I think that each of us at least once in his life faced with a man who skillfully forcing their families to renounce their own interests and tiptoed to jump around. And, most likely, some of the readers of such manipulators are in the immediate surroundings. The closer to your arm by association, the harder it is to him to coexist. From the employee-arm to go home and forget about it. In the end, if absolutely “would get”, you can tell him everything in the face and forget about the scandal. You can change jobs at the most extreme case. But what if a manipulator – a member of your family, next of kin, which does not go, do not go, do not get fired?
Immediately I must say that all manipulators believe that life is unfair to them cheated, so they tend to “get to» from others, at every opportunity, playing the victim of injustice of fate and human cruelty. Manipulator receives an incomparable pleasure pomykaya people. Manipulators always consider themselves smarter and smarter all, and believe that they have the full right to dispose of the “narrow-minded” close, the whole raison d’être which is to open-mouthed, listening to paddle and at his first peep throw fulfill his whim. And I must say, it is a good idea to manage, because the handles on the nature good psychologists.
Manipulators not need the money, it needs attention. He wants to be the center of attention, eager to feel and see that he is loved and adored by his word – the immutable law for others. His own “I” – the supreme value to himself and to others. To achieve this, he may have recourse to the most abominable blackmail, for example, to mock suicide. May outweigh the balcony, grasping for knives, some even cut the veins and swallowing pills, but so as to have time to save. Then to lie down with a view to enjoy an innocent victim, and assurances of love on the part of the frightened and tormented conscience relatives. We know autocratic grandmother every time someone walked at odds with her next whim, was playing a heart attack: put to bed and moaning, demanded a “fast”. Other acquaintances, a relative suffering from drinking wine, with each failure to buy a bottle, has opened wide the window and threatened to jump down.
manipulator Policy is blackmail, “do as I want, and I’ll do something for which you will then be very embarrassing.” Manipulator is teetering on the brink every time puts you in a position where your back is already a step would be beyond decency. At the girlfriend-law rolled enormous scandals at each visit family son, with the smashing of crockery, with slamming doors. Finally, the in-law asked her not to come anymore. Now in-law, letting a tear complains all counter-cross that evil in-law would not let her visit: “I can not see the grandchildren!”
Being a puppet in someone’s hands is humiliating, it is a real disaster. Often, the manipulator can deprive others even a little bit of privacy. What about us lonely, unhappy men and women who actually become slaves to their capricious tyrannical mothers, requiring that son or daughter all her life devoted to them, and about their own family and forget to think.
Make recommendations on how to behave with a manipulator, it is difficult, because such people thrive on weak characters close. They will surely find their victims: those who allow meekly pushed around. It is very difficult to have the courage to raise a rebellion against the arm, because he speculates on the most sacred: to love yourself, to filial or parental feelings on your own sense of dignity, on your good name. Few people dare to put in place presumptuous egoist. The exposure causes a bout of aggression in a manipulator, not everyone can withstand this onslaught psychologically. Be prepared to hear a lot of interesting things. But still something you can advise.
First, resist the manipulator should be given immediately. Check this person easily – it is the first time trying to get you to do what he wants. Yielding to him only once, you will fall into dependence from which the harder to get, the longer you have suffered, and were brought in the hope that the insolent one day wake up the conscience. The main rule of communication with arm – not to play by his rules. This is called the divide circuit behavior. I can cite an example from our own, so to speak, practice. The doorbell rang. I opened – is on the verge of a black-haired woman, and spent a voice begins to moan something in the style of “We are refugees from Chechnya, give-post.” It is obvious that she did what is called divorce. To get rid, I gave her a packet of margarine, she takes it and says:
– Do you notice that you recently out of luck?
It goes, then follow the standard text of the evil eye and spoilage. But for this you want me to agree with her, say yes! I have no luck! That is to act according to its pattern of behavior. Instead, I’m realizing that I just want to rob, I say:
– No, I do not notice. I am fine.
You should have seen the face aferistki. I think that in my entire practice is such a response never heard. She does not even have found something to say, because she heard unusual for her ice knocked out of her scheme. Mumbled something vague, cheat get away.
Here in this style should behave with manipulators in the home. Do not connect to their scheme. For example, during a verbal “processing” to ask a question, not related to the topic of conversation. Or make the unexpected – to start making phone calls to get up and close the window, turn around and go to the sink to wash the dishes. From his own experience: my grandmother at the end of life trying to manipulate us threatened a public scandal: “If you do not I think I’ll go on to the landing and shout that I killed.” At first I did not pay attention to these words. But at some point, fairly having got tired of the endless threats to another “go and shout”, I stood up and said: “Come on, pokrichim together.” I myself opened the front door, went with his grandmother to the site. She stood there a little bit, and then returned to the apartment. More we have never heard of it such threats. Do not be afraid and suicide threats – manipulators too fond of himself, to cause serious harm to themselves.
We must pay tribute to the manipulators. They perfectly feel our weaknesses and skillfully pulled over them, like the strings of a puppeteer. A popular means of manipulators – play on your fear of disgrace. Fear look disrespectful daughter, mother loveless, disrespectful daughter in law prevents us to deal with their influence on us. Any fear at all – a great way to manipulate. Therefore, in dealing with the manipulator it is very important to show your inner power. The strong spirit of people manipulators fear like the plague because they do not allow them to ride on their backs and it will knock out the ground from beneath their feet.