Today’s children are less and less play in the real, not virtual games, all the less exercise and spend more time at the computer. What happens to a child when his life disappears from the game, says Galia Nigmetzhanova , child psychology, co-founder and co-director of psychological family support center “Contact”.

matrony_pic_05072016_2-281x300Galia, now, in contrast to, for example, from the Soviet period, children, preschoolers quite a bit of playing at home and in the yard, because the focus of their education is on the development of intelligence. Parents take their children to the centers of early development, rather early start to teach them reading and math, a foreign language. Is it correct? How important function in the development of a child carries a game?

It seems to me that the main causes of forgetfulness games are not in the plane of historical era or fashion on the early development of the intellect. I think that the main reason was the inability to transfer the gaming culture in child protection, have ceased to exist as a natural, spontaneous uneven children’s community. We used to see them in the yard, in the courtyard of the school, the children had the time, space and the community to accept children living culture.
After all, many games have a very deep, very deep roots. For generations, the older children are starting to play some games – tag, catch, bouncers, involve younger children, and thus play culture is passed on. Now this structure is not. Adults, of course, are the bearers of this culture of gaming, but when the game comes from an adult, it is not attractive to the child, it is something else. And in the courtyard of the parents of children are now not allowed for perfectly natural reasons: cities expand, fewer people know each other and become simply unsafe.

On parenting sites and forums are constantly discussed topic is the development of a child’s intellectual potential, and in these conversations often slips element of competition: “My child began to read in three years!” “And my four!”. Why is this happening? Why such popularity gained early development of techniques that, in fact, replace the game?

It seems to me that the case in the spread of the comparative approach in the parent environment: become extremely important, as far as I as a parent is competent, if I do well with its function of fatherhood or motherhood. Parents began to give children more time and effort, and perhaps part of why they are asking that we can develop in a child? And it is not necessarily intellectual development, but also art, music. Parents are the best of intentions can drive the child to the family leisure programs for museums, master-classes on applied arts.

How important is the game in terms of social development, the development of their rules and regulations of the world?

Game – it is a very good model for the situation in which reproduce social roles, social relations existing in society today. The younger child who still can not really be included in the social relations, but much to the aims, through this simulated situation can learn many things, buy a lot of competence for social interaction. Namely, the ability to negotiate, to refuse, to insist, to bring their initiative, proving its attractiveness. The game is extremely important for a very long time, in fact, the period when the child can not be included in the context of social relationships to the fullest. All this it is very necessary.

I wonder how the game generates initiative?

The initiative is formed, starting from the moment of entering the game situation. You know how difficult it is for many children, preschoolers just say: “I’ll play with you,” “Let’s I’ll be the one for you!”, “If you do not take me a Jedi Knight, let’s at least I’ll stay dog Jedi Knight ! ‘.

They do not want or shy?

Embarrassed, not confident in their abilities. The other side of the playing – also because children until completely immature in terms of social communications being. They are the first time no hear. And let’s say that the child is accustomed to hear him the first time, that he made a step forward to his desire responded immediately, for example, if it grows in a very adult environment.

In the game before the child is a lot of challenges and questions: “What if I do not want to perform a role?”, “How to respond if I do not like this turn of the game story?”, “If I have any own idea of how to bring it to their peers? “,” How to cope with the feelings that me flooded when I was knocked out of the ball and I had to leave the game? “,” How to cope with the fact that I wanted to be selected in the game bunny or cock-bully, and you did not choose me? And it is the second, the third round of the game, and it’s not me … “There is really a lot difficult for the child.

Game – it is an opportunity to experience failure, feel like a hero, to try on the role of mom or dad, lose situation that hurts me a little, afraid. For example, I do not like to get a haircut – and I can stay a hairdresser. I do not like doctors – can stay doctor.

The game does a lot of different functions. It is a space where the child feels free because the game – it is a human activity, which in principle there can be no result. This procedural activity, where the pleasure comes not from what I have achieved results and how the results evaluated socially, and from the process of interaction of communication, from the residence of some imaginary situation.

