In captivity stereotypes

“Female friendship” – a phrase that makes a mockery and sarcasm often than we would like. Most probably the only laugh at the notion of “female friendly staff.” There is even a wonderful metaphoric description of the women’s friendship – turtle floats on water, and on the back of her snake. Turtle thinks: “If I’m going to fold it, it will bite me” and the serpent: “If I bite it, I throw it.” Ostensibly the story best describes the relationship that normally bind the fair sex.

But the notion of “male friendship”, on the contrary, is covered with an aura of generosity, dedication, even heroism. Every girl knows – a “holy of holies”, and therefore, if the husband should be friends, can not disturb him. Of course, if itself is not the enemy. Women are easier. Over the term “girlfriend” can be an indulgent chuckle ( “we know what you’re friends!”), And the women chat with women is considered to be empty, frivolous and unnecessary waste of time at all. Those who at least once heard variations on the theme – “Well, what can you say? Only the bones wash up another! “.

So – there is a female friendship. It is my deep conviction, proven empirically. It is a genuine, durable, real, and most importantly – very necessary. Just needed. The woman is very important to communicate with women, that is, with their own kind. No man-one will not replace the girlfriend (although you probably have heard the statement: “I am with the men to find a common language easier than with my friends, so I have only friends”). Tell a friend that what does not admit to her husband or her mother. This is not necessarily something criminal, perhaps, some little things, their “troubles”. And no one will understand a woman like another woman. For example, it’s nice after a year bezvylazno sitting at home, being tied to the baby, one (!) Go to the store. Yes this is a little way out into the light! Or that light beige shade curtains – this is not the same as cream. Or sometimes go to great perfume shop, only to hear odors and leave …

And, of course, our conversations. No, not empty talk, do not rattle or something of that kind, namely the conversation, talk. Women without them wither. Not discover America, saying that we are more emotional, talkative and impressionable than the stronger sex, and we just needed a splash of emotions and impressions, we need all of this with someone to share. With someone “from the same planet.” A kind of emotional unloading.

Cases of life

I Lifelong very lucky to have friends. I’m in this sense some undeservedly lucky man. Nevertheless, I know that not all of this smoothly – however, as in any relationship between human beings. Apparently, it was a negative experience leads some to choose disdainful tone when speaking of “female friendship”. About the most banal – two friends did not share a man and fell out – do not even want to talk. Personally, I have met far more original stories a la snake and a turtle.

I have a friend a couple of “friends”, whose relations can only be described in one word – competition. This is the basis, the main engine and the holding force of their friendship. They met in college, and then between a struggle under the slogan “and I have not worse.” First, for the evaluation of teachers and sympathy, and then for the young people – who have more fans, then – who was the first to marry, who first give birth, who better to get a job. The most amazing thing is that apparently typical “sherochka with masherochkoy”, do not spill water. But should one break out a little ahead, as the second begins literally to mangle and their communication boils down to mutual injections and derision. Caught in the different companies, our girlfriends always complain about each other, and the question: “Why do you associate” – answer: “I have to be aware that it is happening. And suddenly come in handy someday – if you will be beaten out in people who can and I joined up. ”

Another girl I can not forget. She has the unique ability to “faithfully, sacrificially and faithfully friends to the grave” … only with his superiors. Somehow, miraculously among her close friends get those girls who currently are, or her boss, or very smartly moved up the career ladder. With simple hard worker she is, coincidentally, does not initiate intimacy. At the same time, blinking innocently, she assures all that friendly with Masha just because it is good, beautiful and like no one understands it. And she is happy to sacrifice everything for the sake of Masha, and will not allow anyone to speak of it badly, and always stand up for it and come to the rescue, and they are dearer than relatives … And bosses are regularly changing. So she changed my mind for five bosom friends “for life.”

