1
“Voices of Women in Love” – the so-called concert singer Irina Bahusheusk and writer and blogger Martha Ketra, which will be held on April 16 in Moscow in the Central House of Artists. More precisely – concert talk , as stated in the announcement.

There are songs, there will be answers to the questions listeners and readers – a wave, that what disturbs the heart that causes pain or joy. Matrony.Ru asked Irene and Martha questions – just about what they think a lot of women.

Woman: trauma, weakness and strength

– What prevents the modern woman?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– We, in my opinion, great to prevent excessive demands of society. In our country, the idea of Clara Zetkin and Rosa Luxemburg on the total equality of men and women have fallen on the revolutionary soil and gave such powerful shoots, the highly advanced and partly forced emancipation, that sometimes it would be desirable to pass a little bit ago.

Now successful woman we simply must be held by a professional and gentle wife, exemplary mother and keeper of the hearth, excellent cook, perfect look … Yes, I have friends and acquaintances who have this focus is obtained, but it can by no means all, not every lack of energy and resources – and the expectations put pressure on all the same. And many girls toil, trying to be perfect – and then fall down on the sofa and start to write repentance letters to the social network: yes, I can not cope, I’m a bad mother and no housewife.

And this observation: many women who come to Moscow to work in former Soviet republics, remain at home husbands. Well, that is it is torn to three jobs, provides children and grandchildren – and he was like watching a home, mi-mi-mi. I would like to say, Rosa, Clara, what you’ve done? Not about this equality, we dreamed of! That this infantile men who are confident that you can lie on the couch, while his wife is out there running around the burning huts – a strange post-Soviet phenomenon. And I think that is the legacy of our harsh history, when women after the war were simply forced to do all the “do-you-do.”

March Ketra:
– about the same as any woman of all time – time. Time passes, life passes. Winter Is Coming. Compared with the transience of life of all obstacles seem a trifle.

– What, in your opinion, the advantages of the modern woman?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Modern women are very different. I think girls like songs about “Louboutin” heroine engaged in fishing wealthy men, quite a lot. But there are those who build themselves: learn, develop, support themselves. For me, self-sufficiency – Just great conquest of modern women. Those, of course, who wants to be self-sufficient.

March Ketra:
– I’m afraid I can not handle such a generalization of latitude. The only thing for sure – we slightly extended the age of the youth and physical health. Now we are not aunt thirty and forty, and grandmothers – already sixty. Win ten years, definitely a big win.

– Are there injuries that are passed from one generation of women to the next?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Oh, there could be possible to answer the thesis – or a series of articles, such as Lyudmila Petranovskaya psychologist. She has a brilliant cycle of materials just about injuries generations , and I am pleased to advise you all-all-all of them to read, not just women.

March Ketra:
– Everyone has his own family’s trauma. In our family, this requirement exploit women of our family have always lived in constant heroic effort, and when the light fell out fate, they languished.

And as a whole – or rather just passed traumatic language of love. When she said that love and care expressed in controlling her daughter will communicate with your dearest in the same language. If mom yelled and nagged when I wanted to express my concern for the child, it will also raise your voice with the best intentions.

– Should there be a strong woman? Who is – a strong woman?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– You know, it’s an excellent question – but the answer is very simple. Because the cult of “strong women” who were forced to have emerged in the country after the war – a rather dangerous thing. Because the woman, accustomed to life in the business to be strong and self-sufficient, easy to violate the boundaries of male responsibility, takes himself male competence, she begins her own decisions – and for men it is quite good. Just then is when he lies on the couch. Well, if a woman is strong in spirit, without this it is impossible to develop and achieve success. But in addition to force a woman to be still and wisdom, if it wants to have a normal family.
2
March Ketra:
– The woman in this sense quite different from the person – any person better to be strong to live with dignity. The concept of strength for me included survival, flexibility, the ability to regenerate emotional wounds, mental fortitude and the will.

– Do I need a woman to weakness, which is traditionally associated with femininity?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– I would not call it quality of weakness. I say that we need the ability to listen, ability to respect, the ability to trust, the ability to afford to behave – you know how to tango. The tango is always a partner! Well invented Dear Universe. This is an excellent model of harmonious relations: there is nothing to prevent the partner to be feminine as much as she can and wants to.

March Ketra:
-, the weakness is very useful if a woman plans for themselves the fate of a physical or emotional disability, which can not exist without assistance. In all other cases it is enough time to recognize that any problem you can not afford. There is a difference between “being weak” and “not to be able to everything in the world.” Not to take what you can not do quite enough.

