As has long been recognized, like we have in society advise. While not given birth, it is advised to not pulling, or, conversely, waited for a young family to his feet will stand. How to become pregnant – are beginning to advise how to eat, how to dress, how to be treated, what kind of life to lead. She gave birth – and even more tips fray.
With the advent of the child, perhaps, in the life of every woman there is so much advice and criticism that sometimes you start to feel the defendant. Tips people sensitive and concise perceived usually easy, as they are in the light recommendatory form, but when begins a tough criticism of the “immoral and irresponsible mother” is probably nothing more annoying. She gave birth to her husband? Abandoned vaccinations? Wearing baby in a sling? Quenched child? Not yet introduced solid foods? Dressed light hat?
Kuta? Still Breastfeed? Oh, you iskusstveniki? The child sleeps in the same bed with parents? !!! You travel with a baby abroad? – Questions and resentment do not dry out! Every once in a plaintiff’s eyes we act as a monster, and our children – our innocent victim, though, if you think it is quite obvious that this or that decision every time we accept, wanting their child good and having good reason to do something as themselves see fit.
When I was faced with the first serious criticism in the address, I was, of course, though not happy this fact, but not much upset. Every time quietly think to myself, “Do not judge, and you be not judged”, answer something almost indifferently, and go further in life itself. But the most “fun” begins when, in the struggle to save the child from the parents of stupid relatives enter.
My husband and I, it is fair to say, I was fortunate enough to arrange all his relatives except for some minor points where we are no longer themselves doubted the correctness of his decision that his daughter would be better. And then we quietly listened to criticism and find compromises. But, as it turned out, many of our friends drank a full on …
Since the fathers for the most part are at work, and counselors are not usually teach dads how to live, the whole brunt take the young (and not so) mother. Perhaps because of this, almost every woman has serious doubts about the fact that she was a good mother. But the reason for this can serve a couple of accusations from relatives and friends.
So a friend of mine Inna (we will not give out real names), returning from vacation with a year-old child, told me that up to three years, you see, can not go anywhere else. And the reason is that Inna is afraid that her parents would eat if she and her husband somewhere else going to take my daughter, because during the rest she contracted in the Crimea. The question is not in the medical approach to the problem, since the child’s health is normal, and uncompromising regard to loved ones.
One day, in search of a list of the road first aid kit for travelers with children, I have come across on the Internet in a frank persecution on one of the forums, a young mother, which met with a small child on the sea. As it turned out, the baby severe skin problems. On doctor’s advice, his mother decided to try to treat seawater to remove a little aggravation. People on the forum, not even penetrating the situation began to harshly poor girl to write phrases like “What is the need to go to sea? Yes, you just want the beach, to relax quickly. Sit at home and do your duty to the mother! As already tired of these wheelchairs at the resort! “People who are seriously and peacefully discussing various tourist questions, just one after another began to write similar words except for a small number of” peacekeepers. ” And what are the bane of this? What is behind such an attitude?
When in the next article in the perinatal threads meet to mention the post-natal depression, sometimes surprised, that for many reasons it is not obvious. But it has its origins back in the hospital, where, unfortunately, only recently ceased to yell at childbirth, “You like to give birth, a fool?”. Add to this the attitude to women who gave birth, as a person who has been given the child on probation, and in case of what it will take care of “special services”.
But I understand that it can not be the mote in another’s eye without the beam in your own. And when even a little start to look in the mirror, it becomes clear that the causes of these problems in mothers address criticism rooted in me itself. How many times I have been able to remain silent on some vital topic of motherhood, about which I had my clear opinion? How many times, after learning about the pregnancy of one of her friends, I could hardly hold to not tell her your favorite courses for pregnant women? And how often do I have refrained from disputes over the use of epidural anesthesia and cesarean section? … But, probably, someone from one of my advice or opinion on some issue becomes ill.
Of course, it is impossible to be indifferent to everything, no matter what drastic never respond, because sometimes the advice can be really fit. But if you know that he would rather light a new quarrel than benefit, then anything criminal happens, if a friend comes to other courses, will choose not baby food, how you feed your baby, or will give birth in the hospital, which she advise someone else. She and so poor, will have time to have advised …