Many of us have heard these words of the flight attendants:. “In the case of cabin depressurization, oxygen mask, you must first put on, then – on the child ‘ This statement has already acquired the status of a parable. Help yourself, and only then you will become able to help others. Wear a mask on a child or a neighbor you can only in the event that he is not lying unconscious.
“How many times told the world,” but to no avail – at least a little to distract from the socially approved caring for others – it is very difficult for many of us, strange and incomprehensible.
“At first, giving dostroyu and send it to my mother to rest in the summer, and then it will be possible to think about our trip with her husband to the sea.” “That leaves a sister married, then I will not give her the money, and now how it without me?” “Child grows up, then we can think about their own personal lives.”
“Live for others” seems easier and more noble. Always in someone’s face, you can find a meaning – or the mother is ill or a child’s difficulties at school, or friend gets divorced and needs support … But you never know the terms of the poor and unfortunate? All warmed, caressed by a crust of bread given out – that day has passed.
But the fact is that truly care about others, we ourselves are capable only if we inwardly empty and we do have that others give .
The first way of caring for us – it is a nursing mother. Everyone knows that if a mother does not take care of themselves, eat right and get enough rest, the milk she will be gone, and the nature – spoiled.
Imagine that you have an elderly relative intrusive. It looks bad, tasteless and prepares constantly talking nonsense, but persistently beckoning you to come into the kitchen and there promises to entertain.
you have the experience are well aware that the kitchen in her dirty dishes greasy, bakes it to your parish some obscure stuff on a third-margarine and very traditionally dressed in overlaundered bathrobe, boring retells the news from TV, because more than any other information of the world does not get, and still loves to complain of its numerous diseases.
Perhaps you have it, and visited, and the dishes she’d washed, and fresh products brought if aunt admitted that she needs help. But no – she stubbornly considers himself the owner of infinite riches and goddess of abundance, and you tell her for the meal should be immensely grateful. As a result, you dutifully trudge to her, sit on the greasy kitchen, chew her nasty pastries, choking back disgust, and two hundredth time to listen about her diabetes and arthritis, considering himself a minute. And at the end of bow and thank you for the hospitality.
If you visit a strong desire to help someone, first ask yourself what you want to get this way. It would be desirable, for example, to give valuable advice girlfriend – and why you it is important that she be heard? She will listen – and you will feel more valuable? Or are you very anxious for it, you think it will be gone, and will die if you do not stop it now? And what happens to you when it moves “is not there”? Perhaps anxiety about it – it is a way of something his escape? I have not been to himself, then people die, I dropped everything and ran to save him!
Did you just in their desire to help – “nursing mother” or do you want to dine in such a way? Obsessive concern for others is often a form of “vampirstva” undercover: you pretend that incredibly generous – and “for all the baptized world cooked I had a feast” – but in fact disguised as a touching concern beckon to his victims and sip one krovushku .
“Oh, come, I’ve baked pies!” Only to the patties will be accompanied by coming into contact with a completely empty vessel. And according to the law of communicating vessels, anyone who has at least a modicum of more full, it will start to give empty. Involuntary, mind you, and then another, and feel in debt, his name was also on the pies! Only after the pies for some reason he feels squeezed lemon.
Many well-known philanthropists and saints criticized the fact that they live too well, too concerned about themselves. John of Kronstadt blame the silk robes and a private boat. Elizaveta Fyodorovna was accused of excessive, nemonasheskom care of his chambers in the Martha and Mary Convent. A mother Teresa of Calcutta, whose name has become synonymous to refer to charity figures, what is not only accused: in a limousine, adopted by the pope as a gift, and to travel to the “unnecessary” comforts.
But the fact is that anyone who has actually and on a large scale began to help the needy, very soon convinced that you can not bring anyone any good if he will lose stability and burn out. Therefore monks important to have the time and place for their own rule of prayer, and not only on the wound dressing and feeding the homeless.
If you really “have it more abundantly” and what you have is valuable enough, the people themselves to reach for you. You do not have to run through the streets and offer their treasures.
First, however, you will need to make significant investments in themselves. Lives of the Saints tell us that sagacious devotees usually selfish labored in prayer somewhere in a remote cave thirty years or so, and only then to him for advice a queue. And those who generously handed out advice themselves, usually look at this not so, and a crowd of wishing to listen to them, too, is not observed.
If you are with the hearty and warm, while others will notice it, crawl to warm up and asked to teach how. But it will not happen before you feed yourself and lull. In other cases, it promises to be manipulated to generate energy from the other: “My son, I’ll give all my life, what else is there a date with a girl, her mother need to take to the cottage.”
I want to help someone? Let then the first to the poor and needy, to which the soul seeks to give alms, you will become yourself. It typically is what we want to help others – it is just our desire that we find it hard to admit.
And the other is such a desire and did not feel – it just seems to us so that we ourselves would like such assistance.