Few families are aware of the fact that their child will die during childbirth. And even more so few parents are willing to share their thoughts and feelings about grief, through which they had to pass. After a series of publications about the dead newborn in Russia, which provoked heated discussions on the web, we found and transferred explicit material magazine the New York the Times , which the parents whose children were born dead, decided to take it to describe what it is – wait for joy, and faced with a terrible disaster – and how to deal with it and move on.
Jennifer. She gave birth to a stillborn child November 16, 2009
My son’s name is Abraham Amaya Imbula. He was born November 16, 2009. Silence during childbirth until now if pierces through me. I remember very clearly how to wear it and how to give birth – all the time that we spent together. I can still hear the smell of his skin. For our family it was a very important period. When my two year old daughter Gabriela saw Abraham, he immediately said that her brother was sick and he needs help – and ran for a doctor. We hugged, kissed and photographed it. I believe that his life had meaning.
We gave him a very nice funeral, gathered the whole family and all our friends. His older sister Gabriela gave him a copy of his teddy elephant, and the baby was buried with this toy. And his elephant she named Abraham and sometimes puts him into my bed to surprise me. Five days of our lives were devoted entirely to the son, but I’m afraid that we will soon forget about it. That did not happen. Memories of him are an integral part of our family life. We love it.
His younger brother Ganira said: “Our family – a mother, father, God, Gabriel Abraham, I Musoma.” Musoma – this is our youngest, she was 10 months. Every year we make a memorable outing in honor of our son. We celebrate his birthday and eat cake in the shape of a baby elephant. When we decorate the house for Christmas, you remember Abraham. We keep it in our hearts.
I want to ask me about it. I can cry, and that’s fine. But it happens that I do not cry. My heart rejoices when I think about it. I imagine that it would be 5 now and think how it could be.
Megan Scott. She gave birth to a dead baby May 25, 2010
I do not think you can prepare for this – it means to lose hope, to think about the worst.
I lost my daughter in the 24th week of pregnancy, and since then, my dream is to become a superhero. When I read or hear about another family that had to go through the birth of a dead child, I want to appear in the blink of an eye next to them and be close to his mother. I would like to guard the door of her house, answer phone calls, sms and messages in social networks, in a word, to do everything to protect it from those who have good intentions, but often acts without thinking.
I want to tell her that what was happening to her, badly. No matter how many people tell her that it is a “law of nature” or “the Lord knows what to do” or “everything has a cause” – the incident has no higher purpose. It just happened, and it’s terrible. In the world there are other women who went through the same test, they know what it is, and can support – both physically and emotionally, can show that you need that you can and should survive.
Naturally, I want to give others the support, which was not mine. But now, looking back, I really want to be in a society talked more on this topic. I believe that my desire to help here due to the fact that labor became a medical procedure, and they will no longer take part in those midwives and women who have passed this knowledge to each other. The birth of a dead child – is not uncommon, but we are silent about it. Time to change the situation. We need to share our stories, to open his broken heart and a story of survival. This is the only way to move forward, remember our deceased children and honor their experience.
Christopher Benedetto. His son was born dead August 20, 2009
Give yourself a time out to grieve, and so will the body and soul healing. There is no specific schedule, because every couple live their unhappiness differently. Absolutely no reason to deny their pain or to escape from it, because it will still catch up and will be to you like a thief in the night.
It has been about 6 years since we lost our son, about two years, we have grieved and then decided to have another child. Since then, we have had two wonderful sons. But sometimes injuring the memories of how my wife gave birth to our first child stillborn, can wash over me like a wave. When this happens, I allow myself to cry because tears free and heal.
I want first of all to turn to the fathers who have experienced the loss of a child. Society dictates to us what we need to be strong and that the demonstration of our emotions – is a sign of weakness. But this is not the case. Allow yourself to live their grief, otherwise it will haunt you forever.
Also, do whatever you think it necessary to honor the life of your baby and to preserve memories of him. When I remember those dark days, becoming the only consolation is that we then did their best to deal with our son and to each other with love, dignity and respect. We took pictures with him. and these shots are very dear to me. We had a memorial service in memory of him and we do it every year. We decided not to bury and cremate him, and ordered the urn for the remains. Today Nathaniel looking after their brothers in their child. Our children do not go away forever – they forever live in all of us.
Betsy Poel. She gave birth to a stillborn child January 13, 2015
Firstly, I’m sorry. This is terrible, this to anyone should not happen. After my daughter died of a triple cord entanglement, I have told so many similar stories that happened to friends of friends! I know that my family tried to support me, but stories that many people have gone through a similar, does not comfort me. So I was even more suffering.
My Catholic faith has helped me to cope. Fortunately, most of my friends – prolayfery . They knew that the 37th week of pregnancy, my daughter, Grace Perpetua, was a personality, and they treated her accordingly. We were able to arrange the funeral and burial, and the knowledge that the Church has special rites for such cases, it is very comforting to me. I know that my daughter will live forever, the Lord willing, I’ll see her again.
This is a very difficult time. Every day is heavy, and there is no one who really understood you. People try not to speak about it, because I do not want to upset me, but believe me, I was upset. I was not ready for such a deep, all-consuming sadness. I’m not easy to meet with the children of their friends and relatives, especially if they are about the same age, so I have learned to surround yourself with people next to whom I feel better, but if not, then such friends do not need me now.
Over time, it becomes easier. Once you stop crying every day. I was, that I cried for two days. I know that God loves me, and with his help I experience it. So you survive. Do not pass but will live this experience.
The material was originally published on nytimes.com . Fragments article translated by Catherine Surkova specifically for Matrony.Ru.