Mobility – is one of the characteristic features of our time. No one is not surprised by the change of cities and countries. The word “immigration” is used less often – it implies a kind of final decision, the final departure from point A to point B, while you can repeatedly change their place of living in the modern world, having here and there for a few years, and then suddenly settle in a completely different country, or to return home. This “nomadic” life puts before man new questions.
Imagine: you’ve been a long time dream of moving to another country. Do you have a plan for what you will be doing there. Maybe this study for a year or more, the proposal to work, moving to a partner or spouse. Or even just a decision to move to “start over” or because you have always wanted to live in another country. In short, you have some idea of some kind of conditional and always beautiful future, which will start immediately at the airport. Of course, there are enough skeptics who will say to you, “Well, who are you need”, “should not be confused with the emigration of tourism” and other stereotyped phrases. And you’ll be polite or not to answer them, that you are not a naive girl who lives with illusions and images of the guides, you know everything and are ready for the difficulties.
And now, this wonderful moment comes. You start to live in another country, with the prospect of staying there for at least a couple of years, if not forever. Here you would write “happy end” and to finish, but this is not always (in fact, speaking frankly, never does not happen). Because often everything starts to go wrong. More developed plan does not work – or worked, but not as you expected. You knocked down a lot of problems, which you never knew existed.
I experienced such a crisis after moving twice in a lifetime. The first time, when she left for Israel, the second time – when I moved to Berlin. Both times, life in the new location began with very heavy and unpleasant phase, which lasted from a few weeks to two months (as someone is longer). How it looks in practice: for example, you are not warned that you will have weeks to deal with the local bureaucracy, trying to open a bank account or take out health insurance (yes, if you think that the worst of the Russian bureaucracy is not in the world, get ready for an amazing discovery ). For example, you thought quickly and easily have forged new contacts, but eventually left alone. Anyway it turns out that the plan was very vague, and in fact you have no idea about a thousand pieces, of which life is composed: a bus schedule, how to buy a travel card, where a cheap supermarket, which is the unspoken rules of communication, for some areas better do not walk in the evening …
The good news is that sooner or later this period ends, and at some point you feel as if always lived in this city, and the problems of the first phase seem ridiculous.
We can compare this first phase of the crisis (by the way, it is by no means all) with a dark tunnel, where you can only blink and wait for the train to arrive on the light.
But what to do when you are in the tunnel and at the same time feel anxiety, confusion, frustration and anger at myself and the world? Words that are always hard at first, not much consolation in this situation.
The most important life hacking: relax and accept the fact that you will find a lot of problems, unexpected and unpleasant problems, and that’s fine. Because the expectations from the new location, and above all by itself, that all goes according to plan, added stress to an already difficult situation. When you discover that the reality is much at odds with the fact that you have presented, there is a danger to perceive it as a personal failure and begin to feel a sense of guilt ( “I mistakenly thought that everything would be fine, nothing has provided and is now paying for its oversight”). However, in objective reality there is no failure – conclusions about the success and the correctness of the decision to move, you can make at least a year or two. No need to be so strict and demanding of themselves, it obviously does not work in a stressful situation.
There are some practical tips on how you can make it easier to adapt when moving:
1) If you make a detailed plan or a to-do list that you plan to do soon after arrival, do not forget to lay the time to rest and deal with unexpected situations. Things can go wrong at the most unexpected moment. For example, both my move accompanied by technical problems: in Israel almost immediately broke down the computer (which is necessary for work, study and life in general), and in Berlin in a rented apartment did not have wi-fi. Such troubles turn perform the most trivial tasks in a complex quest that inevitably leads to fatigue and irritation, and eventually to a deep disappointment.
2) Do not dump the problem in one pile. This advice is universal and applies not only when moving, but is particularly relevant in this situation. Because it often happens that everything seems to be like a dark spot. It is necessary to look for an apartment and a job, execute dozens of some documents to get used to the new unit of life, and all this against the background of everyday little problems – from feeling discomfort due to the language barrier into a stupor before the machine for cutting bread in the supermarket. All of this at some point leads to despair, and it seems that to solve the puzzle will never be – it is impossible to solve the equation, which is absolutely all of the terms – the unknown.
Here, you will save on the part of the unfolding. Part of the problem: that must be addressed urgently, it may be postponed for a few days, and that can push away unless you understand everything else. Sometimes anxiety does not allow it, and want to build everything at once, but in some cases it can lead to what is not adjusted anything. Therefore, it is useful to virtually ban yourself multitasking.
3) In situations such as those described in the preceding paragraph, it may be a feeling of helplessness and loss of control over their lives. It’s natural, when all your plans are violated due to unforeseen circumstances. Here it is useful to regain the feeling that your life is still yours. With some exceptions, you can always control two areas: their health and relationships with loved ones. Follow your diet, do not forget to sleep enough, do not ignore the symptoms of fatigue, maintain an adequate level of physical activity. Maintain contacts with close friends, who stayed at home, for example, send real postcards: giving a small gift and wrote kind words, you raise your mood and myself.
4) Remind yourself why you need all this. Most worryingly, when in a moment of crisis after the move you forget why were all here. And then, of course, it lost any motivation, because it seems like you for some reason, have committed themselves to the pointless and needless suffering. I would like to turn around and go home, “to my mother.” It is important to clearly define and announce the reason for which this is done. For example: “There I will be able to receive education, which will become popular all over the world specialist,” “there are more opportunities to be successful in my profession,” “is a more comfortable environment for my children,” or even “is a wonderful mild climate and plenty of sun “. You can paste up the apartment stickers with reminders of what advantages you move to another country – it will help create a good support in the development of the new city.
5) Stay tourist. It often happens that, after moving to a new place, a person is immersed in the cycle of domestic problems and did not have time to know the city. In his spare time, do not sit at home, go for a walk through the streets, visiting museums, churches, historical sites, take photos – it will add to the life of a sense of celebration and a reminder that the new place is not so bad.
To go to another country – it’s quite a bold step that requires a serious commitment and mental strength. It is always moving forward – even in times of crisis, it may seem that this is a setback. Having overcome all the difficulties related to adaptation, you get invaluable experience that will always be with you and will be useful for personal development. Even if you decide to return home.