The life and thanks

– What are you grateful life?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Just not enough room to list. My life has been very generous – and gifts, and testing. But I am grateful even for the trials, – the time passes, and it turns out that one too, an update, you become stronger and maybe a little bit smarter.

March Ketra:
– For the fact that I can write a book, because I love my husband, I have a good dad and that his son like me.

– What was the most difficult to endure?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Disease and care of parents. That is a state of helplessness, when a loved one dies, and nothing you can do about it, probably the worst thing that can be tested. My mother, God rest her soul, there is already twenty years old – and I still miss her.

March Ketra:
– From the last – the death of the cat, we were together for seventeen years, and I loved him very much, very much.

– What, in your opinion, is the most precious thing in life?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Awareness and develop skills. For me, this is the key to any event in life. If you are aware of where you are and what’s happening to you, – you can go through it, you can fix it. It so happens that you live, as it were, without regaining consciousness, and it’s just a waste of time. Because time – the main resource, it is important not to step through to the small stuff.

March Ketra:
– Talent – that is a manifestation of God’s purpose in man.

On charity

– The fact that today many are involved in the charity – a trendy movement or much more?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– I am very glad that the charity has become a trend. I remember how it all began ten years ago, when the fund “Give Life” took the first steps. It was a wildly difficult – it was impossible to rent a hall for an event, get esters. Lots of people say, “Fffu what an abomination – PR on sick children.”

Friends, it is impossible to collect some large sum, if not to attract attention to the problem! I am glad that many have understood and agreed with it as a given. And, you know … I have recently once again transferred money into one fund, it is necessary to click on the name of the person to whom you translate, and they go in alphabetical order. And flipping these lists, flipping, and they are some kind of endless. And just takes aback: why, why all these people calling a spade a spade, are forced to beg on your treatment? What the country does not have the money? Why spend billions on military operations anywhere in Syria – we have that at home all right? All cancer patients are anesthetized? Get the necessary treatment?

How I dream to live up to the moment when the Ministry of Health will have a normal budget, sufficient to treat all Russian citizens who need help! Sorry, just pent up. And it turns out that the charity – not a fashion but a necessity! Because, as the girl had written, which I transferred money, “it can happen to anyone. Today, this one -. I ” You see? Had that we can not count on the state, not a good master. And just to each other.

March Ketra:
– This is a nice easy way to feel better. If tormenting thought that you live in vain, you can take solace in helping other people and animals.

– Why do you do philanthropy?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Because it can happen to anyone. And because it happened to my parents, I was absolutely helpless. Then there was another personal story: the son was ill with leukemia my close friend. I started a LiveJournal, to find him a donor. And away we go. Through the blog, I met with volunteers and donors, we have found, and healed him, and then he was just a few years a full, happy life. And it is wildly important, especially for me as a person who has cancer took both parents to try to still fight and do something. But I would not say that I somehow this special “engaged.”

I do not Chulpan, which put his life on the Fund and for days and years solves these problems, I do not Katya Chistyakov, which it lives. I’m doing what I can, for example, support the Foundation “Galchonok”, which grew out of the idea of Galina Chalikova, the first director of the fund “Give Life”, to help children with cerebral palsy.

March Ketra:
– There are people that I love, they need help sometimes. There are those who I respect, they need support for projects. And someone causes an acute attack of self-pity, which I do not have time to cope.

– How to choose – who exactly help – any fund, for example?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– All somehow it happened: I just know perfectly Olga Zhuravskaya, who decided to bring to life the idea of “Galchonka”. I trust this man and this team is one hundred percent, I know that everything to the penny collected will go to help children. Unfortunately, full of scoundrels who cheat in the field of charity, so the question of the reputation of the funds and volunteers here in person is quite acute.

March Ketra:
– In the first place personal acquaintance: friends, including the network, and then trouble occurs, if there is free money, for them there is always use.

When a favorite musician, writer or artist announces kraudfandingovy project I’m involved with joy.

And I always trusted the doctor Lisa, one time I stood on the page of a funny message to those who steal books on the Web – “if the tortured conscience, list a hundred rubles” Just help. ” Now they have a short number does not work, but you can always walk to the center on Pyatnitskaya and bring medicines, for example.
3
About creativity

– What is your work? Trying to change the world? The method of self-expression? Trying to convey something to others?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– You know, this is an advance, which need to work out. You grow up and one day you realize that you’ve got pre-installed in the software’s such an option – to turn the stories that happen to you, or just my feelings and states in poems and songs. This is absolutely not your merit, so you came into this world. And then you have your own choices, what will you do with it – to be a slave of the lamp or try to throw it away and lead a normal, quiet life.

