For any mother as for the baby, mothers access to work and the appearance of a new person in the family – it’s stress. And stress that in the case of an invitation to the family nanny inevitable. But its scale depends on many things, first of all, the age of the child, in which the event takes place, as well as how well the baby was able to prepare for the coming changes in his life. This is what we will talk.
Well, if my mother had the opportunity to part permanently with the child in the first year of his life, smooth finish breastfeeding, spending enough time with them, responding to their needs and emotional states. Such a scenario will form the child basic trust in life and in the world: my mother nearby, but if it goes sometimes, it then must be returned. In such a favorable case the child is formed by so-called secure attachment.
But, unfortunately, not always going as smoothly and safely in life. And in some cases, instead of the secure attachment occurs avoidant type of attachment (such children can hardly respond to the mother’s care and not be particularly happy when it appears, are closed, have distanced themselves) or anxious-ambivalent type of attachment (such children may behave in contradictory, inconsistent for example they ask for my mother’s hands, however, being in her arms, begin to resist and escape, ensuring that they descended from the hands, are disturbing, intrusive). For more information about the types of attachments will be discussed in the next article.
If we are dealing with a reliable type of attachment, it can be expected that the adaptation will be faster and easier. In the case of avoidant and anxious-ambivalent type of attachment of the baby would have to be considerate, careful and show more patience. Furthermore, this situation may be an indication for further work with a psychologist.
Nevertheless, there are basic principles that apply to all children, and general recommendations that could be adopted mothers, facing work and are going to leave the child with a babysitter.
1) The child is important predictability and repeatability. It depends on him a sense of security of being stable. If something goes wrong, like he used to, it was bothering him, it inspires anxiety. The behavior of this will be expressed in the form of moods, difficulty falling asleep, appetite disorders, tantrums.
2) to the appearance of the nurse (or connecting assistance grandmother) everything went as smoothly as possible, my mother needs some time, at least a week, to be together with a nanny and child. First, the nurse simply is nearby, watching and stores. Then the nurse gradually included in all processes, and my mother is nearby, waiting in the wings.
3) It is necessary to say in great detail with the nanny all the points of the agenda, to describe all the habits of the baby. There are no details, it is important to all. With a toy the child is accustomed to sleep, a spoon is, in what order to put on clothes, how to cut the cucumber for him – along or circles … The more habits remain untouched on the adaptation time, the better.
4) Be sure to talk with your child about the upcoming change. About that, what should be my mother go to work, what she was going to do. What’s in this time will do the kid. Who will be with him. Tell us about your feelings, for example: “I would really like to be with you, but I have to go back to work because …”; “Of course I worry, you’ll be here without me, but I hope that all will be well, that we will succeed.” Talk with the child must be of any age, even if it seems that he still does not understand what you’re saying to him. He will understand the main thing – your tone, the emotions that you cast.
5) Tell your child a language he understands, how it will take place the day without a mother. How much mom will return: “After you must lie in the afternoon, eat cottage cheese in the afternoon, take a walk with a babysitter at the playground and come home – I have just come back from work.” And tell us what you are waiting for a pleasant evening together, “We will be with you to sculpt from plasticine, read about Silly Baby Mouse and play bingo.”
6) Well, if the mother will first go for a few hours, then at noon, and in any case will not be delayed for the first time late at work until the child gets used to her absence.
7) Such important rituals like bathing, reading before bed and lying down is not necessary to delegate to the nurse. This should be your time with the baby, full of communication, intimacy and warmth.
8) It is important sequence in the behavior towards the child all adults involved in his upbringing. It is important that mom and dad came to an agreement on all major issues. As for nurses, in most cases the mother manages to convey to her the vision of the situation and expect (or even demand) from her parents fulfillment of the principles of education, nutrition and child care. But grandmothers often their opinion on many issues. And agree with grandmothers – an art. But the grandmother and their participation in the education favorite grandchildren – a topic for another article. And we go back to the nurses.
9) A new nurse may want from the early days to establish itself as an early intervention specialist, hit wonders urgent toilet training, hurry to show their extraordinary talents in cooking wholesome food for your baby. Or something else hit. But now is not the right time for it. It is necessary to explain to ask her not to hurry with the manifestation of their talents. Now the main task – the minimum change, no innovation, maintaining the usual laying of a child’s life.
10) It is important to ensure that in the child’s adaptation to the nurse did not have any additional stress, such as moving, vaccination, introduction of a new food regime change of the day.
11) If there is a wire with a little time in the morning before you leave, that’s fine. Lie together in bed, cuddle. At breakfast. And a little more to stay with your child when he came to the nurse. Start of something to play three. Then the nurse with the baby to see her off and continue to play together or go for a walk.
12) To leave better not secretly, not to try to distract and quietly escape. It could undermine the credibility of, the child will feel cheated to worry, next time try to be even more vigilant, do not let yourself distract, will cling and cry. It is better to calmly explain to the child why and where is my mother.
13) Create your own ritual farewell. For example, having made up before a mirror in the hallway lipstick, chmoknu baby in her palm, and it will be a long time to enjoy your “kiss.” Come up with something of their own – a positive, cheerful.
14) Suppose that a nanny would be some own game or activity that is very fond of the baby, but that only the nurse will deal with it. It will be exclusively its prerogative. For example, paint finger paints. If your child asks you to paint with it, so you can answer, “No, my dear, is a nurse. It will come soon, will it draw. ” Then he will be more willing to wait for her and joyful welcome. And in the moments when the baby especially do not want you to go, the prospect of such favorite activities with a babysitter can be very helpful.
15) If the child is not immediately happy to meet the nurse, does not want to stay with it – this is perfectly normal. But the nurse – a living person, perhaps vulnerable, she can take it at its own expense, may begin to worry that “suddenly the parents think that she can not cope.” Her anxiety and nervousness inevitably be passed to the kid, and we have a snowball effect.
It makes sense to appease the nurse, tell her that you understand that it’s not her. Be sure to give positive feedback on those issues where, in your opinion, it is a good job, do not forget to say, if you’re something really satisfied. This will reduce her anxiety, and positive impact on her mood and the mood of the baby.
16) emotional nanny should not be underestimated. But more importantly the feelings mothers, with whom she goes to work and spend the day away from the baby. If the mother is nervous, anxious, feels guilty, it will not help to broadcast it to the child, and this emotional background is very adversely affect his behavior and mood. The ability to relax, allow yourself to do in your life that you think is right and important for myself and enjoy it, will benefit not only of the mother but also for the whole family.
17) The child needs not only a loving and caring, but also happy, realizing their talents, pleased with himself and his mother lives. Coming home missed, it can sometimes give your child more than tired of the routine of mother-housewife. Quality time spent with your child is more important than quantity. Just be it together with him and for him, are not combining this time with watching TV, checking or reading the tape in facebook, and looking into the eyes of your child, talking to him, listening to him, hug, kiss, read, draw, play, laugh, have fun socializing.
And remember, only happy parents can grow up happy children. Do not forget to take care of themselves, do what brings you joy and pleasure, makes you happy!