In recent years, the network is walking many texts about why men and women repeatedly get involved in destructive relationships for themselves. In these respects they are suffering, experiencing a lot of pain, but did not approach the desired – a calm and stable relations based on trust and love.
As usual, this is explained by the author of popular articles? They write about female love relationship, rooted in “nedolyublennosti ‘childhood, about a cynical male narcissism, rooted to the same, but with different” baseline task “(usually in the” compulsory baby kit “narcissus includes cold overbearing mother was coming to him child, rejects). They write about trauma generations of the XX century, hindering the present generation to live happily ever after in a good marriage, and even about the dozens of reasons, the main consequence of which usually appears the need to go on a long course of psychotherapy. It is very fashionable to write about the lack of love in childhood as a cause of loneliness or bad relationships in adulthood. But it seems to me, is not the case, or, more precisely, not only in this.
Yes, no one disputes, childhood influences. Yes, few people it was absolutely cloudless. Perhaps, indeed, for many of us is to understand yourself. Perhaps, it is even worth spending more than a couple of hours. But for sure whether the lion’s share of this self-examination is to be spent on the memories of how my mother once forgot to pick you up from kindergarten, and my father and all of 15 years left the family? Or maybe the roots of our problems are not there?
Without claiming to be the truth, I will express their own version of why many of us are experiencing repeated unsuccessful novels. I assume that the man – a creature with a very deep-developed intuition, a kind of worldly flair. Even if occasionally, from time to time he makes a mistake, then get involved in a long-term project in which he does not see the benefit, just will not. And repetitive destructive ways, this secondary gain is always present, although it is not so obvious.
The thing is that a series of devastating novels (or one prolonged) – this is just an attempt to escape from ourselves. But it is not from their own nedolyublennosti and void, as is commonly believed, but from his own creativity.
Let me explain my thoughts. Any person has a huge potential, abilities, inclinations. Remember as a child we were all in some way talented? We invent, create, embodied. But eventually someone buries his talent deep, deep into the ground. This feeling of lack of something important in life as adults itching inside and does not rest, does not feel a sense of fullness of life. This happens for many reasons, but chief among them do not depend on past experience, and are a consequence of the situation in the present.
In essence, then, how well a person realizes his potential, depends mainly on the banal things – the ability to work hard and droplets of luck. And these are things that we can influence the here and now, no matter what we had childhood and how much love we have received or have received less.
When a person as much as possible and maximize talent realizes his abilities in the course of employment favorite business, it is not simply seeking external success. There is something much more important: it is in contact with an authentic, with his deepest self, which is fully incomprehensible ( “the human heart deep”), and this contact gives rise to joy, delight, gratitude and a deep sense of satisfaction from life. As the search for the most complete, honest and open expression of yourself – this is the path of a lifetime, then creativity is infinite, and this fascinating process of calling the person all the new and new heights.
But all this requires enormous human effort, and most importantly – the constancy and perseverance. But our weakness – laziness, fear, lack of confidence in themselves – only hinder this constancy. And we move the business of the life on the back burner.
Love at first sight, it solves all the problems. Love, we get on a silver platter the feeling of fullness and happiness, which is otherwise necessary to achieve a serious creative work (well, at least effort). But the first emotions calm down after a strong love of a new stage of relations, when entering a new relationship, a more relaxed phase, and reality comes into its own.
And if the couple safely transferred to this new stage of relations are stabilized, then very soon on the horizon begins to loom again the need to return to their life problems, the cause of his life and to continue to develop in this direction. Or at least ask ourselves: what I could express myself?
But if love is unhappy and takes away all the power can be as long as you want to postpone the realization of their talents – because there is plausible reason. “I suffer and more about what I can not think.” Even easier after the first love has passed, throw a partner and start from scratch with someone new. And so on without end, until the question arises about the revision is not the most successful behaviors.
There are many examples. The girl has the makings of a good writer, but she wrote a half-life commercials scenarios and suffers from the unfortunate loves. The work is creative, but the template, a sister, and therefore safe. It is terrible to take a risk and try new, terribly failed to survive, and therefore it is better to rush headlong into the relationship. The more they resemble a roller coaster, the less time thinking about unrealized talent.
The man with the director the ability to operate a theater critic, writing reviews in magazines, but did not dare to put his performance. He repeatedly falls in love with women who do not respond to him in return, to a storm of emotions in his personal life to compensate for the frustration that has plagued him in his career.
It often happens that creative people tend to subconsciously complicated confusing relationship because it aggravates the suffering of the sensitivity adjusts to a more subtle wave and thus contributes to creativity, such as writing poetry or prose. Especially because at some point to write poems about the pain and suffering already accustomed, but flat calm state – a very frightening experience.
But it may have is to start writing new poems and draw new subjects? At least try? And love and understanding – if not the other, the self is a good support along the way.