More than anything, I love being pregnant and giving birth. Every time I am afraid, and still love!

I don sundresses for pregnant women from the first day of delay and burden the stomach as the Order. It’s so cool. It seems you have a mother, but the child is sitting quietly inside and does not cause too much trouble. Apart from my nine-toxicosis, of course.

And like the hospital. Whatever happened to me either. And there are different.

For me this is some space, a magical world where the magic happens. When in pain, fear, torment and abuse of doctors: “Precious booty, not the person” is born of your daughter.

Its somewhere to carry, and you scream at the sight of floating white robes: “Why is it silent ?! She is all right? She is alive?”. And then you hear the cat’s likeness squeak and sob with happiness. Alive!

You put it on your stomach, and you finally see his princess, who was waiting for nine months. Blue, like a frog, all in some kind of slime, with his head hanging down and tonyusenkoy purple hands and feet. Such native and beautiful. And howl even louder.

Just forget the pain and fear. One can only love …

By the way, why I write “she”? Because all four times I have been born a girl.


Pathological company

The first time I got to the hospital long before the birth of the first daughter – in the department of pathology. Then I did not like. In the eighth month of pregnancy, I came to Ukraine for two weeks in Moscow to his mother, and it turned out that I had something with the kidneys.

I wanted to hang out, meet friends, but a local gynecologist on these two weeks and I “caulked” (later, when we move here permanently, this wonderful woman will lead the three following my pregnancy). But in the House we have selected a great company.

… Marina – a wonderful woman of thirty-three and a deep neurosis. She was terrified of childbirth, and she and her husband paid some impressive sum for those times that she had a cesarean without indications. There, we have in the House, she was waiting for his operation.

Marina was a masseur, beautician. To distract from his “pregnant terror” has done us a massage and facial masks out of scrap materials. So we were lying on their bunks, though bellied and swollen, but it is quite modern and well maintained. Sometimes, though, another looked into the ward nurse in terror cried: “Mommy! What’s wrong with you?”. And what else can you say when you see the “bloody” face smeared with tomato pulp?

…Hope. ABOUT! She came to take a look at all of the patient’s pathology. Pregnancy in Nadi flowed just fine. Her “closed” just in case. She was 47 years old and pregnant with her first child.

To be honest, all of us it seemed obscenely old “for this business.” For the eyes, we called it “our retired” and wondered what it turns out, these “babulentsii” give birth.

But while we are young, beautiful and with masks on their faces, panting away on the corners and the toilets with their toxicity, threats and diagnoses, Hope fluttered in the department of pathology butterfly, wiped our tears and snot ran to us for nurses and gently cooed at phone with a favorite.

One evening, Hope told her, one after another threw two men. Both – due to the fact that she could not give birth. That missed abortion, the miscarriage, and then just could not get pregnant. In general, it is already “buried” like a woman, but then it fell in love with a man five years younger. Very touching courting and after some time, offered to marry him. Hope got pregnant immediately, and nine months passed perfectly. And she gave birth easily. I remember – girl 2800 grams. We then met on the stairs between the branches, and she told me.

… We had another neighbor in the ward. Who does not remember her name, but her huge belly (she already strongly “perehazhivala”) she called Victoria. And all pleaded: “Oh dear, well, get out quickly!”. But my daughter did not want to.

I will say without false modesty – this girl give birth without stimulation only thanks to me.

Here is how it was. I, as an Orthodox Christian, dragged along in the pathology of several icons and sitting in front of them in the very face masks, read prayer book. Experienced and wanted my pregnancy has ended safely.

Beautician Marina, the person is not a church, began to question me about my faith. And I, then to beginners and hot, passionately preached in the whole ward. And at one point he blurted out something about “all sorts of sectarians: Scientologists, Baptists, and the like.”

– Soooo! I would ask! – A girl came up to us with a belly-Victoria. – I’m a Baptist!

– Oh! – I’m confused.

It turned out that she was the wife of the son of a pastor and also very hot in defense of their faith.

We had a lot of arguing. That did not prevent us to share the “forbidden” to each other in the hospital victuals that we secretly passed – we both loved to eat. And our neighbor listened with interest. As a result, some very sharp point of our discussion about the icons, she abruptly got up from the bed, and she finally moved the water.

– Lena, you still did not understand – she cried to me when she was taken away on a gurney – we still agree!

After a couple of hours, she called and told me that Victoria safely born with a weight of 4500 grams, and all their Baptist meeting led by a pastor-in-law expressed my deep gratitude.

And soon they discharged me and I went to the Ukraine.

Caramba – no pain!

His first daughter I gave birth there, in a single provincial town on the whole hospital. On his first experience of childbirth I once wrote. But I remember again.

I am terribly afraid, but looking forward to a great mystery. My husband arranged with the manager, who was his good friend, to be allowed to give birth, and she personally took.

I thought it was all going to happen, like in the movies: the husband would massage my back, holding her hand, speak kind words, to do something more romantic. Then he will give at the hands of our first child, plump, tender and rosy-cheeked little girl, and he burst into tears of happiness and through tears will throw a grateful and loving glances at me. And I’ll lie so beautiful and they both smile.

