While you’re at the altar seems to have been ready to go for it even to hard labor, in practice, a test for the marriage are unmade socks and crumbs on the table.
Dreams Dreams: I imagined myself Empress Alexandra and Natasha Rostova under the crown
For candle table temple, where we then got married, working woman who knew very well, and me and my future husband. One day she said kindly – “I heard that you are married ….” “Yes” – I blurred into a smile. “Congratulations! You are a good couple … And may God grant you patience! Tolerance and patience. Family, it’s not the same thing, just to meet. So let you all will be well. ” I listened, continuing to smile politely, although I wanted to smile, even a snort in response, so down. What is it ?! She sends me to prison, or where? What more patience! Love – that’s what matters! And we have it. All! And to get married, we will, and even in such a wonderful snow-white temple, and my father is good, and we are both believers, and come to the marriage consciously all know children want, and how to educate know, and … Well, be patient – it is certainly not about us. We are all going to be easy, light and joy. We do not even swore never – and will not be
In my mind I imagine everything clearly and in detail painted: the day after the wedding will begin a completely different life, full of meaning, quiet, without fuss. Woven from our mutual love, care and support. Because there are people closer and dearer than his wife. And, of course, in this picture it was a picture of me. Not the Tatiana Larina after marriage, charming for its tranquility, dignity, and femininity. Not that the Empress Alexandra, beautiful, graceful, very epitome of quiet happiness and peace, writing his wonderful blog about family life. And what a helper and reliable support I will be her husband! .. Here it is, strong and reliable, and eddies around the problems, the difficulties of the storm, and so hard for him, and then, softly treading, I went up (well, you remember, not the Tatiana Larina not the Empress!), take it easy by the hand, and the storm die down, we are together, we are a family, and nobody can break …
Especially because I’m married does not come out in 16 years, a naive romantic girl, and 27, going up to the establishment of the family consciously and seriously. After reading the way, perhaps all the literature on the theme of “strong family”, which was available for church benches, and not only. In general, the theory I knew brilliantly, and was convinced that the practice is also brilliantly cope.
Reality: fury that rages due to nonsense
It turned out that storms and storms – this is understandable and can be overcome. But to concede the dispute – which movie to watch in the evening, or how to buy air freshener smell in the car – this is really a problem!
Do you know what was the cause of our first quarrel with her husband? The question is, how to put a song in a music center in the Service. And this despite the fact that the musical tastes we not say the opposite. There are some differences. And at the time of courtship is quite sensibly perceived by us as a trifle. But in family life proved an insurmountable obstacle. Then we argued until they were hoarse because of a variety of pasta and sausages we’d better buy. And when it came to replace the wallpaper in the kitchen … The darkness! I myself seemed to breathe fire and sizzling fury. Where are all the only my theoretical knowledge ?!
I soon discovered that our family is not unique, and couples of friends that looked perfect, too, raging storms and volcanoes erupt out of the blue.
One week my friend had not spoken to her husband after he asked her to cut the potatoes in the soup cubes. He was so used. He was so tasty. My wife took it as a spit in the soul and seriously doubted the correct choice of a life partner.
And I was not ready in another newly formed pair to his wife that her husband thought about becoming a deacon.Both were faithful husband altarnichal, and his wife did not mind But the prospect of becoming a mother her so scared that she was in protest began to wear a mini-skirt and deep neckline, which had not done, and that was seen as savage and challenges to society in them at the parish. It was later realized that she just afraid of responsibility, confused, and so on, but as long as dug before, her husband had to be nervous, and not one dish was broken down into their cozy kitchen.
Another beautiful young lady in all respects shall be notified to the white-hot habit-athlete husband after a shower throwing a towel on the bathroom floor. As a hotel, which he constantly wandered.
Crumbs on the table, a roll of toilet paper hanging tail inside, extra fold on curtain – all this in a moment disturbed the peace in another family familiar to me, and the number of her husband to leave the house as a result of these scandals, has exceeded a dozen.
The head of another family had a habit of wrapping a thread around the tea bag from the cup handle five times! At some point, this has led to such a strong argument with recollection of mutual resentment that his wife packed up and moved to her mother.
I know a girl who just goes crazy with that husband of long swings if it about something ask. Not once does, and some time later. This feature of his. Before the wedding, this feature seemed girlfriend dignity, a sign that it is suitable to all thoroughly, do not fuss. But after the wedding, all somehow changed.
And so on to infinity …
Where was the perfect, beautiful man, with whom we were going to go shoulder to shoulder for a living?
What man? He, incidentally, is also the end of the first year of married life issues will be added to the universe.
