“Synarnik – room boy” as a joke someone on the Internet. But can arrange high-quality mess and girls. And when the children in the family is more than one disorder, respectively, is also greater. Can you deal with it? How to teach children to order? Responsible family psychologist Catherine Burmistrov, mother of eleven children.
The phrase “to teach a child,” I do not like. Child, in principle, do not have to “teach” – an artificially created situation does not become a natural and familiar to him. If the home is a terrible mess, and all family members perceive it as a tribute, a single child, you are not accustomed to the order.
Accordingly, it is necessary to create a structure which is supported by adults. To do this, we find things place. Then we understand with family responsibilities: who has what and what the appropriate age. If not all of the above, it is extremely difficult to be someone something to instill. In the chaos, lack of organization, lack of time, only when all the cursing and shouting, one of order can not be systematically teach.
piece of paper
If all of the above is, and the child has consistently failed to comply with the order, then we either have to deal with the creative, chaotic personality or liability is transferred. For example, there is a grandmother who goes and picks up everything. Or a maid who will come and gather all that scattered in three days.
Responsibility – it is when people are in the family agreed to who does what. Can we take the game “Hat”. In some bumazhechki written many things: take out the garbage, put the bag in a bucket, pour the cereal from the package to the banks to make out the bag from the store, insert a new roll of toilet paper, pour the concrete flowers and so on – all the little duties you need to write on a separate piece of paper each. All this develops into a hat and the evening of the day the whole family pulls out a piece of paper on gaining himself a handful of responsibilities.
It is possible in shopping malls and gas stations to make lists of those duties, and when it’s done, a child signs in the appropriate box. Over time and qualitative performance of the task child teaches “suns” – tokens, which can then be exchanged for something popular with baby – going to the movies, buy ice cream and so on. Control with the help of this “grid” interests of the child. You can come up with another form of control if you do not like this option. Maybe you have a creative family, all paint and will report figures.
If you control the voice, in manual mode, it will not work, but it will be pumped dissatisfaction, aggression, as a result parents are forced to shout, swear. And it usually does not like anybody, neither adults nor children.
If a family has children who are close in age, they may start to monitor each other and spoil this thing. Therefore, it is necessary to agree that everyone looks after themselves and looking for all along the main controller – mom or dad. And if you’ve never any duties was not necessary to say that we are just learning, we have a trial period, and then a month or two weeks if all very sharp, all temperamental, sit down, and once again all changed their minds.
If a family at least two children similar ages, they will compete with each other. They will assume that all the same the other duties they are easier or better, and my mother indulges his brother or sister.
Another issue – the application of a series of children that they should not do so, in any other families children do not perform such work. These statements need to be prepared and quietly respond to them. It is necessary to immediately think about how you will respond to these challenges. Because it is normal for children to react in such a way that they are trying to load something. Indeed their peers often do not have these responsibilities. It happens that the ninth grader proudly says that he does not hold a broom, not roasted or fried eggs …
The next step
Domestic duties must be entered when mastered at least the minimum consumer independence. That is, the child is able to collect their belongings, clean bed, a table, to understand his side of the room.
As already mentioned, it is very often the child can not master their household duties, because he nature, the opposite order. Often these children are very creative and very productive. They famously played or draw, or something constructed, but they are not about the order. Then you can replay the situation a little bit, say, “Okay, it’s your personal territory, and let there be a creative order that you like. But we love another, we just important that nothing is lying around in a particular area. ” That is, it is necessary and help, and to ask. Such a child may need more time, more parental attention, to learn how to keep order.
Note – this is not endless notes, they do not work here. We need to come up with a support system, any fractional prizes for the execution of any part of the job.
To help those who “considers the raven”
Sometimes, it is very bad cleaned children who just attention problems. This is reflected in the school, too. They just need help with household chores. Here, again, can help fix the written form of duties – they usually work well and do not cause resistance. You can help to stick pieces of paper with a list of daily duties, to drive him to them in the phone or hang over the table any ezhenedelnichek. You can ask him (we’re talking about schoolchildren) to send you a sms-ku, whether he fulfilled this or that obligation. For example, I put the dishes in the dishwasher, sent sms-ku mother. With these children it is important to block prostroen motivational, explain why you are asking him to do it. Not to torment him as a specially humiliating. You explain why it is necessary to do in life, and why you are so important that he is able to. You explain about the education of the will, the character, pick up some moral stories.
Every speck, speck, two …
There are children, which I call the “collectors” – they remember each bylinochku, each shell, had brought a few years ago, did not throw cups of yogurt and bring to the streets of some sticks, stones. And it all adds up, folded. Not God forbid to pass a piece of paper on his desk – you destroy the whole idea. It is understood that in order to the outside of the child problems. If the family a lot of people, make sure there is such a child. And we must understand that this is not pridur as well – some of his addiction, which in the future may be somehow connected with the choice of profession, for example.
It is necessary therefore to think ten times before you throw out what you think of the things debris such child. He really remembers about all their wealth and upset if something disappears.
Another thing that you need to help him to structure them. On a personal site of the collector, you can organize the storage system. He does not organize it. Small boxes with signatures: rakushechki, bumazhechki, candy wrappers, wire, there do not know that; container for sticks and so on.
When the poles becomes larger than fit in a container, then you take them and move. Accordingly, it is necessary to figure out where all you do is going to take away – the cottage in a shed or garage.
These children-collectors is not at all. Most children forget about the particular stick, and if it is a collector, he collects it sticks, it will be remembered each. It can be deployed even explain what a stick than it is valuable.
“Trophy” in the form of sticks, stones, and so forth like bringing home almost all children. We need to understand, “collector” Does your child. If not, if his production is not particularly valuable, then you just need to conduct an audit once or twice a week and throw all. Leaving a particularly valuable items – Crafts from clay, for example.
If the craft is too much, you can photograph them and create an album. Crafts from clay for a long time are not stored, and photos – are stored for a long time. If you print them, to make an album, then the child will have the feeling that nothing is lost.
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