So it has historically, that the church book shelves are filled up with the name “Orthodox marriage ‘, filled with arguments about what should be the family, founded believers. And for some reason there is no single book that would say what mistakes committed Orthodox family on career and family break with what is truly a triumphant success believers. It’s a pity.
According to my family very personal observations of people who have already come to the temple, being married, much stronger than the families of those who have created their own families after votserkovit. Strange, is not it? For all the points should be the opposite. Why numerous tips “how to” do not work?
To paraphrase a classic, every family is falling apart on its own. But the general terms in the rubble. The Orthodox have their own divorces common pitfalls of which stumble believers.
The first of these terms, I would call error, very common among the faithful – again I am in the Church, there is nothing wrong with me will not, especially in such a serious matter as a family. Brains are turned off completely. With eyed man marching toward the collapse of his family life. As a result of the collapse occurs before the family is created. In most cases, it is, alas, predictable, because the motivation of young acts completely divorced from life. But regardless of our religious preferences, we still remain human beings with all the ensuing consequences. We, unfortunately, do not become angels, crossed the threshold of the temple, and the recipe “to pray, to fast and humble” works not always. And we really do not know how neither one nor the other, nor even the third.
The second term, “The Lord will arrange everything.” The irresponsibility with which the Orthodox people create a family, sometimes causing loss of speech. Having read clever books, young and not so young as an institution chanting: “The Lord will arrange everything” and run to the altar, not caring about how they, after all, will live on. They believe that the problems they will not have, at least those which arise families unbelievers, and if you do they suddenly and appear on’s allowance again, then all must dissolve itself, it’s just a temptation – to read a couple of hymns, and all was settled because the Lord would have to arrange everything! You just have to fast, pray and posmiryatsya. The couple, take on God responsible for all their mistakes and so misguided, take a passive position in relation to emerging issues, let things drift, thereby slowly but surely knocking bricks from his family foundation. Important role in this play and inexperienced confessors, blessing of marriage is not clear which pairs with the promise that grace every cover. If there is no effort on the part of the person, then no grace will not cover anything because there is nothing to cover. No efforts of the people themselves to ensure that allow a difficult situation.
The third term: search for signs and wonders. Trend: a girl came into the temple, began to help, I was involved. Troublesome grandmother, who has nothing of interest in life does not remain, find their entertainment: start wooing the maiden. Aby for whom, the main thing to go to church. Well it’s no accident you met here! And quietly nod to the groom. A fiance is already may be about 20 years older, and Infante, well, so there is nothing, in fact, like it or not, and you have met in the temple! And this is something so mean. And if he suddenly seminarian, and the girl – a virgin, how much more then! And she is thrilled: hot, so what does the will of God! And just now out, and a rainbow over the temple was, and right on the day Peter and Fevronia, but it’s a sign! Vaughn told how – put forth a seminarian, the first girl who will go to the temple, and his wife will. And she began, and they lived happily ever after, give birth to a bunch of kids, and all of them were good. And if the groom and the candidate of the same spirit, the trap called “Orthodox marriage” is ready. Go to the altar, bad knowing each other, without feeling for each other no feelings. Consequence – painfully coexist under one roof, two complete strangers to each other people who, if not divorced, it is only because it is a sin.
Speaking of feelings. This is the fourth term. For some reason, many believe that the Orthodox love each other is not necessary. Of course, the husband should lead the family, the wife to give birth and prepare meals, not to the high feelings then, what sort of love there. Yes love the believers and say something is stuck, we know what earthly love – potsvetet and stops. And we believers should seek to heavenly love and do not bother at all sorts of mundane nonsense type of flowers to his wife for a holiday and any wacky compliments. And anyway, who loves man, that he should curse so that was something to be saved. Many believers marry without love and without even the slightest sympathy. It’s horrible. We are all very weak, we do not have the proper patience or a proper humility. When will the religious ecstasy, these spouses remain one on one with the problem: to live with unloved man is very difficult, and more and more difficult. For a while, this marriage will last, and perhaps, at first it will be quite good. Remains of euphoria and a sense of duty (we crowned!) Some period of time will give strength to extinguish the psychological discomfort, but then … When the power runs out, what will happen? After all, what would happen if one of the spouses suddenly meet your true love? It is unlikely that a man in love can resist the temptation to create another family in which he will be happy really, especially for men. Women still somehow keep the children, but the men in this regard feel less obligated. He agreed to pay half the salary as child support, just to be with the one, the only, but his sense of duty in relation to the first wife would remain silent. Of course, this does not insured and loving wife, but a person living in a family without love is an incentive to betray more.
Fifth term. What do you call it, I do not know, but I can describe. Men or women, believers have family, fall for this trap more often than we would like. Starting a new life as a believer, Orthodox, they seemed to gain a second wind, and in my personal life. Go back to death do not want to own family, because there do not understand the feelings become dull, everything seems overexposed, ordinary and sinful. But in the church they are surrounded by new people who share with them their current beliefs with which it is easy and fun, and there is a high probability that on this basis the new interests of people acquire and new love, because each of us is very important to understanding, and we often fall in love with someone who is willing to listen to us. If the second half does not share new hobby spouse, or, even worse, makes fun of him, softie, feeling like a victim, a martyr for the faith, may well rush into the arms of the first in the community who would wipe away his tears, and here and to love near. I have met people who came to the faith, divorced from the former spouses and created new families, being deeply convinced that this new marriage “in Christ” and “God”, and so it something they just succeed. Unfortunately, none of these families known to me the coveted happiness did not come, people dragged all their sins and quirks in the new family, and even exacerbated it’s divorce. Result: in a family, where to find a new happiness husband went immediately after the wedding, there was a question of alcoholism, and a new family and hanging on the edge of divorce; in another family, where the wife left her husband for the sake of the younger men it is 13 years old, it was a poser pohlesche. Young husband turned out to be a full and final infantile mama’s boy, and when four years grown stepdaughter, it revealed even his paedophilic tendencies. Let me remind you – they “found” each other not somewhere, and in the temple, the young man confessed and took communion regularly and seemed bride simply exemplary Orthodox.
We talk a lot about the spiritual, when it comes to marriage. Yes, marriage is crowned in heaven, but the couple live on the earth. You can not talk only about the spiritual component of married life, if we are incorporeal. Believers are the same people of flesh and blood, they also need quite earthly support, love, understanding, kind words and tokens. Do not fasten all the forces Hill. On the ground, too, have something to do.