There are some things in the Scriptures, which are very difficult to accept. Certain statements and phrases, the first reaction to that rejection becomes.
“And he leaves his father and mother of his people, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh” is also one of them. For many, it is puzzling and sometimes outrage – as mom and dad leave? It is only with age, and with the increase begin to understand how it is right to family life. Well, well, the only way we can argue, if you chose a family life. This phrase should be firmly glued future spouses as the strongest glue in the world. I do not stick together and merge. And if all stuck together correctly, no external factors will not be able to hold a rift between spouses
Moreover – as long as the person is not ready to accept it “will leave his father and mother” is not worth it, in my opinion, and create their own family. What does it mean to take? This means, once and for all understand that from now on the wife / husband is a priority for your life, as they say now in politics. What comes first – ahead of the interests and opinions of parents – will stand the interests and opinions of the spouse. I do not want to consider any egregious situation and give them an example, when a clear and unfairly prejudiced parents when the spouse specifically think only of their own advantage, etc. etc. There is already a question of love and trust each other, respect each other. After all, the commandment about honoring parents has not been canceled.
I’m not saying that if parents need help, you need to sit down and watch with her beloved husband a football match, not run to help them. Everything must be reasonably and in moderation. But, clearly, family issues are resolved between a husband and wife, without the involvement of parents with one or the other side. Both husband and wife should always be on the side of each other, and not on the side of their parents. Because the husband / wife is more important than Mom and Dad! Because if the husband or wife is torn between her husband and parents, then nothing good from such a family will not work. It is no secret that it was the intervention of parents in the family life of children is one of the most common causes of disagreement between the spouses. And more often than not simply intervene and authoritarian pressure on their adult children. How many cases around us, when just after collapsing home life through the efforts of parents, often, alas, mothers. And happy are those families in which “do not climb” mother-in-law.
By the way, that’s why I’ve never liked the idea of the “big patriarchal family”, when several generations live together. For it is the same – no privacy. The spouses must live separately, as far as possible. At least at the beginning of their married life, when they are building their relations on all subsequent time. Plus in such a family there is the authority of a senior, which also can have a positive impact on the family life of children. Because once an adult – he should be head of the family decision-maker, responsible for them. A woman should be the sole mistress. Let us leave aside the discussion of care for elderly parents, this is another story, everything is decided by circumstances.
And, as if bitter it may be, but in the case of global differences better to quarrel with their parents than with their spouse. And even terminate a relationship with them. After all, marriage becomes the husband to his wife most dear man, but woman for the man. Rodney and more important than the closest, blood relatives. For kinship is something kind of animal instinct. For the sake of interest and, in part, from the statistics of reasons I asked acquaintances of women to whom they trust and who agree more often in controversial situations – a husband or mother. The overwhelming majority answered that her husband. Moreover, even in cases where, figuratively speaking, in the relations of the spouses, not all “chocolate”. And often the answer was – it is me better knows and understands what Mom.
It would then be appalled as well ??? My mother, my own mother, daughter understands worse than her husband. But it’s natural! For Mom you are always a child, no matter how old you may be. And even the wise and lovely mom at heart still tries to control your actions. And her husband – it’s almost you yourself, a part of you, hence his decision – it is your decision (which for some reason you can not express itself). Once I read that most closely related (genetically) in bees from one hive. Closer than that of siblings, sisters (and it is most closely related people, as I understand it). And the bees so completely of one mind. So if such a genetic unity wonder how much more surprising marriage !!! When most of the world family two people are people who were once strangers to each other at all …
And moms who are actively crawl into married life of their children is necessary to remember – what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. So much in life we were lucky that our parents do not interfere with our family life. In this connection, we have an excellent relationship with them. And if something is heard, and to us, this is our address, not condemnation or daughter-in-law. And that’s what has suddenly remembered – once my grandmother told me that her parents had always stood on the side of her husband (not her) in family affairs. Grandmother sometimes resented, and only over time realized how wise it was.
