Self-esteem – good or bad? You are an excellent student, dvoechnitsa or middling? And that is in your blog today?
It is possible to finish school, but the school never ends. And the grading system of everything hammered into us from childhood. We know that Anya looks at C grade, but is preparing for five-plus, that Alain “packaged” in the top four, but with the men behaving like complete dvoechnitsa Alice genius of poetry and terrible plague, and Arina – consummate photographer and bad mom … and we are – a beauty queen or a fat ugly, style icons or full raspustehi rare clever and full of fools … That’s just where are the evaluation criteria in our scale? That allows (or forces) to classify themselves and the people around?
A simple idea that can completely change our world – an objective evaluation does not exist .
Take an ordinary resident of Moscow, thirty blonde, 160cm, 66 kg, \ o, without in \ n, office manager, 40000 white, divorced, 1 child, 1 bedroom apartment.
From the perspective of peers working in the head office of Gazprom – a complete loser, living in poverty. From the perspective of contemporaries from the friendly Tajikistan, for a pittance washing floors in the hallways – a prosperous and secured by the hostess. From the perspective of a large mother – poor thing edinochadnaya. From the point of view of a barren woman – lucky with the child. From the point of view of the Moscow hipster-womanizer – overripe zhiruha. From the point of view of the eastern women’s amateur – lush Goldilocks in the juice. From the perspective of the grandmother with the church – atheist in a skirt and knee-gay kerchief. From the perspective of the grandmother in the provincial poorhouse, that our blonde visits every Saturday, to look after the elderly – a sample of piety. What is the true evaluation of this woman?
Take the example even easier. What’s more – Picasso or a child’s drawing? The answer is obvious … And if the drawing is done in Treblinka, in besieged Leningrad in Hiroshima hospital in Ekaterinburg for a couple of days before the shooting? If the author of the picture your son or granddaughter, grandfather or mother, best friend, go to another country?
No criteria. Each person can pick up the evaluation system, for which he takes the first place or will be in the bottom, among the losers and laggards. And Marilyn Monroe and Vivien Leigh and Sophia Loren at times throwing beloved. Even surrounded by the Miss Universe there are men who are not her lusting – because they prefer women with a different type of shape or color of hair, married or not at all interested ladies. At the same time, even armless, Vera Kotelyanets, legless Rosemary Siggins, bearded like Julia Pastrana, a tiny Stacey Herald or immense Susan Eman woman has the potential to meet the love and give birth to children.
Theoretically, you can compare yourself to is the same – worse than a year ago, I skated, but better earning now draw shapes on the ice, but I weigh five pounds more. Purely practically these achievements, too subjective. You can count the number of fans or exams taken, issued counterfoils books or pair of shoes in the closet. But even the number of cured patients or children born – a subjective value, enough of war or disaster to zero result.
Treat yourself better or worse than others, a poet of genius or incredibly ugly, rare idiot or phenomenal rascal tells us only one sin. Pride. We closed in egoism, we look at the whole world through the prism of painful or swollen cowering “I,” and notice the other only insofar as they are doing or not doing something for us to note or ignore our greatness. We allow ourselves to be lazy and complain, judge others or alive gnaw themselves swagger and boast, or dismiss a well-deserved thanks obeying pride, believing himself unworthy or worthy of greater … God is just, who would argue, but his conception of justice may differ from ours.
Adequate self-esteem begins with humility – not to be confused with self-abasement. I, John Doe, – the most ordinary people. Does not particularly stand out, no worse and no better than the other, something I was luckier than millions of my peers, something less. My contribution – addition my effort, luck and circumstances, they do not make me better or worse than others. My goodness – the addition of my efforts, favorable circumstances and tests of strength. My sins are heavy, but in the world there are millions of far more terrible sinners and nothing sorry. For billions of others I’m just a grain of sand in the sea of humanity, 99.999999% of the inhabitants of the Earth does not think about me and does not know anything, and even close to 90% of the time busy with themselves and their lives. I can not make a difference, even for their parents and children, husband and brother – and for them to become the center of the universe. I do not like it, or lose interest, to make a mistake – small or great, to create incredible miracle to achieve fantastic results – and still remain themselves. I – the humble servant of God and beloved child of God, created in the image and likeness of … I am me.
And the surrounding -. Such as “I” Employed or a generous, sociable or closed, selfish or humane, nice and unpleasant – for me! And attractive or unimportant to someone else. The curves of the legs of your friends seem her beloved husband delightful bend, or he do not care about her feet – more important that night she kneads his heel, and brings in the morning coffee in bed and the coffee is ready to wear her husband in her arms. A lovely habits your child to explore the contents of your own nose or check fortress eardrums neighbors just nice for you to grandmothers, alas.
Relatively adequately assess our importance to loved ones, colleagues, neighbors. If you always say hello and goodbye, invited to birthday parties, barbecues and gatherings, congratulations to all the holidays, if your phone does not stop, e-mail is full of messages, and social networks – unanswered comments – you are important to many people. If your photos or drawings, poems or tales pass each other strangers – most likely you have done something worthwhile. If you strive to meet on the street, treat coffee in a coffee or a cocktail at the bar – you are attractive for a certain circle of men. If you go hiking, museums and caves – too attractive, but in a different way. If you do not go, do not call and do not write – perhaps your appeal to a specific person or group of people is low. You can try to change themselves, to show empathy to think, what would be interested. Or change the circle – perhaps elsewhere appreciate your dignity above.
Adequate self-esteem suggests moderate, modest appetites. You no one should – that’s why you do not need help and ask for it politely. And any help, just a gift, a kind word or a wish to gratefully accept and try to do something in return. You no one should – that’s why you give to others as much as willing to give, and do not expect any thanks in return, other than specified in plain text in ink on paper. Are you comfortable with the fact that your appearance or character, fudge or cleaning, perfume or shoes, knitting and needlework can someone not like it, and do not do this catastrophe. Firstly the people are many, and second the omelet really can burn slightly, and the number of loops – lose. You calmly take its completeness or thinness, red or black hair, moles or freckles – or just quietly doing fitness and a balanced diet, color, or go to the beautician. You really look at things, you can see that in a short skirt, blouse with a neckline and a pair of high heels like a burlesque character – and put on something more modest, or decide that your inner “wow!” Is more important than the opinions of others.
Adequate self-esteem helps to reveal the creativity and remove unjustified expectations – you’re not a genius and not mediocrity, you just learn to express yourself the way you like it. It turns freely and joyfully, for the pleasure to sing, draw, dance – if there is no uniform evaluation scale, you can enjoy and be proud of the result of the process, like a child proud of sandcastles. Coaching throat and lungs, eye and shading steps and stretching, watch the growth of their own and enjoy it. The main thing to remember about modesty, that sketch in a notebook does not make you an artist, but a fairy tale for the baby – a writer. And the worst of your work does not become – school finished!
Separate yourself from your results and achievements, experience and status, property and roles. You are valuable is the fact that you are alive and exist, think and feel, move and grow, nurture the soul. You are created in God’s image and likeness, you deserve love and happiness, respect and acceptance – as well as everyone else in this world. You are no worse and no better than them. You are – and that is enough. Accept yourself without any evaluations, leave of two sad diary – and move on, in real life!