Do you agree with the statement that parents are much easier after her third child was born? If so, why?
Yes, of course, I agree. This will tell any mother of many children. The reason, probably, is not only the fact that babies are very fond of children. With the two-year-old son, amused by his younger brother rattle, no one can match. And if the age difference is not very small, there is much to charge older child – to walk, feed, etc. The main thing -.. Not to overdo it and do not forget that the oldest child – even a child.
In my opinion, the real reason why it is easier with each subsequent child, lies in ourselves. We become other, gain experience, start to many things calmly – do not spend time on the sterilization of bottles, boil water for bathing, diaper smoothing on both sides. We do not react so violently, if the house that something falls, breaks and spills.
But years later, when the children in the transition from childhood to youth to age – falls upon us unexpectedly understanding of the responsibility for those whom the Lord has given cause to the world. That’s when the real problems begin. And we said to our parents: “Young children are not allowed to sleep, and adults – do not give to live.” Teens “completely reboot” parent self. By always ready.
Do you have children and how to manage duties in their interest or inspire?
With difficulties. Responsibilities because they do not like what they are daily and monotonous, so – quickly bored. When we were younger, our poor children to attend, many clubs and sections. I, like many mothers having many children, have certain complexes: really want to be better than others, is not large, so that offspring were dressed, fed and, most importantly, formed no worse than their peers. Efforts during the week reached the limit, running, jogging, and I was afraid to even hint to help me with the housework. But, thank God, He shall instruct us, and mum and dad smart enough to say, “Stop! Experiment, and that’s enough. ” Now everyone does what he likes, I, of course, still be customized, but it is not the volume when mom wanted to put another check mark in its ambitious list.
Children clean their rooms, feed the dog, the cat and the canary, hang wet clothes in the summer working in the garden: to help plant, weed, spud. But conscience asks me often inconvenient questions, for example, not shift them I often their duties?
Sometimes I notice with horror that the children are hidden from me (we have a two-story house, and they go down to the first rare). But as soon as get into my field of vision, begins an endless “Give, wipe, remove”. I fight with him, though not easy to find the right balance in the distribution of responsibilities. Moreover, so that children attracted to her mother, not her.
And what are you guided by educating children? Advisers have been or perhaps a book?
At first, to rely only on self-confidence. In 20 years could very categorically push grandma’s tips on the back burner. As I remember, so I tremble. Grandparents need grandchildren, they are able to surround the child such an atmosphere of love and affection, to which young people have not yet matured, not ripe. But we are always looking for independence and therefore consider themselves smarter than the previous generation.
I soon realized that the theory and practice often differ on matters of nurturing children. And she began to look for practitioners. Thank God, I was surrounded by enough large families who have had a lot to learn and I zamuchivala their questions. For example, in a family of 9 children of our confessor. Children look to their parents to “you.” We liked it incredibly. And we are a neophyte fervor moved this pre-revolutionary tradition in his family. Although my grandmother still talks about his late mother in the third person: “they”. So, not so long ago eradicated the habit progress.
In western Ukraine, this tradition still exists. Children grew up, but we never for a moment regretted it “a fit”. Words can not explain, but heart feel so right. If you hear someone’s child says, “Dad, tie my shoelaces” – I was not used to cringe. Many people are indignant, but the good traditions of our ancestors carried the sacred meanings and proper subordination in our difficult age of permissiveness does not seem excessive. But then again – this is purely a personal experience of the individual family, and am glad that we are not alone in their eccentricities.
And with respect to the books … In the fullness of heart laid down that writes Julia Gippenreiter. I’m sorry I’m so late for myself opened her book.
They say: “If the Lord gave the children, and children will.” Is it so? Is it possible to avoid financial difficulties a young family?
Difficult question. The priestly family “is empty, then thickly” … Of course, many children of God in a special allowance, you can even watch the material wealth in such families. Providence of God, they all miraculously appears – and housing, and the car, and clothing, and even the rest of the sea. But there is one “but” … it does not come immediately. Do we have the patience and the faith depends entirely on us.
It seems to me, should not be infantile, and rose-colored glasses, if we dream about “Lalka on each bench.” The reality of such a family is far from being a neophyte romantic worldview. There is a danger not stand, break, slip into grumbling and discouragement. But true to the Savior’s words: “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you” (Matthew 6:33.). A kingdom is not easy to find, everyone knows.
Today, when my husband and I look at those material goods, which gave us the Lord, we do not cease to be surprised. Remembering how to live on a salary deacon, then huddled with four kids in a rented apartment, Zaporozhets went to the sea and were incredibly happy.
Today we have a house, two cars and a large house in the village. I’m pride, of course, are often embarrassed: “What people think or say?” But even these two cars – a donation to caring relatives and friends, as well as everything else.
Believe me, this was not an end in itself. With sweet heaven in a cottage. If there is no love in the family, no “good” is not able to fill the void.
Was the man who helped in the organization of family life and the upbringing of children?
