Who is this stranger, who had just moaned, “You and all you will do anyhow? And so will work? And the salary corresponding to receive? “. It was that really me? What nonsense I’m talking about? I seriously do not believe that my first-grader will work in the future (very distant) as he is writing in a notebook. It is possible, at work, the name of which has not even been invented. And even more do not know what skills it requires, but it is unlikely calligraphy.
From what depths of the subconscious we, Mom advanced students, there are those stamps? About the direct road to the janitors, about the gloomy prospects, about the “learn well – take a good job.” After the connection of school performance and success is not as direct as we were told as a child. Among the richest people in the world are those who did not make much progress in school and do not receive higher education: for example, Tony Robbins, the highest paid in the coaching world, Bill Gates, who is so badly behaved at school that it led to a psychiatrist (! ). And do not go far enough to remember their classmates. Obviously, their school grades do not correlate with the current income.
And besides, we do not think the greatest happiness just to have a high-paying job. We call happiness favorite work for decent money. But to find it, we must be able to hear yourself, believe in yourself, go on your way. This is not taught in school. It turns out, we translate the children the belief in ourselves that we do not believe to the end and are not supported by life. Why? Why it is that concerns studies of our children, if we occasionally disable critical thinking and include familiar tedious song?
I think we, the parents, it is necessary to understand the most honest in his beliefs about children’s learning. Arrange them on the shelves that do not fall under the public hypnosis, and to act in their right mind and blessed memory, no stories about the janitor.
Why should your child go to school? Do I need to learn it well? If yes, for what? Well – it is “5” in all subjects? Or are there other criteria? Why him do homework? What are the successful strategies in life, according to your version?
I formulated an answer for himself and the eldest son: “I want you to know how to think, analyze the information and look for a solution. This is what is called an inquiring mind. I believe that it will help you become a good specialist and easily compete with other professionals. When you are able to do something that people want, better than others, and are able to solve complex problems, you are well paid for it. And you can choose your interesting projects. Can you make my life interesting. To do this, you need all the time to train the brain. I also very much want you to feel good at school. To do this you need to do homework and be attentive in class. ”
Would you like formulated?
I remember how in the first grade, I was crying because of the “quartet” in a notebook – did not want to upset my mother. We are all constantly evaluated since childhood. Each of us has their injuries associated with this estimation, even if we put only “five”. And they immediately rise to the surface when the estimate of our children and us – through. And this has already been consigned to the past fears such as “will do poorly in school – become a janitor” raised, and say instead of us, when we are discussing with their children study.
It is important to try to separate their projections of the child. At least to pause, breathe, breathe out and ask yourself: “What kind of trouble now I’m overwhelmed when I read the note in the notebook? What is it? How do I have it? “. In most cases, there is no real danger. Perhaps there is a little difficulty with a particular topic or skill in a child. When we understand this, we can find a way to help the child, so he accepted our help.
Let us, as far as possible, to protect our children from the estimated relationship. Remember how it was with us? You brought home the “five” – affectionate mother (or neutral, if you are an excellent student). They caught the “troika” – my mother’s tone changes to a strict, cold or ironic. Expression harsh or upset. You understand that your assessment – this is the main measure of your value. They are more important than your inner life, your thoughts, your discoveries about the world and people. Gradually you begin to believe it themselves. And become dependent on external evaluations.
Maybe start smiling children, even if the blog flash triples? With the new school year!