Emotional burnout – a piece unpleasant and dangerous, seems to be on everyone’s lips, the symptoms are known, but experts recommendations ( “Most relax, treat yourself to something nice, go outdoors, meet friends”) seem overwhelming. What meetings with friends, what are you ?! I get up at 6:30 am, or rather, do not get up, and lift up himself as from the grave, already tired, mechanically going, going to work, trying to no one’s gaze, around 11 seemed to finally wake up, in the afternoon I tend irresistibly to sleep, but for some unknown reason, to six in the evening, when we ought to go home, I vshtyrivaet, and comes the plowing. Home arrive about ten o’clock in the evening, children can not see or see before going to sleep, can not sleep until two or three in the morning, his head swirling thoughts, I want to jump up and a little more work. On Saturday I sleep till noon, I make myself at least something to do around the house, but to meet with someone further – thank you!
Sound familiar? Sometimes the overwhelming feeling of fatigue can join other physical manifestations, for example, when you look at your business calendar makes me sick. Or, when the phone rings, only desire – hryastnut them against the wall. The worst part is that roughly the same emotions cause treatment of children: any “! Maaam” or “! Dads” wave responds more or less controlled aggression. Yes, leave me alone already, finally at rest!
If you find that everything is about you, right now, without delay, write to anyone familiar psychologist and ask for the phone-psychotherapist. Because the symptoms of depression. And you urgently need treatment. Wrote? Call? Then I’ll tell you where his feet are growing in all these complexes perfectionist, and try to give some guidelines on how to change everything.
And, as expected, in order to lure you into the dark forest of the unconscious – that you tale about a good girl Nastya, who thought that I should not make mistakes.
Once there was a girl. Usual such small measure to the pretty, interesting, thoughtful, loving, serious long conversations, books, study nature and long walks with my grandparents. Everyone loved Nastya, however, no one was to her a special case, because the adults were busy. Well, Nastya was the only benefit, she was always embarrassed when she was too closely watched and asked questions about her. She did not know how to answer, as she is now. Well, how? Right here right now – well, interesting, warm, all the houses and no quarrels. And when the quarrel – it gets cold and dreary, but I have these words (sadly) do not know, I feel just that in a stomach knotted tight wet slippery tangle in my head starts to hurt and make a noise, and I want to hide in the farthest corner and not leave until life does not get better.
At some point, Nastya discovers that if she does something useful around the house or bring from school five, my mother like cheers, and Dad pay her more attention, asks that took place in history, and grandmother on the phone excitedly says his sister: “You have no idea what a good girl Nastya, one we have fun, and this self, all by herself, never make her do not!”. And Mom praises when she, without reminders, did all the lessons and washed the dishes. And the fact that the present wanted instead of lessons and utensils for a walk or read – so no one there knows, she never argues and does not insist.
No, it has not been blamed for the triple (twos is not intended at all), God forbid, intelligent as people, but my father so pointedly pulls: “Well, where much we try, dishwasher – also a great profession,” and the grandmother suddenly speaks loudly, as if the side: “Well, of course, an apple from apple-tree” – and expressive looks at her mother. And my mother somehow goes with red spots, and leaves the room with long strides. Well, my mother did not get a higher education, she is a hairdresser, not what Dad – Doctor of Sciences.
When Nastya ask for consultations ( “no strength at all, on the work of thinking makes me sick, have fun, go somewhere I do not want”), how to change her life, if she stops grasping for more and more tasks at work, if the linens will not Service, if instead of a museum with a child in Sunday she lain in bed all day with a book, the present covers the horror and panic. To be honest, she was even thinking about this is not solved, because it is bad. “How is it – to do nothing? Even when I read the book, she always seemed to listen, if my mother came to get up and running quickly with their homework. I’m ashamed that I’m wasting my time. ”
So, the first exercise that I ask Anastasia home – read on the clock. Literally set the timer for half an hour and read the “trash”, not to work, and for fun. Or “to stick to the telly,” if she likes it, but can not. Sometimes just comes to tears: “I was sitting with a book, but I can not read, my heart jumps, and her hands are wet.” That she was so scared that’re caught and punished.
Alternatively, nobody cared until the baby is busy whether asleep whether healthy or sick to eat, if he has the season’s clothing. Usually this witness in marginal or very sick families. Girl forced to live together with a mentally ill mother, can not sleep, all the while listening to the sounds outside the door, plus terrified of poverty and hunger. Therefore, working just to bloody blisters, but would not again experience the wild shame and horror, when back away from the street-beggar mother.
For it turned out to be salutary weekly disassembly of the closet, counting of love jars of preserves, shuffling piles of children’s clothing. I also told her some of the money to keep the house in the mid-denomination banknotes, and also from time to time to recalculate. Such a light-version of Koshchey King. By the way, it is now absolutely clear that he was a conscientious objector since birth, devoid of any kind was a love that’s trying to steal it for myself then, you sharpen, yes chests with gold everywhere – as a symbol of safety.
Actually, come to think of perfectionism as a way to control their fear of death, ritual Fast-Talk fate as bargaining with time ( “I’m going to do everything perfect, and then get a reward / me does not happen anything wrong / I do not lose the love of family , and themselves too close “), it becomes clear how to deal with it.
If your work wear is the fear of death – Find, figuratively speaking, “the Elder” and talk to him. This can be a priest, psychotherapist of existential sense, just older and wiser family member. The key word “wise” not to get what you come for help and consolation, and in response to you burst into tears in the face and asked to handle.
If you need security, and money (imaginary) care corporations give you that feeling – go any solid training on the subject. Not the enterprise, where you have to fall backwards, and psychological, with a competent and experienced coach who will help you to regain a sense of “I firmly stand on my feet,” “I love and take care of my body”, “I accept myself at my age “. Qigong, by the way, is very suitable technique. Not extreme sports such as skydiving or mountain climbing, on the contrary, will only aggravate it.
In general, all the spiritual practices aimed at stopping the endless spinning of thoughts, return to the “here and now”, is extremely useful for avoidant personality disorder. But perfectionism – that’s it. Anxiety drives us “faster, higher, stronger”, so as not to think and not to feel their vulnerability, loneliness, death. We all yearn to belong to something greater than ourselves, whether it is family, work team or the state. Merging with this common, we get a welcome feeling of peace and security, but it is only an illusion. In the end we have to admit that the adults – is what we have, that come to the aid of friends and family members, rather than Gazprom that all cases can not be undone, but miss the spring – easily.
I highly recommend the book Irvin Yalom “Looking at the sun.” This is one of my favorite authors, founder of existential direction in psychotherapy, very comforting reading. My personal Elder, so to speak. There are Sir Terry Pratchett, who under wraps funny fantasy can talk about deep and complex things. There Viktor Frankl, in the end, with his teaching about the search for meaning in life. Do not be afraid to look at yourself, ask – by which I run? From what thoughts and feelings I’m hiding in the job? I really want to fall, as the Pope, in the 46 years of a heart attack right at your desk? My kids really matter which company they wear, where they grow up without me?
If you are still afraid to carry out this research alone, you can always, let’s say, hire a guide: to seek professional help and support of a psychologist. Journey deep into yourself can be a very exciting, at least, it is much more useful than the ginger myself with endless energy and then lie flat. Tested to work.