Game – it is a unique type of activity. So now as adults are increasingly resorting to the games, in the libraries open a game store, people come there specifically to play. This extraordinary large inner space of freedom that you can survive in a very cultivated form. This is not a situation where I drank a lot of alcohol and became uninhibited dance, no. This highly cultured, worked out by civilization for many years to shape the activities in which I am at the same time can be absolutely free. And this activity both metaphorical, relaxation, communication.

Reminiscent of the drawing or, for example, dancing …

The dance is still the ability to improvise and to subdue the situation currently is achieved by pre-training. To dance, I first have to control your body, feel the rhythm, we need some conditions. The game – a unique way of doing things just because I do not know anything, go – and play.

What games are better for the benefit of the child – individual or group?

It depends on age. Young children play with each other almost can not. They can play side by side, but not together, and this game – a joint appearance, and the content of divided – also useful as children, such as folding cubes, unwittingly may copy the actions of another child, and thus enrich their gaming repertoire. But only when more or less developed speech, when speech comes a clear “I – do not you?”, Then the children can already somehow negotiate about playing together: “Come on, you will cook the porridge!”, “I’m fed!” “I lay out plates!”.

The game develops it, as it is extremely attractive activity, dare I say, not only for children but also for the person in principle, and for children it is attractive also because it is very accessible. The game is very motivating for many things: communication, cooperation, imitation, development of imagination, allows you to internally identify with some character and be this character in an imaginary situation.

In my experience was very vivid example, when we offered the children act out the tale “The Three Little Pigs.” None of the children did not want to be a pig, because they thought the children, stupid pigs, in a simple way, losers. Everyone wanted to be wolves. In what is the role of the wolf? He came, frightened, frightened of the pigs, the wolf blew – house collapsed. Apparently, the current five-year boys lack role in which they can express themselves in this way. Well, well, why are we in a game situation, we can not let them all stay the wolves?

How parents respond if a child plays with enthusiasm in some destructive games, for example, depicts a drunkard or a terrorist?

Children can reflect in the game only that somehow affected them emotionally in their child’s life. The situation there with dad drank, whether news programs that they constantly hear. What is now often the case in the family? Parents have come home, turn on the TV – for them it is the background, and for the child this is real life, which is where something is happening and that it is up to the end can not realize. He should lose her repeatedly in the game to still understand what it is – terrorism, war, all he sees.

On the one hand, for us it is a signal that the environment in which the child lives, but on the other, each child is unique, and different children respond differently to the same event. For example, we read them the same story, and one will be the fate of the child is important, which was taken into the woods and left at the tree, and for another – the opportunity to experience exciting adventures. It should be a great confidence in the fact that children play in, because for us it is a picture of the inner life. We can thus see that their concerns, and something to do with it. The worst way – is to prohibit a child, say, “What kind of stupidity you’re playing” games – Content is always some information for consideration.

And another important thing: do not abruptly interrupt the child when he enthusiastically into something plays, because it’s time to finish. It makes sense to go to him, to ask what he plays, what and when it’s story could end. Of course, this requires some patience.

Is it true that the simpler the toy, the more it stimulates the development of imagination, fantasy child? What toys do you recommend to buy children from 3 to 7 years old – ready or toy materials?

It also depends on the age. Still a young child spoon, cup, doll, similar to the present, rather to cause the desire to play with them. The fact that the child’s imagination reaches its peak between the ages of four and five years. This is the golden age of the imagination, and in this age the child already can from a simple material such as clay, to make and ship, and car, and something else. But until then, most likely, no. Therefore, up to four years to offer the child a better world of real game items.

For older children you can buy toys materials. But you know, sometimes kids are so eager to live the life of a hero, that just any cloth for them can be a veil for Cinderella, who marries a prince, and just any piece of wood can not be a real sword or skewer. Still, nice to have some set of objects, which allows children to identify with the characters.

But what really is absolutely useless for children – it’s catchy, fully programmed toys. Very bad toys that reproduce some sounds: it is something that is very rude and intrusive invades the world of the child, to his imagination.

