If you make a rating of popular psychological ideas, the thought about a way out of their comfort zone, perhaps, would have entered the top-10. In social networks fully motivating images that call to leave behind the comfort and embark on risky but exciting change. Many believe it.
But let’s take this idea more closely.
Comfort – these are the conditions in which we can exist quite happily. It is not only necessary for the survival of the house, the food supplies, but also leisure, harmonious relations and confidence in the future prospects of professional clarity, enough money and good health.
On the one hand – yes, relaxing comfort. I do not really want to ask yourself questions about the limits of life and death, when you sit in the evening after a pleasant dinner in the circle of close friends and converse peacefully on elegant objects.
Stress and uncertainty require a man of great exertion, which can really give a powerful impetus to the development. It causes trouble throwing all and earn money for the family, treat the family to seek shelter – in the overall fight. Each of these problems solved makes us stronger, because now we know that this can handle. But our strength is not unlimited. And too much discomfort – this is also a brake to development.
Too much discomfort – also brake for development.
The basis of the recommendations go beyond the boundaries of comfort is the idea that if a person lay on the couch and give him everything you need, it is on this couch and will lie forever.
But in reality it is not so. Doing nothing and carelessness seem ideal, but if you live in constant tension. If you have not been on vacation for over a year – then a couple of weeks seem a long-awaited relaxation happiness. But if every three months to take a week off – the relation to the release of a much calmer.
A healthy mind is – it is not a passive mentality. Man quite active by nature. Do not be afraid that if we keep going full, then immediately spilled. It’s not obligatory. So specifically, the principle of pulling yourself outside your comfort ( “because they have”) – it’s hardly useful. This does not mean that we should strive to live in a constant comfort. But it is better to leave it voluntarily and with interest, not under pressure from the idea that prosperity makes us too quiet.
Yes, life can be arranged to make us softer, less assertive. And – yes, in extreme situations (on the war, or when faced with a criminal), it can weaken us. But the war – not the best metaphor and not the best conditions for human development. Development – this is not a feat, it is a natural need. Much more appropriate metaphor is the growth of a living organism.
Try to deprive a young plant or animal comfort. Although there is an animal very sorry, but that’s the truth – an experiment Put a plant on a regular basis and deprive it of comfort. Put on a draft, do not water, they dig roots tear off the leaves hide in the darkness. Do you really think that it will get stronger from this?
Difficulties tempered only those people who were able to see their meaning.
The myth that the storm makes wood strong, just as untenable as the understanding of the benefits of a beating for the development of morality. No, no and no again – on its own discomfort, itself suffering and deprivation do not encourage development. They stimulate adaptive behavior, yes. But sometimes it is quite ugly adaptation options.
Difficulties tempered only those people who were able to see in them the sense and, preferably, they have chosen themselves. Or at least accepted. And taken, not as some kind of whim or fancy the idea ( “we must suffer to become better”) – as well as the need ( “I want a new profession, so be ready as inexperienced student”).
Overcoming boundaries or the pursuit of excellence?
So, make an effort and to demand more from themselves – is, on the whole, healthy emotion, but do not need it from themselves “grind”. If we have some great desire, a dream, or interest in – and so we are not sitting still, and constantly learning, looking for new opportunities to be included in new projects and meet new people. It is not very easy, but we do it voluntarily. But in this way we can meet the trap: if such demands on himself does not come from the depths of the self, and of striving for excellence and perfectionism.
For example, a perfectionist decides to learn something new, because it seems to be genuinely interested in, carried away. But very quickly (and quietly to himself) he has a different goal: to become the best in the group, to achieve something outstanding, to get a certificate, “outdo” others.
If the development of pushing us just such a motive – that though we are involved in new projects, but we can throw all, when we see that the result will be an inevitable compromise. But any real result is! “All or nothing”, – says the perfectionist inner critic. And, alas, often the result is “nothing.”
