What is love? The basis of many works of literature and art is an attempt to understand and describe this feeling. Love is one of the most beautiful mysteries of human relationships, which, I think, to the end and it is not necessary to solve. How to explain that one person, who is perceived as a very good and worthy, we do not like, and the other with a mass of flaws, love? Unclear…
Similarly, we can say that this feeling, making you suffer and be happy at the same time. This is one of the most powerful motivational forces driving man. Someone wise said, we come into this world for one purpose: to receive love or give it.
Love wants to take care
How can you look at this state from the point of view of psychology? The Alfred Langley, Austrian psychotherapist Viktor Frankl student and founder of the Austrian school of existential analysis, says that love – is the relationship of entities, it is freedom that makes a person stronger, more real, essential. Love makes a man generous, he wants all his share with others.
It is experienced as a great value, which is afraid to lose, so there is a desire to care. Love wants to take care of the other, to take care of it. We begin to care about the health of another, to take care of his dream vacation, we want to give him all the best. And if something happens to your favorite or his sense, then we suffer.
The German philosopher Max Scheler wrote: “Love – is to see the other in what it can be – to become even better, more himself.”
Marina Tsvetaeva wrote about the same thing: “To love – is to see man as God intended it and did not realize the parents.”
The love that asks nothing in return – a mature love. She set out to give, not just receive a residence shared values, joy, out to help each other in the implementation of themselves in life, the fact that something together to create and shape the future.
The words of a loving person
What will we mature love? Well, what do you have in this world, what a blessing that I can communicate with you, have to spend time to help you in your development to go on the road together and please each other.
Mature love does not slow down, and helps a person to develop. When a loved one says: I want to learn something, mature love says: I’m so glad that you dedicate this time, if this is important to you. And although we will see less, I can live with. Immature love starts yelling: No! And what about me?! I’ll die without you, zachahnu, I will be sad and lonely!
Immature love demands attention, mature – gives it, without losing sight of his person, too.
Mature love releases, so it is free, it can even allow the other to leave the love. Even if there is a feeling that with me it would have been better. But if the other wants to leave, then he should try to find yourself in another.
Once I heard supposedly the real story, when her husband comes to his wife, with whom he lived for twenty years, and says: I’m leaving you, I fell in love with the other, she’s younger, more fun, more interesting with it. He went to collect things, and when I returned to the room, he saw that his wife covered the holiday table and opened the champagne.
– What’s the matter? – The husband asked.
– I am very happy for you, you’ve got the new love, this is happiness.
A week later, my husband went back to his wife.
– From angels do not go away, – he commented on his return.
I do not know whether this is a true story, but the reaction of his wife could be an example of mature love.
What is the difference between mature and immature love? If true love, we can be called seeing the immature love (here we assign and love) is blind. Love sees no other way it is, and then view the image that I have in relation to others. In this way more than myself, my desires than real different.
Immature love comes from domestic deficit and wants to make up for it at the expense of another, longer wants to receive and possess completely different. In immature love more people looking at herself.
Criteria mature love
What are the criteria for mature love? In mature love a person needs in a relationship, but do not depend on them. The relationship is trust and loyalty. The space relations is such that they have a place of mutual respect, the right of each partner to be themselves, to realize not only the joint but also the interests and values.
In mature love a person can listen to the partner, without prejudice to its living and its important and valuable. He can speak not only about what you like, but also to discuss with those who are fond of unpleasant moments associated with the relationship, to seek a compromise and a way of resolving conflicts. Doing it together, on the basis of mutual respect.
True love always wants to continue, it is filled with meaning, wants joint building and fruits. These fruits are often children, can be co-creation or job.
Mature love sees people not as he would like to see, and the way it is, with all its weaknesses. Mature love can take a man in his imperfection and love it so, rather than attempting to alter under itself. Sooner or later in your partner, we notice features or features that we do not really like or not close. But if something very important subjectively we like to us, then take it that we think is not very good – it is a sign of great maturity. This gives a chance to save the love, because feeling can melt away like a cloud, if it is not protected.
No princes, there are people. To love a person, not an imaginary image – is not easy, but possible. And in order not to require the other to you, he devoted his whole life to live your interests and filled your life, try to do it for themselves. Then lower the claims and reasons to be dissatisfied with the space of love in this case is free, easy, it is pleasant to breathe and live.
In conclusion, I want to recall the wonderful story of Henri Barbusse “Tenderness”. It consists of five letters of love: great suffering, and full of surprising tenderness to tears terrific care of his beloved.
Love you … real.