I wonder how often some stupid movie, book, talking, any little thing you can to push suddenly serious reflection on serious issues. Here I’ve recently watched an old movie, “Stop, and then Mom Will Shoot,” and so all of a sudden thought. I was once asked – and how you talk to her girls on the future of life, marriage, etc. I thought and found it difficult to answer, because it is not specifically say. So, in between times, by the way, it is something we can discuss, but special talks has not yet formed. Basically, I have a lot of things they say on the subject of marriage. Though I understand that, most likely, at some point especially to listen to me, no one will, as it happens in adolescents. I think this is temporary, and I hope the example of our own family to teach them everything. I know one thing for sure – I will try to convey to their daughters that since the release of the main married in their lives to become just the husband. Because “one flesh”, and the words of the “sticky” to her husband, leaving father and mother – not a metaphor.
Can you imagine what responsibility lies with us for the future, the future of our adult children? We did, and they also have to prepare for family life. Of course, in a family where the parents of one mind, to do it much easier. Actually, nothing special and not to do – the children themselves see as close to mom and dad, husband and wife. And each of us, parents whose children used to be – God forbid – find their half, become “one flesh” and for all leave us (as dependent on us humans) must advance to live with it. Prepare to safely release your child in family life. And even a little cool especially affectionate relationship, to avoid the temptation to daughter (or son) just that run crying from her husband to her mother. Sure, my mother is still expensive and the family man, but if I were asked, I would have said – I want my daughters to have the most native person was still my husband, not my mother and dad.
In this sense, it seems to me that the baby girl’s desire to marry dad (I would too :)) is a very good sign that the relationship between husband and wife in the family have developed the right. This fact means that the girl does not just love my dad, which means she sees how it relates to my mother, and how close they are united. And as a future woman, the normal and usual, the girl wants the same relationship within the family. I can not say for boys and mothers, because they do not have experience in this matter. But I think that moms of boys (and dads, of course, but the Pope still at the present time less interfere in domestic affairs of their adult children) is still a big responsibility – so to raise her son to once he was able to become one with his wife and put her above the mother.
Generally, the more you live with her husband, the more the mind is no longer just you know, and all my being feels as inseparable bond between the spouses. Is it really a mystical bond. That even after the death of a spouse is saved, so that there are many examples, I think, and among your friends. Just when I was a few days pondering this text and the general theme of community spouse, I caught the eye here is the statement from the diaries of the Empress Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova: There is something sacred and causing almost awe that his wife, marrying, focuses all his interests on the man she takes a husband. She leaves the house of his childhood, his mother and father, breaks all the threads that bind her to her past life. It leaves those activities, which previously was used. She looks into the face of the one who asked her to be his wife, and with a trembling heart, but with a calm confidence gives him his life. And her husband happily feels that trust. This is a lifetime of happiness of the human heart, capable and unspeakable joy, and immeasurable suffering. The wife in the full sense of all giving to her husband. For every man is a solemn moment – to take responsibility for the young, fragile, delicate life that trusted him, and cherish it, protect, preserve, until death snatch from him his treasure, or until death strike him.
Is it exactly so could write only the wife with the husband of one mind completely, completely become with him one.
And then I even say (although sure many people do not agree with me) that the relationship between husband and wife is so close that even the children in the family are secondary. They have only addition to his parents, and their main family once will own family. Very often, the birth of children the focus has shifted, and after a while it turns out that the entire family life focused only on children revolves around them and above all putting their interests and priorities. I think that it is somehow wrong … Although certainly, at some period of life nowhere on it does not go. Importantly, do not forget to get out of this state, and then return to the spouses to each other, not to become a fellow services for children. And be sure to spouses should be at least some time to spend together, it is, if you will, by necessity. Just as any person needs to be alone with him. And sometimes use something for my wife / husband to be placed above the interests and benefits for children. In my opinion, children should immediately be accustomed to the fact that mom and dad have just their time, their personal lives, access to which is closed to children.
To some it may seem that I am contradicting myself, what is written in previous articles about how useful to be obstinate wife, and now suddenly on unanimity. But that’s just the awesomeness of marital unity, that becomes one, one flesh, each spouse remains the same. It does not dissolve, it is co-cooperation, complement each other, mutual enrichment, education itself, and hence each other. It is important that the main thing was common, the main line of life, if you want. Each family is unity develops in their own way, often immediately, and very often it turns out “through the thorns to the stars.” The main thing – let out!