The man who seeks to develop, driven by natural curiosity, their natural abilities. Perfectionists often drives forward the desire to “reset” the previous life, start with a clean slate – and certainly now the order without a single mistake! But this is – not development, it is an escape.
The man who seeks to develop, driven by natural curiosity, their natural abilities.
Going beyond the comfort zone, we usually get to know new people, trying to find like-minded allies. That’s fine, though new people – it’s always a risk. But if this desire is connected perfectionism, the proximity of this will not work. After all, people seem perfectionist or better than, or worse. Such a person sees others as if in the background “comparison line.” And if they are “better” – a perfectionist feels shame for himself and avoids candor. A perfectionist when it seems that others are “worse” than what their level of development as it below – it is not capable of such associates to learn and to build a relationship, it will interfere with a sense of superiority.
In general, if we have awakened the desire for a new life, it is important to look closely at their grounds. If you are interested in something new or want to do something more useful, or the soul needs to change, or simply a desire to experience something unusual – these aspirations may lead us to new territories, will help realize the talents. But if, honestly looking at what is happening, we understand that the engine of change was the desire for excellence (and often behind it hurt, demanding compensation) – that on this “fuel” we may be able to reach the external success – but not happiness, and not peace of mind.
Overcoming yourself or demonstrative behavior?
Another tendency that can push us on the road seems to be improving (and in fact – on the path of spiritual confusion and frustration) – is the desire to be seen, to impress other people and get them to “like”.
Such a person, as opposed to the perfectionist, does not aspire to be the best – but he wants to please everyone. It is vital to be attractive, original, spectacular. Or had a lot of problems – but problems are very often interesting. He says in a blog about his every sneeze and publishes in instagrame each eaten a pie – and then waiting for what will be the reaction.
Such a person is not necessarily “Dummy” superficial and frivolous. But he probably did not have enough internal support. He feels that he lives only shows itself when viewers. This may be familiar to people – friends, relatives or co-workers, and can be strangers on the Internet. While there is a “husky” and the attention of the public – have the strength and desire to do something, there is a drive. Once viewers have turned away – such a person, and he loses interest in what he did.
As it is connected to the output of your comfort zone? The man, prone to demonstrative behavior, willing to suffer hardship and difficulty – but only if you can put them in the window, according to the principle “on the world, and death is red.”
Demonstrative in itself (as well as the desire for achievement in itself) – not bad. Every healthy person inherent desire to take into account what it looks like in the eyes of other people. We are still social creatures, and it is important for us.
But it is also important to tailor look from the outside – with a look inside. Yes, around waiting for us to spectacular actions. But that tells us our own sense? Do we matched what “likes” will cause the flow?
The desire to show off in public, in part, “treated” deep and close relationship, and partly – the ability to appreciate (and assess) themselves. Usually relying on themselves easily occurs in a child who is respected and notice his parents. If the attention of parents to constantly attract some “show” – is then saved into adulthood. Relying on much better developed in the adoption of an atmosphere of care and kindness. Criticism and ridicule, on the contrary, bring a demonstrative person to despair and only perpetuate dependence on the “audience.”
Completely eradicating demonstrative desire in itself, of course, is not necessary. In moderate doses, these features give the person charisma, virtuosity and ability to persuade others. The main thing – do not go up to posturing.
Thus, the conclusions :
1) By itself, a way out of their comfort zone – not a universal benefit. Much more important is what you have done so voluntarily, knowingly, and at that moment, when you really ready for a change.
2) If the loss of comfort in life was given as a test – only to find their own position and meaning in this situation will provide an opportunity to learn lessons. By itself suffering does not develop – develops his understanding and overcoming.
3) In an effort to get out of your comfort zone, it is useful to ask ourselves: for what I’m doing? If in order to “collect Husky” or “to show everyone that I’m better,” – it’s a trap.
4) And the main thing: the comfort of your comfort zone, do not burn any bridges. Come back “home” to gain strength. We are born not only for the feat, but for joy – and there is no weakness. Quite the contrary.
This is the first material from our new series of articles on how to find his calling. To be continued!