After all, he, too, is suffering, sometimes gritting his teeth through the “can not”. Although it is not apparent, on the contrary, it would seem to us – he was something to be dissatisfied with what ?! But you see, when, instead of fragrant fairy, which was to visit him, gently smiled and looked with admiration, he gets earthly woman in a bathrobe, with a “tail” instead of hair falls, disgruntled, often nervous, twitch, picking on the little things, which it seems one goal – to rehabilitate and reshape it for yourself, you know it too, is not a pleasant discovery. And deal with it is not easy.
In the end, he had a life before you, during which he used to throw the towel on the bathroom floor. He was used to that in a refrigerator there is always a three-liter jar with cold water, and now his wife is annoying, because the bank takes so much space. He was accustomed to my mother’s meatballs, and they want it, because it is the taste of childhood, not because you are bad cook or “Mom adjusts it so.” I’m used to the fact that at night he can relax, be alone, to watch a movie, hang on the internet … And it is also necessary to break yourself, tolerate and turn a blind eye to our weaknesses, perhaps no less than ourselves.
I remember I was three months pregnant, suffered a terrible toxicosis. To me drove my mother looked at me – a pale, skinny, with a pained green face, which is not something that smile once again the words to say it was difficult. And jokingly I said – “Lord! How fortunate that in the first years of married life rests on the hot love … Otherwise my wife here in such a long time did not suffer. ” In every joke, as they say. But husbands have had to endure with us this difficult time toxicity and other women’s joys.
Devil in the details
Talking about how you follow her husband in Siberia, a lot easier than a regular wash and iron a shirt that it “burn” or permanently close the cabinet doors behind him. That is, on a global, generally, be a good wife is not too difficult. I think that in this very global sense, the majority of women – and so the good wife: do not change, raising children, lead management, restoring order, and certainly when the husband there are serious problems, support it, and during the illness (God forbid, of course ) looked after or without thinking, we would be able to do it. Just because it is normal. Normal for more or less a good and decent man. And with a smile to meet every evening to ignore habits that irritate you, turn a blind eye to the weaknesses, to welcome home his friend who you unattractive, hang him exactly towel in the bathroom – this is art.
And here I agree with every word of my friend, who once admitted: “I just think that is wrong, and decide once and for all to become a good wife, that’s exactly straight, straight tomorrow, very good! I go out of the room in the morning and there on the chair … his pants … And all! Flows into a rage! “
And in such case often comes to mind is the expression – “the devil is in the details,” only in the literal sense of the word, when for every crumb on the table, not zadёrnutoy “as it should be” blind, and the infamous tube of toothpaste is the prince of darkness and grins – ” do you and it will endure ?! “-” No way! “- we obediently rush into battle, and eventually fall family.
Standing in front of the altar, we firmly believe that since we do not repeat the mistakes of those accidents razvedenok and “broshenok” who sawed, plagued their husbands, their own hands as broken families, and now bite your elbows. But after a little time, and – oops! – We have already inspired sawing its second half, but so deftly, as if this whole life learning.
And the main thing. I want to share one observation.
When we are well, when the family is not really serious problems and ills – disease, death – then come to the fore fines. Instead of enjoying the company of her husband and children, appreciate time spent together (after all, no one gives a guarantee that nothing will change tomorrow), we painstakingly create problems for yourself from scratch. Quarrel, offended kopim offense, to sort things out … But really only valuable lives and love for each other.
But, unfortunately, instances where the husband and wife are aware of it, I have met only in families that are touched some grief. There is very clearly understand that the important thing, and that superficial nonsense. How important it is when a loved one is, it is close to you.
I saw many young widows, recalled with pain how is constantly trying to improve her husband, finding fault, angry, and told him so little about his love.
Households where someone is seriously ill. They will not allow themselves to quarrel because of the folds on the tablecloth. Corrected her silently, and smile that whoever the tablecloth permanently moves away, still here next. That is the true support, concern evident in such families. And all the problems and joys in half. And always ready to lend a shoulder to a friend, if only he felt better. And not “support” that – “you’re not sick of my favorite team, then you do not care about me …”
So you appreciate what you have. If you have something very annoying wife and prevents to live, discuss it with him calmly, tell us why it is so important for you. Better yet, try to ignore “stimuli” attention, not to cheat yourself. And over time it becomes a habit. And remember one more golden rule – you should start with yourself. The house and the atmosphere in it rests on the woman. It is a fact, and not to leave him.
When a woman does not allow the family peace and tranquility to crumble because of the little things, when it begins with education itself, with difficulty, though not always successfully, tries to smooth things over, something to close your eyes, make a joke somewhere … family lives. And most likely the husband, seeing the efforts of his wife, will not be able to evaluate them not, and sooner or later he will make an effort and without being asked for a close all cabinet doors, the curtain will correct and will remove chips from the table.