Instead, as I howled in pain, sitting on the floor on all fours, they talked with the head peacefully side by side … about art. No, sometimes he has fanned me a folder with documents, when I began to publish absolutely inhuman sounds, but it helped me a little.

– Do not pay attention, they all behave – with a smile consoled his head.

– Do not you yell (it’s me). I can not hear your husband … So there Tarkovsky?

Periodically, she invited me to participate in their sweet conversation:

– Len, and have you seen such a performance in Moscow? – It is addressed to me.

Apparently, my eyes bulged convince her that yes, I saw and I liked horror as. She nodded in satisfaction and turned away.

“Sacrament” Sami generations really started.

I was crying all the time:

– You promised that it will not hurt!

– Caramba-baramba, no pain! – She said to the voice of the good sorceress and made over the place where my daughter got out, the mysterious hand gestures.

As a result of my laughter through tears daughter flew a bullet. Varvara, weight 2460 grams, height 48 cm. In time.

When I put it on my stomach, I felt mixed emotions. Instead of white and pink, my skinny girl shimmer with shades of blue. And my head spun, “gave birth to the Queen of the night …”.

I stayed in the hospital for over a week. I would have written sooner, but I am asked to postpone the date of a terrible, afraid to be alone with Varya. I was sure that I will destroy our crumbs.

And then began all put new parents disasters. Colic, stomachs, sleepless nights and a complete absence of freedom, to which I was accustomed. And constant fear.

My maternal instinct woke up with a creak, and then I decided that the more children I will not. Never! Been there – we know!


Tuzhtes silence!

Life went on, I worked Varia grew. And when she was three years old, I suddenly realized that I want to tear another child.

So I got pregnant the second daughter. It was a different pregnancy. Absolutely hassle, unlike the first. Months before I even have the fifth for a morning jog in the forest. All waited if the stomach ache. Varya was sick all the time. Ill! So, everything is fine.

To give birth, I went by ambulance into the first hospital. Without a husband.

I put an enema, was taken to rodblok. Boxes are there some, in ryadochek, with transparent walls. And mothers see each other.

I remember a girl in the next “cell” was already at the peak of contractions. She grabbed hold of the glass between us, pressed to face him and stared at me wild-eyed. And then with a groan slipped down. First disappeared flattened on the glass face and slid down his hands behind him. And it seemed to me that this is some kind of “Titanic.”

When strong contractions started I already have, to my “cabin” flew panting nurse:

– Fast! We forgot to make US!

– Quickly I can not!

– Why?

– We fight me!

– Then we all fight! Run!

I barely hobbled to the office of ultrasound, and she grumbled: “Will you go slowly, give birth in the corridor!”.

In the corridor, I would not. And crawled faster.

And I remember, I took birth whether intern, or student. And the doctor all the time conducted:

– For that do not pull, tear off! Carefully – broke!

– I’m afraid – she murmured.

– So! Sometime you need to start!

– Can you potreniruetes on cats? – I moaned.

– Mother! Your business push! That tuzhtes silence!

– Silently, I can not …

Sonia was born. I remember that when I was still in the maternity chair, and it is – in my stomach, I wanted a third. Madly! Although ultrasound stazherok or not done. Apparently, the maternal instinct finally woke up.

In the House, we were alone with the girl from “Titanic.” She is very worried about her baby and jumped at the slightest rustle. One night, my Sonya wept, and she grabbed asleep peacefully snuffle son and thrust his chest.

– Go to sleep, this is my …

– A? What?

– Sleep, I say …

– And he definitely did not cry?


Three days later, we were discharged, and the days began some unearthly happiness.

From the first I was afraid of everything, and now I’m just enjoying this time. Sonia clock hanging on my chest, and I could not stop looking at her. Parallel Vare read books, tell stories.

All those sleepless nights, stomach … It was a little thing compared to a miracle that I was holding. And miraculously, who sat beside him. My girls. And together, we dreamed of the third. And Dad, too.


I bless give birth!

When Sonia was one year and nine months, I became pregnant with a third.

I gave birth at the end of winter (the other daughter were born in the summer), and it was not easy.

The most vivid impressions from that pregnancy – a foot-pad, which does not fit any one boots. And painful procedure for putting on stockings. Hands did not hold out through the abdomen to toe and had to bend and dodge.

And pressure. In the pregnancy it I rose up impressive numbers, and I constantly want to put in the pathology. I heroically refused, but eventually, when nine months before my eyes “flew flies,” her husband called an ambulance.

Doctors arrived, ordered to urgently gather, and I murmured:

– Wait, I have to call my father.

– What for? – They were surprised.

– It must be!

I phoned my father, Anatoly, our friendly priest from Ukraine. For a blessing. The fact that his blessing to give birth “works like a clock.”