Many talented people choose a profession, not associated with the scene, giving stability, and I understand them. But I myself chose to be a slave of the lamp – because when it burns, I feel completely alive and happy.

March Ketra:
– It is a way to fulfill his destiny. Happiest I feel when I work, the text allows me to be realized in its ideal incarnation – this is the best of all possible i.

– Do you feel the opposite response? And if so, when?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– First, at concerts, and this is the most direct feedback, you can imagine. When in the final hall stands – well, all we’re going on is very happy. Sometimes people write little notes from the audience, read like someone kind of my song helped pass a difficult period in his life, and think: My God, all is not in vain. And besides, there’s my site, there is a facebook: Any question can be asked on my official website, and I will answer.

March Ketra:
– the Internet allows you to get instant feedback, people give a lot of love, attention and support.

– It happens that the product – made by the public, but you understand that it is not clear, is not understood?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– No, in my opinion, this mishap was not yet. The maximum that I have been asked many times: “And what is the aqua-chi-baa-baa” This is me in one of his song quoted the great Tom Jobim, bossa nova its Agua de beber, literally – “water to drink.” And I had to translate it into Russian bossa nova, and then from that we have with my co-author Alexey Ivashchenko grew large beautiful project, and bossa nova festival album with an orchestra.

March Ketra:
– It does not matter, the main thing, I write exactly what I want to say a personal relationship of man and my text – it is his private affair. I stripped chicken desire to control the fate of the books – have a publisher, busy publishing and promotion, there is a criticism, analyzes the text on the nature of their profession, and there are readers who bought the book, that is, expressed to me his interest in the best way. Require them also “correct” reading too.

About family

– What is family for you?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– My rear, my shield, my fortress, my happiness.

March Ketra:
– It is a place of love and peace.

– What you need to not get tired in family life?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Need advice and love. Honestly, it’s a good recipe! Love without the “Board”, that is without understanding – hence, passion-cheeky, whole soul to shreds. And one understanding and respect without love and passion … peace, predictability and melancholy green.

March Ketra:
– How can you get tired of love and peace? Just step into the outside world, to communicate, to work, to run into problems. After that, the house – the most desirable place in the world.

– It is said that his wife – “muse inspirer.” What if my wife and myself – doing? As it inspires – is inspired?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– If I ever reveal the secret of inspiration, be sure to tell everyone. I will write a manual! For example, “12 ways to achieve multiple inspiration and keep it for long.” And yet, alas, I am still his hostage. I told you, a slave of the lamp. Come – will not come when it comes – information from me closed. Sometimes silent, silent and terrified thinking: well, all arrived. And then suddenly, say, the plane close your eyes and suddenly you hear a new tune in your head, you will start to unwind the words … Such happiness.
4

March Ketra:
– It seems strange to link the realization of their creative tasks to someone else. Man “works” – in fact, working – because he wants to do some thing, a book or a tambourine, like my husband. Why did he have this muse, I do not know, he does it for himself out of a deep inner need. If it is not, he is not an artist, that’s all. Then he will have to look muse, agent, whatever.

A painter needs another person to love and joy, as well as all other people.

About children

– How to change the life of a woman having a baby?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Changes completely! Anyway, to me it was. With the first child in front of me stood a very difficult task: to grow it, do not lose yourself – because, of course, about once every side was heard, “you should a sacrifice”, “Now you have to reject everything” – the whole Soviet set of “Just shatter their lives. ” It seems to me to follow this advice – this is a direct path to self-destruction. Because once the child grows up and says, “Well, now, mother, I went,” – and leave, and you will be left with nothing, which is only flattened your sacrifice and torn years.

Yes, the child – it is a totally new life, with new responsibilities, new responsibilities, and has not been canceled. But we must not strangle herself for him – no one from this will not be good. A child needs a mother normal mentality. Therefore, if you have a business or vocation – be it true that you want to do, jump over his head, but did not give up on yourself.

Thank God, the first son of my parents helped, and although the court was 90, we did it together, I did not have to give up any of the work on the radio or on stage. It was hard. But everything turned out.

March Ketra:
– It starts with the fact that it reveals: the most valuable part of her body there are now separate from it, it is impossible to fully control and protect. From this there is an alarm that does not cease until the end of life.

