Again and again in front of me, this obsession with image: Beach, margaritas, and most importantly, a wonderful husband. Yes, of course, everyone needs a vacation, and couples too. Like many couples, my husband and I longed for some time to make a break from business, relax, to really get closer to each other.
But my fantasies do not come true. Every time something interferes.
Unfortunately, the reality is that we do not get any luxurious romantic vacation in the near future, and we rarely can afford to fork out for unusual visits, expensive gifts or interesting excursions. One reason: the money and the children. So how do you keep love in marriage, having no foreseeable prospects for an exciting romantic getaway?
In our pair together we distribute our responsibilities and act as a team. We work every day to take care of home and children. To keep the romance in marriage, we both need time free from worries and time together, full of pleasant emotions. But alas, much-needed romance seems unattainable in our everyday life.
Fortunately for us and another couple, it was found that for romance in everyday life offers much more opportunities than people think. According to Dr. John Gottman psychology, creator of the famous “Love Lab”, love in relationships well fed daily moments of intimacy in the home. To maintain a good relationship does not necessarily go to a romantic holiday, where “all inclusive”.
What exactly does he mean? Here are three daily habits that will make your marriage strong and durable.
Assist other small signs of attention and care
According to a family expert Dr. Jack Ito small signs of love and kindness are very important. In his article “How to show love in a marriage,” he writes, that the great sacrifices married only alienates us from each other. Full-time work to pay the mortgage, cooking, caring for children – all this is necessary, expected and due to the debt. But when you do some small things, it proves that you really want them to do. They show your spouse that you are happy to make an extra effort, because he or she is worth it.
In the book “The Seven Principles that will make the marriage work,” Dr. Gottman says that Hollywood distorts our ideas about romantic love: “When we look like Humphrey Bogart enters into the arms of weeping, Ingrid Bergman, our hearts melt, but the romance of real life, fueled by much more humdrum scenes. It comes to life whenever you give your husband to understand that he or she is important to you in the ordinariness of everyday life. ”
When I think about it, I feel that I love: my husband does for me the most simple things, for example, put a plate in front of me for lunch or sending sms during the day to see how I was doing. Or when he was doing some stuff to help me with the children. Almost every morning, Kyle brings me a child in a clean diaper. This love, my friend.
Take time to talk to each other “yes” every day
Time – the enemy always employed spouses. But the time spent in constructive interaction with your other half, is priceless. According to Dr. Gottman, “husband and wife and then indicate the need for attention – offering a topic of conversation, asking about some kind of service, etc. -.. And the happiest couples are those who are constantly” are turning “its partners” . They say “yes” to the request of each other for attention, interaction and, of course, love. According to Gottman, is the daily interaction with each other allows couples to create a baggage of love and trust.
Right now, I think about the needs of my husband’s attention and intimacy, the signal of which I missed last week. Kyle all day digging, planting and put the soil in our backyard. Many times he asked me if I had seen what he’s done. At least twice I said “no, not seen,” and continued to hang out the laundry after washing. Finally, it dawned on me: he wanted to share with me their achievements and get my approval. After that, I came several times in the back yard just to share his joy of spring work in the yard.
Create rituals in your couple
The principle of “as soon as we do” incredibly effective in relations. According to family therapist Zach Brittle, rituals – a way to make sure your relationship is unique. The rituals – these are some regular events or traditions that have your pair and to help strengthen your bond.
If you’re like me, you too breathe irregularly to films and TV series. I understand that it would be better to spend your free time on reading a book, but to be honest, joint viewing favorite channel – one of our best Kyle rituals. Once we laid the last kid, we almost run over to the couch and turn on the TV. We really are getting closer to the time. If you say that I’m just making excuses for his bad habit, I will not argue. We have established a ritual – spend the evening together, doing what we like both.
When I finally go on vacation of your dreams, I want to in my luggage had already been a lot of love and trust. I want to bring clear only the two of us jokes and the story of our relationship, filled with care and kindness. I want to experience the incredible feeling that this wonderful man – my husband and my hero and life, and my novel. Then holidays will be unforgettable.