What do you think about toy vampire, which are fashionable today?

They usually serve only to boast this toy in front of his comrades. I almost did not see examples to the contrary. You know, that such “objects the status” among children. For example, a girl came into the garden and unloads all of his backpack trendy pony horses: and the first, second and fifth. It is highly unlikely that it will venture a game with these horses. No, she will play the usual games: to mum and dad, at the doctor – and horse – is to boast to other children.

Should parents somehow react to this?

Generally speaking, the “status” thing because there are adults in the world: people demonstrate sunglasses, watches, wallets, which reflect their social success. And it’s not a question of banning or not banning children to do the same – instead of prohibitions need to show your child how with all this, you can do more.

I’ll tell you a case from my practice. Girl brings to class a dozen horses ponies, and I turn to her with the request: “But come on, you leave me today, the horse that you are now on the mood of the most lovely.” And for me it is a reason to continue with this girl talk about her mood, not a horse. But as soon as I start to say: “Oh, how nice, how much you have horses” – the girl sadly replied: “You know, I did not even have enough of such, another fifth, I saw them in the store, the parents promised me their buy”. Or begin to envy the other girl, which can be five horses, but the ones that are missing in her collection. It’s actually a conversation about anything.

But it makes no sense to prohibit, we can just give to children behavior patterns, what this can do.

Are there any features of games for boys and girls?

Girls are very sensitive to the themes of fairy tales, they are happy to play them. Especially since five years when comes the time of the first children’s love, girls can easily lose all your experiences in the game. Girls love fairies stay – so they lose the subject of magic, because they are born some distrust to the extent possible in life.

Boys lose themes of courage, heroism, of omnipotence. Previously, they did it with the help of the games in the “war games”, but now, basically, this is a game based on Western comics and cartoons (Batman, Spiderman, etc.). This step is very important in the formation of gender identity.

Many parents today do not send their children to kindergartens. Is it justified?

I think that those parents who are seriously focused on the early intellectual development of the child, may just do it at home, in the family, individually. And here is the unique opportunity to be in the children’s community child receives it in kindergarten. He can not get in the family because of its small families and the lack of close friendly relations with its neighbors. He can not get in the sandbox, where every child is under the personal supervision of mother or nurse.

Kindergarten, in fact, a unique place for game interaction children. I have drawn the attention of parents is that, before you ask the question to teachers, how the child will move in the English language. We know that learning English in a group format on the principle of “two times a week for twenty minutes” (a child longer and will not stand) does not promote the language. Those parents who want a child to speak in English, or have a part-time home to speak English, or invite a governess for the child.

The same thing happens when the kids in the garden laid out cubes Zaitseva. It is completely useless, because every child will still come to an understanding of the dice in a certain individual, the individual pace. A game time will be missed, the child nedoigraet, and already at school age is not fully developed in terms of social and communicative.

It will be ashamed, too touchy, will not be able to withstand losses, will not be able to act constructively. And that is very important – will not be able to constructively abide by the rules.

Constructive cooperation means that sometimes I do not like this or that person, but I interact with him, because I understand that it will benefit our business, our team. The constructive cooperation, in fact, not so much personal likes and dislikes. That is, it is cooperation, joint work, contracts, maintaining the rules. And this is a very important skill, which is achieved in the games. I’m not talking about that in the games laid an important foundation for masculinity, femininity, gender roles. Children are losing the role of her sex, and sometimes they take on the roles of the opposite sex because they are curious, they are trying to understand how it is – to stay in another field.

Not for nothing, and adults who are so eager to play situation, to the mummers to the dressing, for the possibility to stay in some other role. If even adults in this very much to get yourself, the children can only in this situation is something for myself to get. So do not underestimate the role of the game and forget about it.

Sometimes the only thing that can tear the child from the modern gadgets – it’s a game. Children who are “sticky” on electronic games, always ready to break away from them for the sake of playing together with other children. And no matter what else you do not lure. So instilling gaming culture, experience the fun of the game – it is in a sense more and computer addiction prevention.

Interviewed by Anastasia Hramuticheva