– The most important principles of education?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Love. Respect. Listen and understand. At the same time set boundaries and rules, because it is easier for children if they know where the left-right, top and bottom. Always be on the child side, and even if he is wrong, to criticize it, but his mistake – and to give a chance to improve. There are wonderful books of Yulia Gippenreiter a series of “Dealing with the baby. How? “, And, for me, every new mother must be desktop. You have no idea how they have helped me – by the way, not only with children but also with adults.

March Ketra:
– Never bring up. Do not engaged in education, but simply to live together, to love, care and respect – as is the case with other loved ones who have come into your life as adults.

– What can we learn from her own child?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Surprise. Love. Joy. In general, children – is a gift from God when you are together, and you look at the world through the eyes of a child, you get a lot of joy out of life. Read verses Rupasova Mary – she is now releasing a second book, and this is one of the most amazing of my discoveries in recent years. Because she, like anyone, can turn into a child and a poet with a very big and strong. I think that it lines “Mom home? Mom’s not. Mom went to the Internet. Mom is looking for on the Internet, how are you doing in this world. Coffee drinks, leads the eyes – there in the world is happening? Mom, I’ll tell you! I come into the world! “will be present for the children such as classics, as were the” drop bear for us on the floor. ”

March Ketra:
– trust, love and open expression of feelings.

On old age

– Why it is so strong in the society fear of aging? What is age-related changes – Progress (experience, wisdom)? Regression (physical weakness)? How should a woman to grow old?

Irina Bogushevskaya:
– Look, I think that everything is always afraid to grow old – just, say, the generation of my grandparents never aloud is not voiced. Not until this happened. Maybe their generation, the last war, who saw the death of very young my friends and family, generally a different attitude to life? Maybe it was not so important how you look, with wrinkles or is not as slim as before – it is important that you simply alive today? And your friend or brother was killed and did not live to see this day? I do not know, and it is a pity that to ask them about it is no longer possible.

For any normal person to appreciate their youth as a period of the highest peak form when you’re full of energy and there is still a great future. And, probably, when the future begins to slowly decline, it makes make attempts to somehow come back. And here such beauty industry kaaak jump! “Buy this jar, spread and pomolodeyte”, “wear so this look like in twenty,” “drink here these pills and pay back time” – all this, of course, very active drips on brains, focuses age theme and warms ageism. At the same time in the south of France, Italy or in Tel Aviv, you are sure to find a cloud cheerful pensioners, who are engaged in activities on the quays, and ride bikes in bright sarafan, Gulden companies in cafes and for some reason are not going to a landfill. So, they know some antidote to all this sweet poison advertising.

I was in this sense is also very lucky: I double miracle to stay alive, once in the accident, other times – in the second delivery. And both of these cases completely overturned my sense of time: I have a feeling that I am living like a loan, and I’m happy every day and every year – because it is, in principle, could not be! My mother left when she was fifty – saw his second grandson, not visited my solo concerts in the Kremlin or in the Tchaikovsky, not glad that I finally have a wonderful family … May would now though wrinkled, but alive! And it turns out that old age – it is also a gift. And he gets is not for everyone. My mom’s not got. And I suppose it’s better to be someday. So I’m probably not the right person with whom to talk about is the fear of time.

At the same time all my life I weigh no more than 50kg and watch for so that the table was only healthy foods; we are not sitting on a diet, but do not buy sugary soda, mayonnaise and ketchup factory, all kinds of colored sweet curds and seasoning with glutamate. Every morning I do exercise, but also horse riding and use the services of masseurs and beauticians. But not because I’m afraid to convulsions age, but because I want to feel good in every moment of his life. And because I have a lot of problems – home, family, favorite thing, the same horse, – and all of this it requires strength. I do not know what is “boring”, but I know perfectly well what a “time pressure”, and would like it to be so in the future.

March Ketra:
– He was always strong. Aging disgusting, this gradual loss of opportunities, power and the future, it is difficult to take it easy.

Progress – is always a work of the mind, for this age is not necessary. And age does not guarantee wisdom of old fools in the world lack. So that old age – this regression, material fatigue, inevitable, but no less unpleasant reality. I can not imagine a man who in his right mind would not want to change his decrepit body in the young. With more complex personality, we appreciate their achievements, but the physical weakness greatly affects the process of thinking and character, so that here there is a regression.

Aging woman- should not. Forced to, but not the obligation. And so it has the right to furnish this intimate process as it is convenient. With fears plastic surgery and the young lovers – or calm, positive and humbly. I do not remember the way to age should not worry anyone – everyone has their own old age, that’s about it and not worry. Let it be comfortable, it is the best that can be expected.

Interview Oksana Golovko

LEAVE A REPLY