Yes, definitely. First podsoblyaet grandmother. In spite of everything, this “guardian angels” of young families. My mother worked hard, and now teaches, so students have seen it more often than grandchildren. And yet she rescued us when the first daughter was born. In-law until his last breath (literally) was with us. It is a period of four years has been invaluable, while the kids have grown up and learned not not independently eat, dress and walk in the yard. And when-in-law passed away, during the fourth toxicosis, I realized that the children should be someone to feed, and we invited a nanny.
When children are professionally engaged in acrobatics, friends paid us the driver as the road to the center, the stadium “Spartak” was far-away. I firmly believe that a large mother to be assistant working at least once or twice a week. Even not in terms of physical work unloading. It is important to know that your rear is covered, you’re not alone with all this pile of clothes that you will have the opportunity to break out somewhere in the store, for example. And you will be presented once again the precious gift – to be alone, in silence, in silence. When there are a number of people have shook his mom a chance to come out of the deli enlightened and refreshed.
So the only thing I can confidently advise families that grow not two or three offspring, get an assistant – and your wife blossom.
How about the education of children at home? Is it possible to do, for example, without a kindergarten?
Yes, if the mother has the material possibility not to go to work. After all, every family all purely individually. Ideally, the child first five years of life should be inseparable from the source of his life, the most precious person. This is tremendously positive impact on the psyche and on the formation of his personality. The longer it is heated mother’s love – and she will agree, there is a better close than at a distance – the better. But to give up entirely on socialization, I would not.
A child going to the first class and at the same time falling for the first time in the team, runs the risk of spending time on the acquisition of knowledge, and to adapt to unfamiliar conditions. Our children went to kindergarten at age 6, as said before, “in my best” to make the transition from family to school is smooth. I am hostile to a variety of early development programs and specialized garden. I feel closer to the ratio of children in the royal family: up to 7 years, they did not know a single letter, but already knew how to sew, work in the garden, in a word, to get used to physical labor. I believe this method is correct. Everything has its time.
What is most lacking in the education of children?
Time to embrace. I did not understand before, and underestimated the enormous importance of tactile contact with the child. Our youngest children are very different from their elders. Junior literally squeezed and zatselovyvat whole family. Of course, they are spoiled, and the little Kolya could embarrass me the whole supermarket-rolling classic hysteria with the cases on the floor and legs dryganem. But … it is much more human, or something. The kid knows how to give love, because he gave a lot of love. In three years, more bad talking, Kohl every half hour did not forget to repeat how much he loved me, that I “plintsessa” and then added “brilliant”. Older children like tantrums are not rolled, but they are drier and harder to express their emotions.
I was not a mother in the sense of the word, as I see it now, when I was younger. Did not take the kids on his hands, I pretended not to notice when a child fell, healed them from various diseases phantom, which read in books, worn on a bacteriological laboratory tests … and do not hug, do not cuddle, do not kiss. This is my pain for a lifetime.
Why are families with many children today is rather an exception?
As a rule, large – are believers of different faiths. If you have hope in God, everything in your life is painted in other colors. No fear. There is trust. And the man behind the fence of the church is very difficult to decide on this step, just beginning to overcome the ill-fated questions – how to give birth without shelter, without a stable salary, etc. And we are a little bit crazy fools to the world…
If people guess about how this drive, when you come home, and the whole crowd attacked with cries of “Mom came,” perhaps gave birth to you. But this only understand their own “dedicated” in order endless pots, pans, snot and lack of sleep. There is almost no place of personal comfort, which today shouting from all sides. Even the expression is not so long ago appeared – “get out of personal comfort zone.” Is not this “exit” constantly urges the gospel? And to be honest, it’s not easy. Sometimes you regret that you are not an astronaut.
How to overcome fear “mnogodetstva” and how long it may be present?
I do not know. On either solved or not. First, there is no fear, there is a desire to “give birth to as many as God sends.” Spouses, or mutually, whether or not humbled humbling to the opinion of one, decide for themselves how they see the further plan of events. Do not always have a full understanding, the stumbling block can serve only the desire of the husband or wife to have many children.
Fear comes from the time when there is already some experience difficulties, health problems, when you’re not just in words but in deed trying to bring harmony to their faith and their way of life. Though my husband and I after a wedding and decided that children have to be at least seven, but we are poorly understood, about what kind of responsibility in question. After all, the presence of a piano at home does not give the right to consider himself a pianist. It is one thing – to give birth, and the other – to raise good men.
And further. Not every mother, learning about the sixth or tenth pregnancy, clapping and jumping to the ceiling. Then not only feel fear, or demons insurance, God knows better, because you know: will soon begin a terrible morning sickness, and all this people to be fed, to accompany the morning to school, etc. A woman is a person, it can not be afraid of difficulties… But still there is in the soul of some light feeling, probably an echo, albeit weak, of the sensations experienced by the Mother of God, saying: “Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it unto me according to thy verb”. This awareness of belonging to something very important covers many women’s fears.