In short, anything can happen. Again – as in any relationship. But such cases are rather rare. More often than not, our friendship is eroding at a much more banal reason: we do move aside her by the wayside, throws on the mezzanine. It seems like there are hidden there when need be, fetch, and yet focus on the other. This is another most often personal life or – more rarely – work. By virtue of the same emotion women plunge into a relationship with a man with a head, dissolve them, and everything else takes second and third plan. This is natural and understandable. And if these relations turn into a family, for every normal woman orientations are shifted, and it became the center of the family and the meaning of life. And that’s okay too. Abnormally when different. Family, husband, children – the main thing in a woman’s life. But do not go to extremes. Friends are important and necessary, and, throwing them and forget about them, then we risk very much regret.

I know a lot of women in the age that is terrible pity that they do not have girlfriends. They suffer from this. And a young man was a friend, but in time somehow confused: the job has changed, then married, then move, then cottage, garden, business … And now kids have grown up, have her husband and friends fishing on the weekends, and she was alone.

Personal experience

To far to walk, talk the case seven years ago from his life. My close friend, godfather, gave birth to a second daughter. And as her husband worked as a nanny she had, she became bezvylazno sit at home with the child. And before we met quite often. She called me a visit, and I have, unfortunately, personal life was in turmoil, and even time-consuming work, – in general, call did not succeed. And we called up almost every day, and I sincerely believed that his “befriended” a long-running. I talk to her, and interested in all that!

A month passed, and the second, fourth … I called her again, and she gives a rather sharp monologue, the meaning of which is to ensure that behave in friends – limited to telephone, without finding at least a few hours a month to see – not -hristianski. Even familiar to her father confirmed it. Apparently, other arguments have been exhausted. I felt ashamed. Especially because I myself stick to exactly the same point of view. Do not just stick to, and understood by experience that without the “recharge” in the form of face to face meetings every term, even the strongest, often weakened and sometimes even turns into a good friendship relations.

Work on the bugs

Over the friendship, as well as over any relationship, you have to work. Behind it is necessary to take care, keep it, cherish. And in this case it is not only about how to remain silent somewhere, and somewhere to yield. That’s the uniqueness and the relationship: friend can temper something to blurt out, she will laugh and forget, but the husband, for example, may be offended. Caring about friendship is also to maintain its viability. Telephone conversations and meetings. Even when there is no news, just call to find out how things work, everything is healthy, everything was in order – and a friend will realize that she was not alone, that she was near and dear to you, and you’re still on the same wavelength. Now all the problems with free time, but nevertheless, you can try to find at least a few hours a month or two to see.

My personal opinion is that friendship only by phone – is a kind of fiction. Too great a risk that it generally evaporates. And there is no depth in it, such as “the soul inside out,” when you’re not afraid to admit to some nonsense in his weaknesses, to share their fears and secret thoughts, hopes and desires. On the phone the whole will not tell. We’re always find time for important dates, right? From something find ourselves, something will move. Are our friends do not deserve the same?

By the way, about the number of friends. Personally, I do not see anything wrong with that girl has not a bosom friend, but, for example, three. When their ten – this is probably overkill, but three or four – and why not? It is often said, a close friend is to be one, but I think otherwise. If each one, we are too demanding for him, we are waiting for is always a little “super” and often do not forgive any weakness or error. Roll into a boyish, shoulders only friend often burdens all of our expectations, requirements and expectations. “Oh, you, you’re my only friend, how could you ?!”. And if, God forbid, there is a misunderstanding, it is perceived in a hundred times more acute, tragic and often leads to a complete rupture. And when a person has two or three close friends, this happens rarely. Remember, certainly in your life met such wonderful “trinity”, “four” or “five” friends. However, this does not mean that only one friend – it is bad. No, it’s fine. This is good in itself, simply because one has a friend. This is a great value.

And yet, it seems to me, the ability to make friends should be taught from childhood. No wonder that before created so many movies, cartoons and books about friendship. And despite the fact that now more and more “every man for himself”, it is necessary, along with the concept of good and evil lay in the children (and girls including!) Anxious and serious attitude to friendship. To make them understand its importance and value. Educate them the ability to cherish friends, take care of them, something to sacrifice themselves and their own interests, to make concessions. Being a good friend – it’s also a kind of art, so important that it is worth to learn. After all, a man full of happiness need not only beloved near, but also good friends.