About depression, its symptoms and causes, we write on a regular basis, so wild, uncivilized people who believe if it were not neurotic disorder requiring treatment, and just a whim or caprice, found, fortunately, less and less.
But questions remain: well, I understand that, “Gather, rag ‘in relation to pechalyascheysya friend or depressive himself – is inhumanly cruel and correctly-how?
Let’s let it slip again as it is not necessary, and look at how it is worth acting.
Do not: cheer up, fun, make a smile
We may think that the main problem of the depressed person – it’s his bad mood, and our main illusion – that his sorrow may fly as cloud, if we correct it magically hearth. We believe that sadness was caused by some bad event or gloomy thoughts, and if they are immediately replaced by good, then there is our neighbor, and happiness will come.
To do this, we start to offer the suffering to see a comedy, throw links to funny videos and cartoons, tell jokes, inviting to a fun party.
But it does not help. Attempts to laugh and cheer, we can only cause anger, but it can be a lot, because the cause of depression is often the accumulated anger that can not find a safe way out.
Believe me, glad and rejoice for depressed patients are now just as impossible as a marathon for flu with a temperature under forty.
It is necessary: to recognize the pain of others
The right will not try today to change the mood of a loved one with the “wrong” sad to “correct” a fun and give the space its sadness, sorrow, pain, help them express and feel.
One might ask: what song is now most closely matches your mood? “That’s not the wind tends to branch”, “Black Crow” or “Anhedonia” Yankee Diaghilev? Which picture is now want? And maybe talk about death?
We need to show people that in his sadness you with him, not only in joy. Make it clear that you understand: conventional cemeteries, monasteries and abandoned industrial area is now much nicer to him than cheerful parties, clubs or concerts, so you will not try to pull it out “into the light”.
Do not: Missionaries, catechize, to try to proselytize
Even deeply religious people during depressive episodes may skip religious feeling. “I was standing on the liturgy and I did. Complete indifference, prayer does not go, I’m like a stone “- a typical story of a depression in the Christian. Brothers and sisters in the faith in such moments, sometimes really want to put into the hands of the Gospel pechalyaschemusya or Psalter, get into the temple at the service, to the priest for confession … It is also not necessary to do right now. An acute attack will take place, and then, perhaps, the man himself, on his own free will go to church to worship and be able to perceive it vividly. But now, when it is depressed, it is not worth doing.
It is necessary: to pray for him, letting him know that he is always waiting in the Church
If you are concerned about the status of a loved one, I want to help and support you with the believer, then do not force it to do something godly through the power which it does not have now, and pray about it themselves. Psalms Reading helps with discouragement? Well, read Psalms for the sick. Give a note on his health, put the candle. A person of faith in depression can be brought out of the church is that it is expensive and can support: Communion bread and holy water sanctified oil – as the news of his father’s house, where he was always welcome.
Do not: showdown
“It is I upset you?” “You offended me so sad?” Such questions are born out of children’s narcissistic sense of omnipotence – all in this world, I run. Remember, in Chukovsky “From two to five” – “Now close your eyes and make you all dark!”
No, your loved one can be sad and sad today not because of you and not because you did something wrong. It is his internal process that you can not connected and you are not dependent. And you with your questions today make him continually prove their love to you and give you a lot of heat, without which you anxious. He is now no emotional forces to “bunnies”, “lion” and “Smack”.
The most cruel, of course, is to demand from the depressed spouse confirmation of self-love in the form of rough sex. During the depression, libido decreased, or may completely disappear. You should know that this is not because he no longer loves you not, and probably started a someone on the side, but because he’s sick.
It is necessary: to show patience and compassion
Please try to handle yourself, you are already large. Over time your friend wakes up and will love you back, but right now he needs otpechalitsya, otgorevat and be alone.
Do not: to downplay the severity of the state, to devalue it
“It’s nothing, soon you’ll be fine.” Perhaps in time, suffering from depression would indeed be good, but now it is very painful. And from what you try to distract him from the grief and anguish and assumed a optimistic outlook, it will not be exactly the best. He will not appear immediately in the “Beautiful far”, where he was already happily.
It is necessary: just to be around
Do not: ask boring questions about the state of
Yes, as I have already noted, due to the popular psychological publications, many have learned that depression – is not a sign of ill will, and mental illness. Of course, this is an excellent opportunity to find out all the details from suffering just during an acute attack! “And you have a doctor lechishsya, a psychiatrist or a therapist? And how do they differ from each other? Tablets you drink? What kind? A sports you can do? And to drive a car? ”
Even during biliary colic well porassprashivat patient about symptoms, if you are not a doctor, ask to retell the whole medical literature, where the symptoms described. Or loses consciousness during a heart attack to make you read a lecture in cardiology, that you were not so disturbing. If he is sick it, just have to be a walking medical encyclopedia and produce a detailed report for each.
It must be: treat the person with care
Be the delicacy and sensitivity. Provide assistance when you are asked. Be always ready to pour the man a cup of hot fragrant tea and listen to him, if he wants to – not fumble. Medical inquiries only strengthen in him a feeling that he had some not so sick, and it now is not what he needs.
Do not: Feed
Many of us are used to express your love and care for the food, cooked or purchased as a gift. “Look, honey, I’m baked pies with cabbage, try, how wonderful!” But the appetite is often reduced during the depression. Meals do not want even a home, even as a grandmother. And if he does not eat it, as in the case of sex, not because you are tired of it, or bad cook, but because there is no desire now, they are suppressed. Just leave your pies in range and go.
It is necessary: to help with the housework
But what it is really worth doing, it’s to help with the housework, if you have the desire and ability. House depressive neurotic often turns into the trash, if the attack lasts a week or two. Man can stop washing dishes, cleaning, care for plants and animals. Not because he was lazy, but because they function in depression simply disabled. Grab two bags of garbage in the care.
Do not: provide alcohol
Depression – a time when she was the victim of a record number of times offered a drink. “Reds, and it feels better.” This can not be done in any case! Alcohol – depressant in their action and can only increase feelings of sadness and grief to the unbearable and suicidal thoughts.
It should not interfere with a person to listen to yourself
Depression – is a kind of messenger, even … angel who through anxiety shows where we go from here. Therefore it is very important to listen to all that he came to tell us. Alcohol, abundant food and other our habitual ways to unwind and get away are used to this newsletter do not hear. And listen to it is very important because depression knows something about us. Do not interrupt her when she condescended to your friend and talk with him, it is impolite.
And be with him, just be, in sorrow and in joy.