Fear begins with fear of evil monsters from children’s fairy tales, lies in wait in the dark for its unpredictability, catches up with bitter weeping in fear of being alone, without a mother.
We grow, change, and fear is also modified, turning into the fear to fail in the exam, not to be taken peers, being rejected, mocked, unloved, abandoned, betrayed, abandoned.
The more life we want, and the more valuable we have, the more fear it could grow into – so there is a fear of being unsuccessful, fear of poverty, loneliness, fear of rejection in their society, devaluation fears, inconsistencies expectations of loved ones or the chief.
causes of fear
Why is he there? Probably, because life does not give us an absolute guarantee, and at any moment can happen something unpleasant or threatening. Because we are mortal, in every moment, rather than starting with 80 years, because we do not know how much we released what awaits us tomorrow.
We walk on the fragile peace, and fear accompanies us, serves us a warning signal. He tries to catch us where we can fail, but can also become an obstacle on the way, stop and do not give to be free, to live something important, to learn something new. New often causes stress, uncertainty and even fear because we do not know what to expect and how we handle it will be enough if we have strength, ability, courage, if we can.
Martin Heidegger, German philosopher of the XX century, said that fear – it is a basic condition of existence. Fear makes clear the world such qualities as brittleness, lack of consistency and conditioning.
Healthy and exaggerated fear
Depending on what makes us fear, it can be divided into healthy and morbid fear. What is the difference?
Healthy, that is a realistic fear is directly linked to a threatening situation and it corresponds in form and size. When you go to the car at high speed, it is only natural to fear an accident, collision, afraid of not cope with the management. If you go late at night on a deserted street, is a healthy fear of robbers. Or if you are not prepared for the exam, you do not fear to pass it will be quite an appropriate situation.
Healthy fear warns of danger, it helps to better perceive some things that are important to our lives. For example, knowledge about the dangers of smoking are not very effective at smokers, but if a person is told that he originated the lungs or heart attack risk of cancer, and the man felt fear, the more likely it is that he quit smoking.
Morbid fear – the fear that prevents a person to exercise that, in general, to him on the shoulder. Morbid fear limits, makes one passive, paralyzed, distorts the perception of reality.
For example, if a person is afraid of the exam, although prepared and know enough, but fear paralyzes him to such an extent that can prevent to go to the exam – this is pathological, ie morbid fear. Is pathological fear of losing consciousness, ride the subway, fly on airplanes and so on. All these fears do not allow a person to live, “forced” him to avoid certain situations, perform protective rituals. Life becomes loaded, some plans are not implemented because of the fear, to the point that a person can do to stop out of the house.
When fear is fixed, occurs again and again in the other cases, leads to a fixed protective reactions, it is referred to as a disease. In this case, fear is often irrational, a man impervious to the arguments (eg, aircraft – the safest form of transport), there is little help to explain why there was fear (once stuffy atmosphere in the underground caused lightheadedness, and then there was the fear of fainting in the subway).
Thus, we can say that healthy fear protects us, and painful – limits, blocks, can give us to realize themselves, to realize that something important and valuable in life.
What are the fears
With regard to what may occur fear? Each of us has its own vulnerabilities, which are updated at bay.
The famous Austrian psychotherapist fears the Alfred Langley grouped in 4 groups, according to his concept of the four fundamental motivations that drive a person:
1) Fear of losing its “can” , leading to a sense of powerlessness. Impotence is contrary to human nature, so it is so hard to survive.
This is also the sense of loss of control, which is backed by the same “not be able to.” Fear of inner fragility, that you can not bear this difficult life. Another fear – before the fragility of the world, whom I trust, but at any moment can happen something bad. And when that happens, there is a fear of a repetition of the situation occurred.
In its very depths there is a sense of loss of support, the soil, which keeps the feeling that I fall into nothingness.
2) Another category of fear – is fear associated with the threat of loss of values : health, relationships, his hobbies, the fear of being isolated and alone.
3) There are fears of oneself , fear of loneliness, fear of a fear of losing respect, to discover in themselves something icky, fear not to live your own life, do not realize themselves not able themselves to rely on, not to protect themselves, do not justify expectations of others.
4) The fourth category of fears associated with the meaning, the future, the context : the fear of the new and unfamiliar, to the uncertainty, doubt if they have this new future, whether it makes sense. Fear that do not have time something important to live, to survive, to realize the value you think is the meaning of life.
Fear of death
One of the strongest fears inherent to man, is the fear of death, fear of Nothingness, which comes with death. II Mechnikov in his work “Biology and Medicine” pointed out that the fear of death – one of the main characteristics that distinguish man from the animals.
