With the birth of the child’s family relationships are changing. All its members – and the older and the younger generation – as if growing up, getting older. From the carefree “young people” turn into parents with new responsibilities and great responsibility. From moms and dads – are grandparents. And, as practice shows, during the formation of these new relationships, acceptance of new roles – oh how difficult! This is especially true of modern grandmothers. In particular, if the grandmother herself young and beautiful and grandmother herself does not want to record.
In my family during this period it was quite difficult, and it lasted more than a year after the birth of her daughter. I had to learn a lot to, and grandmothers – to get used to their new “rank”. One of the most difficult moments of this transformation was a new distribution of personal boundaries in relationships of young parents and grandparents, or rather, that me and my mom.
In the first year after giving birth, I had health problems, so I am very glad of any support, but are often embarrassed to ask for it. My mom probably guessed what it needed her help, and very gently offered her.
Gradually, I came to talk and became this aid be taken for granted. And even offended: here, for example, my mother to see me today, not gone. So much so, that some of the responsibilities of a husband, I began to shift their parents, to be more precise, on the mother: asked to take a walk or play with it a child, and for her to be able to do their business the most.
Thus from assistant “at the behest of the heart,” the adviser and friend, mother in my eyes began to turn into a free babysitter. Where you can even make a complaint for lack of care. How, it is “more free time than I have.”
It lasted 9 months. Although, as it turned out later, it was “bells” and to do so: his grandmother during this period from time to time there were fears that I will take away their own lives, to pass on to her child and making contact with her granddaughter instead of joy in a heavy burden.
A serious crisis in our relations occurred later, when my daughter was 10 months old, I was offered to go back to work, but in the best possible conditions – to work remotely from home, part-time. I jumped at the chance, but to get it, it was necessary to organize a family business in a new way. He needed assistants for walks and play with the baby, so that I could spend a few hours a day of their work.
I went to my mother, and then it turned out that she had a slightly different view of the situation. Between us there were several such serious discussions aimed, in essence, to define the boundaries. As a result, I realized the important thing: the child – care is primarily the parents, and not all the other family members, so that the assistance from the must have clear limits. Grandmother their business, their occupation, in the end, his own life, which is not limited to the care of their grandchildren. In the end, her children she was raised and should be able to relax. Parents should themselves organize their lives so that it was a place for children, and for the other cases – and this is entirely their problem.
Surprisingly, but before it was not obvious to me, it seems that since his grandmother more free time, then it should fully spend it on aid to me. And ashamed to admit her then I care not appreciated, because I wanted more. By the way, because there are cases when Granny gives all the power to raise grandchildren, and that no one appreciates, perceiving granted. And when the grandchildren grow up and grow old grandmother, parents who no longer need the free nanny often perceives it as a burden.
You can not complain, “Oh, I’m nobody helps,” complaining that the grandmother spends little time with the child. We need to think how to organize your day itself, its time to do everything, what other support options can be found: from the greater involvement of the husband to attract babysitter. By the way, my husband with a child seat is only good: and the relationship between them is strengthened, friendship is born, and the fear of doing something wrong disappears, and the pope on his experience to understand why mom is hard.
Now I gratefully accept any help, I learned even a little to say thank you. And made a good lesson: It is important to help your children so that they, first of all, appreciate this assistance, secondly, take into account their interests, too, do not dissolve in others, even if it will be the interests of the people closest to, and in- third, teach children to be self-reliant since childhood.