I remember when I was still pregnant with their first daughter, the time came to give birth to my girlfriend. We were then in Ukraine. My husband, father and some other people were in her party and farewell, Anatoly father said, “I bless today bear!”. And she gave birth. It happened on 15 January.

Two years later, my girlfriend got pregnant again. And 15 January are the same company (but without us, we lived in Moscow) celebrated the birthday of her first son. And just leaving, Father joked:

– I Bless give birth!

– Oh, I still have two weeks – she smiled.

And a few hours later gave birth …

Behind this “miracle” blessing I then called. To all I was good.

– God help you! – The father said. – Do not worry.

And doctors chased me in every way …

I got in the same department of pathology, where lay kidney, pregnant with their first daughter. But the blessing of Anatolia “acted” his father, so that there was no free chambers. And I put the toll free with all amenities. After birth, too, was not the case. And we are the third, Dunya, again proved to be free in the VIP room.

Give birth to me at all-it was early, was 36 weeks. I treated her and were going to write. But suddenly the water broke, and instead of the house I was in the delivery room.

During the birth the first time I did an epidural. However, Dunya was born very quickly and analgesia worked when I gave birth. Moreover, it worked so that I felt as if I had palsy. I do not feel the legs and very worried. I called all the doctors and asked: “Doctor! I will walk?”. I remember even the head of the department several times checked me, and then they called me together “our legless”. I overheard.

I also remember Dunya peep and did not scream anymore. I was afraid that it is something wrong, and comforted, and doctors called it “an intelligent girl.”


Behave with dignity!

On the last, fourth delivery, I wrote a lot – then, in hot pursuit. I thought that it was a real horror and nightmare. But as time passed, all was forgotten, and remained the same feeling of inexpressible miracle.

To give birth, I went to the hospital, which is highly recommended to me as the best my gynecologist. It really is the best. Just, apparently, it does not work without incident at me.

At two o’clock in the morning my water broke, I was awakened by my husband, and we began to gather.

– What baby? – Sleepily asked me young nurse.

– Fourth!

Apparently, it is frightened, and muttered: “What a nightmare,” she quickly clothed me in a uniform and called klizmistku. As I sat on the toilet and “reaping the fruits” enema, they talked loudly, if I give birth right there. Then they took me to the doctor, which is about half an hour made out some papers, and during that time did not even look at me. And then all went out somewhere. Another twenty minutes later another doctor came by and asked about my birth.

– Fourth!

I was caught up in his arms and dragged him to a chair. It was about seven o’clock. After examining me, the doctor promised to make epidural anesthesia to half past eight and vanished.

Struggling with contractions, I wandered down the corridor past the prenatal Branch boxes (where permitted), and considered other women in childbirth. I remember one of them promised to throw out the window if it urgent that something will not. I looked at her, she was covered in tattoos.

– These words to the wind does not throw – flashed through my mind – it’s true jump.

– I’m all numb, umiraaayu – heard a groan from another box.

In the hallway just about something conferred group in white coats.

– I’m sorry – I said to him. – There’s a girl bad. He says that he was dying.

– It’s okay – waved one of them. – And you do not surf here. Also go.

– Ahhh! – I came from somewhere scream. – All! This is the end!

“Dressing” continued to speak calmly.

– Dreaming is only the beginning, – muttered a passing nurse.

…A half past eight. I crawled to the doctors.

– I’m sorry, I was at that time promised to anesthetize.

– And who promised?

– Oh, doctor … in a white coat – I explained.

They smiled slyly:

– Take heart! You cheated. At nine we shift change, so at 8:30, no anesthesiologist you will not do anything. He will go and who will be responsible for you?

– Ahh! Ooooh! – This I started another fight.

– What baby? – Raised his voice one of the “robes”. – Fourth? Behave with dignity! Shift change over, you numb.

I crawled.

… Half past nine. Shift change over.

– I promised to anesthetize, – I said to the doctors.

– We have a conference, all then! – They waved at me and have gone somewhere across the crowd.

There were, it seems, two midwives and one a young doctor.

– I attempts, I rozhaaayu – suddenly shouted from a nearby boxing girl in tattoos.

– Here all give birth, – giggled midwives

– My head between her legs sticking out! – Screaming girl louder.

I was just in front of her room. She sat in a special chair and already really kid’s head.

– Truth gives birth! – Yelled ran up midwives. And throwing five minutes to his mother on the bed, right there in the prenatal, picked up the child emitted.

At this point, all came from the conference, including the long-awaited anesthesiologist, and I made the promise epiduralku. And you know what I tell you? Although this was my largest baby, childbirth were easily. Surprisingly even.


In the post-natal ward, I was the main character. All the other moms gave birth, it seems, for the first time. They questioned me and surprised my sentimentality. I lay on the bed and all admired his daughter at his Antonin. And it was like the first time: through fear and pain – a feeling of vast, universal miracle.

I cried from happiness and almost immediately forgot all the bad. Or maybe it was not, and all went as it should.

I looked at my daughter and thought: “Is this the last time? And maybe, after all, no? “. Most of all in that moment I was afraid would never give birth.