For many other fears found the same fear of death. Often people can not even talk about his death, this topic is taboo for them, a terrible, impossible. But since death – is also a part of life, part of the order, the structure inherent in the world, which is a support for the human (we all know that in life there is birth, growth, maturation, and death), this theme should be devoid of fear, about her need to talk and have an idea of death.
Existential philosophy sees the meaning of fear that it leads a person to the question: how can I live with the fact that one day I will die, and that this can happen even today?
If I was to die today, what would it be for me? What is dying for me? What is death for me? These are questions that allow you to touch the topic of death, look at it, listen to yourself inside responds to these questions, what feelings arise, what I’m most afraid of this?
As a rule, there is regret that death will destroy what we have created, that it will not continue what started that has not yet been done, what else are going to do. The question of the death turns us face in life: I live, if I realize fully what I think is important? Unlived, empty life reinforces the fear of death. If life is filled with valuable, important, meaningful, then death is not so terrible, it’s part of the life of the order, which also provides support.
The value of fear
Concluding, we can say that fear makes sense, it points us to the important area of life does not allow us to miss something important for us, he seemed to be saying to us: “Look at your life, where you’re missing something? Where the development of your point? What you must strengthen confidence? What are the views and attitudes to reconsider? “.
Where there is fear, there is growth and development. Fear is present in our lives that we have become more mature, stronger, quieter. Strictly speaking, for fear is always a valuable sense of: “I want to live!”.
Because the feeling of fear is always experienced as a kind of weakness, loss of soil under their feet, destroying the structure that supports us, and the work with fears based on finding support, stability. What we lack in our lives, in themselves, to feel stronger? What conditions need to do to enable us to be more resilient in the current reality?
The less a person can, the more he fears, the uncertainty he felt in the world. Children are usually a lot of fears, because they have very little may not know enough about the world, its structure and the laws. An adult is able to find things that make it stronger and help make up for the deficit of support available.
What can you do for this?
Find the maximum number of towers in the world and in ourselves. What keeps me outside, I rely on in yourself?
Find a space where I feel safe. Where I feel understood by the world, protected?
This makes it possible to feel most emotionally bearing supports my being, the space in which I can be, and to feel a sense of security. The more of these feelings carries a person is, the more confident he goes through life, and the more difficult it fears its grasp.
An essential element of the work with the fears is to deal with stress. Fear is always fraught with stress, which is an alternative to the state of rest and relaxation. It is necessary to try different methods to come to a relaxation of muscle tone and a sense of inner peace (massage, baths, exercise, quiet activities).
Of great importance is the work of breathing. When fear arises, it is inevitably accompanied by a failure in breathing: we is faded and stopped breathing, or breathing becomes very shallow. Accordingly, in the process of working with fears need to pay attention to the fact that the breathing was steady, typhoid, not breast.
See the fear in the face
There are specific methods of work with the fears. One of them is based on the fact that, paradoxically, want that causes fear. This method was developed by Victor Frankl, who used it when working with fears expectations.
With a significant proportion of people willing to humor myself what afraid. By the principle of “better a terrible end than horror without end” people fear to blush in public wishes to yourself, “Well if I have to blush, then I will do it to the max. I blush so that will glow like red lights, my cheeks are rosy glow, I blush every 10 minutes, I will show everyone how to blush! I wish myself of this, I will continue to regularly blush on the people! “.
Other methods of working with fears known to psychologists and psychotherapists, leads a person to engage in position in relation to his fear, to the solution at least once to be able to withstand what the situation is threatening. We are talking about how to look into the face of his fear, to allow him to enter into itself, to sustain him,
Step 1: What would happen if what I fear? What it would really happen?
Step 2: As it would be for me? Why would this be bad?
Step 3: What would I do?
This confrontation with the fear allows to some extent possible to survive the reality, which is perceived as a terrible, and in this, and a grain of healing from fear. Surprisingly, it comes relief, because while still holding something world continues some life, even a very sad and heavy, when it can not do anything and just stay with it, giving it to be. Such immersion into the depths of fear – a dive to the bottom of the abyss, where again there is the ground under our feet.
And if the question is: if I do not bear it, and die? So, that was my life.
Integrating death to life frees us from fear and makes free, life becomes fuller and felt as good in a greater degree. As a consequence, inner peace comes, I suppose, that life can be what it is, and not as what I want to see her. This is the main lesson that we extract: life has a right to be what it is. My task – to meet her in her real manifestation as well as possible and try to live it from itself, from its nature, is staying at any of its manifestations.