad mood, sadness, even despair periods, and try to treat yourself gently. At the same time continuing to move forward. Oddly enough, when caring attitude to his movement for change is faster and more comfortable.
In our culture, the “right” attitude to himself is still considered the most stringent: not Noah, pull yourself together, there is nothing raznyunivatsya sooner rejoice, yet nothing has been done – and so on. It is believed that such ruthlessness helps to become ambitious and achieve great things. In fact, it is often so exhausting that no progress will not bring joy. It is unlikely that you would have liked the boss, that does not give any positive feedback, screaming at you, makes fun of small mistakes and puts impossible demands. In the “project for changes” planned your boss – you do. Be a wise leader: appreciate, motivate and timely discharge the award.
Is there a good way to determine whether you treat yourself enough carefully. Imagine that you come to a similar problem a close friend or a friend, or your child, or a sister – someone whom you love, whose well-being and comfort are important to you. How would you treat him that would advise, than would support? And why not do the same for herself?
Plan the transition from point A to point B. It is possible, from your present position in life in the desired – a long way. It is broken down into the smallest possible steps and start from the very first. A new profession? Hence, we need new knowledge and skills, communication, possible tools or premises, employers or clients. Child? It requires good health, the financial cushion necessary things for children, opportunity to go on maternity leave. And so on.
Think what could be the very first step. Courses on new specialty? Medical examination? Ask friends who know you are interested in the topic? Do not be afraid of the abundance of what is needed, but is not yet available. The more global your project, the more such things. This is normal. Just shall describe everything you need and plan the smallest first step. And then another, and another.
Do not set unrealistic goals . It is also an element of self-care. Yes, at first Napoleonic plans can inspire. It’s nice to imagine how all the detractors and those who do not believe will be stunned by your meteoric rise. But if the bar is really too high, replace the aggressive and energetic attitude comes fatigue and inability to enjoy the real, maybe a little until victory. It turns out the situation in which you do a lot, but it seems every time falls short. And it’s a constant feeling of failure breeds frustration, eventually forcing the lower arm.
To avoid this, do the opposite: celebrate small victories. Praise and reward yourself for the performance of even the small steps to the target. Plan after them a little rest or reward, even if symbolic: a slice of chocolate, a delicious cup of tea, a good movie, a favorite song. The main thing – the realization that you have taken another step to success. Council “to celebrate any victory” is often neglected: small steps seem frivolous. Oh, nonsense, a difficult call or a letter, a meeting – is this an achievement? That will achieve the goal, then celebrate for real!
The problem is that the achievement of the planned big changes can take several months or even years. But our mind is designed so that we need a “carrot in front of his nose,” every day. You can not postpone joy and pride a year in advance. Especially, if the immediate environment is not ready to praise and support you notice your progress – in such a situation, the small joys are essential.
You can enter into use writing practice: for example, at the end of the day the points to record just how you have progressed towards achieving its goals. “She found a suitable space for rent at an affordable price.” “Sergei Petrovich phoned and made an appointment.” “Appointment for an interview.” “I prepare a document.” You’d be surprised how long would the list: many of their daily achievements, we just do not notice it.
Line up a clear position to talk with someone who does not believe in you. If you have already firmly adopted a certain decision about the changes: getting married, changing job or activity, start a new project – not to engage in long altercation. It takes mental and physical strength and came to nothing lead. Develop a set of short and intensive responses. In such a situation is not a sin to pass bore when you for the fifth time in a calm voice repeating the same thing, the interlocutor no desire to argue.
“Sorry, Mom, but I’m going to finish these courses and to change their profession. Why? Because I’m interested. Again, from the beginning, and I would lose in revenue? As I said, I’m very interested in this sphere. I’m sure, and I can handle the material. Thank you for interested in. ”
Seek support. When in the immediate vicinity there is no support, help and cheer can sometimes most unexpected people: social networks, Friends, Colleagues, nodding acquaintances. Sometimes inspiring stories, read the forums, or even someone else’s biography. It is important to know that there were people who passed a way similar to yours and managed.
Communicating with new acquaintances, all use the same principles of good stewardship to myself: pay attention to how comfortable and supportive communication is obtained. Some people have made their choice, and they would like the content, while ready to talk for hours about how their professional sphere (or a decision to have a child, or fitness classes) are terrible, difficult and unpleasant. Fortunately, there are also those who are glad to new followers, ready to help and give advice. Sooner or later these people will certainly appear in your environme