Moms a Christian like sincerely to thank God for everything, for the word of the Psalms: “It is good to me, Thou hast humbled on me …” (Ps 118:. 71).
However, often it turns out: “Suffering, poterpeh Lord and heed E and hear my prayer” (Psalm 39: 2.).
How to break the image of eternally unhappy mother, surrounded by a crowd of crying babies?
I’m afraid to answer this question, so make a reservation in advance: it is my personal opinion, criticize me, not the Church. To break this image of the power of two people, the woman herself and her husband. Let’s start with a strong half of humanity, and then go back to beautiful. The woman is so arranged that it is often the center of the universe is her man (I’m talking about the “standard” women). And the universe that warms or freezes the amount of heat that radiates center. Needless to say, that man is our sun?
The mood of a woman depends on the mood of the second half. Then the men, of course, be objected, saying that what they may be in the mood when they come home from work tired, but the house is not cleaned or not nagotovleno or receipts not paid, or jacket is not handed over to the dry cleaners, or … the list It can be continued indefinitely.
Irritated husband finds a reason, and we, the wife really sure somewhere will give weak spot and can not cope with their responsibilities. Reasons and excuses, we also will be countless, from fatigue to laziness … An important question – who is the main and most powerful in the family? Strong not in physical terms, and relative to their mental abilities.
If we claim to be the main place, we must set an example of the spirit of force, which is also manifested in magnanimity. I love that word. A man with a great soul, a wife can not look unhappy. In the Orthodox environment, sometimes, to my regret, such generous husbands are down, and you can stamp “henpecked” to receive. The husband, who came home and noticed some shortcomings, may behave differently: to pour in different forms all their irritability, diluted operating troubles, or, having overcome his fatigue, help in silence. Do not be afraid that the home will sit on his head. Love is not afraid of anything, it is changing the world.
A second aspect lies in the very many children mother. How it should look to be “advertising” their way of life of many children and not “anti-advertising”? There are already each act in accordance with his conscience, the blessing of her husband or confessor. All decorated measure. A woman is able to decorate our world, it does not look vulgar and seductive. But attractive. Why not? A beautiful woman who does not aim to entice, perhaps suggesting pleasant thoughts of the Lord, it has created.
I often happen to people, and to be honest, they do not hesitate to completely tactless, meticulously considered mothers with many children. Remember, like Bulgakov “Heart of a Dog”: “We came to see a talking dog.”
I used to be ashamed of their index fingers black (it happens when every day peeling potatoes). And then I thought that it can be cleaned while wearing gloves. And why not a manicure or haircut in the barber shop, so you do not blush, filling pile of papers under the watchful eye of staff housing department or social security? Vanity? Probably, I will not argue. But we must not forget that we still have, and responsible mission to preach to those who either church fence, or have already passed it, a beauty of motherhood. And this message can “recite” as external data. By the way, my husband twice a week sends work out in the pool with friends, and it is a colossal outlet for our busy staff. I thank him very much. He’s trying to be strong, because the main (laughs).
Do you regret the fact that the world of stage scaffolding “descended” to the notorious three C?
If I say that my life is now brighter and more interesting, maybe I did not believe, but true. Imagine, I was eight times the first time I see an elephant and crocodile, eight times survive first of September again, and first love, wedding, birth of grandchildren? The feeling of happiness multiplied by the number of close friends, whom we love. Albeit “crippled” love, imperfect, but really want to try to change for them. Spending life only for themselves, for their own ambitions – interesting, but not very much.
I am very grateful to my parents that supported my dream ballet for many years and helped her reach. We are still happy to go with her husband and children in the ballet performances at the Opera House (rather, it makes a pretty view for me). But to admire from the audience and give yourself the scene – two different things. I do not regret that I left the ballet, but even more grateful for the inhuman forces which have tempered like steel and taught to endure physical pain, fatigue, not pay attention to health, and so on. D.
Is there any advice you can give to young mothers?
It’s a thankless job – to give advice. I myself in them is constantly looking for. Perhaps we should not be afraid of anything, and to rely on the Lord. He will never disgrace anyone’s hopes, and even more so the mother.
And young couples, just set foot on the path of the family, whatever phrase you recommend all the time to keep in mind?
I would advise even two sentences, pardon the immodesty. One of Ecclesiastes: “And this too shall pass.” When will live together for many years, they will understand what it means. And second, my husband repeated our late confessor about. Michael (Boyko): “Little children, during an argument, if each of you will have to repeat myself,” Let it be as you wish, not only in moemuˮ – did not quarrel. ” In other words, my father called us to humble ourselves before the second half in front of his position, his opinion. The word “humility” root “world”, and for this I have nothing to add.
And what are the myths of many children you can debunk?
Debunk myths will not, it’s impossible. Anyone who is looking for confirmation of his opinion, be sure to find it. It is best to try to live so that these myths were not created.
Interviewed by Alexander Karpyuk
Photo Tatiana Smoke