The man to whom the mother has a special effect, is very sensitive to the situation, which could put him to choose between you and her mother in law. At least do everything possible on their part to prevent such a formulation of the question. There is a high probability that you will choose not to.
The first thing she did when I showed up at their house – get me slippers from the depths of his vast wardrobe, locked onto the rope. Such greenbacks, with the flowers, the usual slippers. Adding that they – my, and no outsiders dare not wear them. I thought, “What a cute sign, it’s kind of symbolic keys to the house.”
And again: “The other girls did not understand in-law, ill-treat them, hurt, maybe even rude. One of my girlfriend, for example, from time to time fights in-law – pokrichat, pomashut rolling pins, then again to smooth relations. I’m not the same and I will succeed. I’m warning, I will not step on the pet peeves, good will and generous. ”
It is clear that to live separately from her mother in law – a universal recipe for conflict. But if your husband’s mother lives with you, be ready for testing.
Advice to beginners daughter
We’ll have to learn the answer to her mother in law on any problematic issue: “Because I always do.” Be ready to boil kitchen cloth for subsequent use, wash the dishes with soda and head – testimonials – baby soap, because everything else -. “This chemistry”
Convincing in-law that there is no need to get up at dawn and cook for five-liter pot of soup for three adults and one child – it is useless.
The phrase “I’ve lived a life” – hyperbole.
It is necessary to observe the sequence of joint visits. At first she was going somewhere with his son, then you. Violations of the graph better avoid. Be prepared for the fact that she suddenly join your campaign with her husband to ski and have to do all the way halts and inquire about her health. What she wants to go with you to pick mushrooms, and you will have to request for it to run through the forest, to identify each mushroom found it.
Your husband will have to make you both “synchronous” gifts. If he will bring you to Cuba sombrero-law would be offended if you do not get the same. However, if you get too offended. Bouquets for the holidays should be equivalent or better – in her favor.
We’ll have to put up with the aesthetic ideal – often, it is Gzhel. Gzhel on the dishes, gzhel wallpaper, sheets and on the shelves behind the glass.
We’ll have to admit that while it and swaddled, and fed, and raised a lot better, but “the children were healthy.” My friend once found that cute curls her year-old son were at the root sostrizheny in-law ( “he, a girl, is that it”). After 14 years in-law came to their cottage and shorn lilac bush, almost under hemp ( “how are you here all overgrown”).
Praise in-law – a major test
Home Test – copper pipes. If in-law begins to praise you, and even more – comes to you “posekretnichat”, is the most alarming sign. “Be attentive, watch yourself” – you want to sing a brutal voice Tsoi. It can even tell you their secrets, do you sotainnitsey their female adventures in his youth, to share information about the personal life of his son to you. It will admire you and say that it is a woman, her son was waiting for all my life. I understand that for these revelations and liking it involves information about your relationship and, perhaps, concerns. Be careful, my friend, and then you can get caught! You can boil the rags and wash your hair baby soap, but do not let your mother in law in the world. Talking about personal problems (even more so – to complain about her husband) may be a psychologist, a priest, with a random fellow traveler on the train, with your friends, but not with her.
I often say “have to”, because if you live near you – a stranger in her house, and there’s nothing you can do about it – you have to adapt. I would not want to consider unattractive option when the daughter in law simply suppresses the mother of her husband and makes her stay in the house unbearable.
The relations between the two women, mother in law and daughter in law, there is a competition – they love a man. And sometimes it happens that a man chooses a wife a girl who him something (appearance, interests, habits) recalls his own mother. Most often it asserts itself in-law, knowing that he will not return to her womb, and with you is one body. Unconsciously, she feels his wife, and all the other women – concubines. Therefore, there are the most painful relationship with the mother-in-alone (ie a widow or divorced), and the relationship with her mother in law, who has a husband and the other children, especially a daughter can be quite tolerable.
Mother is always
The man to whom the mother has a special effect, is very sensitive to the situation, which could put him to choose between you and her mother in law. At least do everything possible on their part to prevent such a formulation of the question. There is a high probability that you will choose not to. As the ancient Romans said, “Mother is always the same.” This woman knows it longer than you, and it looks safer for him. Try to be perfect in dealing with it, even when it is unbearably difficult. This is necessary not only for the health of your soul, but also to save your reputation before her husband.
Ask her advice on those issues for which you know in advance what will be the answer. Occasionally give her the opportunity to feel its demand, perhaps superior, even minor or illusory. Emphasizes that she taught you something new, and something (special cakes, growing violets, knowledge of literature) – is its know-how, to whom and to learn something impossible.
Try to make presents to her, which she dreams. Experience has shown that a purely “female” gifts are especially appropriate. Cap, gown with dragons or cosmetics preferable to a table lamp or a toaster. After in-law – also a woman, and she just wants to be attractive and it also afraid of old age.
If your test readiness is not handy, do not rush to think that you are lucky and you have a completely different in-law, did not like at all. There are miracles, when the mother-daughter in law gets used to and gradually calms down. The jealousy on her part may occur later in the process of strengthening your marital relationship or after the birth of your child.
By the way, the aforementioned advice to me in the end did not help. There is an important thesis, proved to myself that I give you in the end. Do not over-fond of building relations with her in-laws, they take too much vitality. Let’s just say, this is often ungrateful investment. Spend them on their favorite, to strengthen your family with her husband.
And what with the slippers, little green? When, after the divorce, the husband brought me my things, I suddenly found them there. Worn-out, for a long time I have forgotten slippers. In-law carefully wrapped them in a newspaper.