It seems that some people just are not able to maintain cleanliness around. On their desktop always – piles of papers and cores from apples in a sink piled a mountain of dirty dishes, clothes scattered on the bedroom … What is behind our inability to get out?
My life my rules
To clean the first time we teach the parents, so life in the mountains indelible linen and pieces of paper can be unconscious protest against the family rules. In his parents’ house was not permissible to move a centimeter door mat, it was impossible to leave clothes on the back of a chair, was not allowed to bring friends. And I’ll do it in another way – I will have a dirty, noisy and fun! Mountain dishes in the sink will remind, yesterday met the company offers a warm and we sat for tea and talk late into the night, and the mountain of books on the bedside table will be an indication that too now, then no one will prevent me reading late into the night.
A protest may be more symbolic than explicit. For example, against this organization of life, where everything is painted and has to go precisely according to plan: to finish school, go to college, then get married, then the child … And the more the other spheres of life are subordinated to parent scenario, the stronger will be the unconscious rebellion. Good girl finishes unloved institution, is looking for the “right man”, trying to have a baby at term. Only her house for some reason looks like it exploded a grenade. The principle of communicating vessels: at least one part of my life will not be controlled by anyone – and certainly I’ll make it “disobedience holiday”!
In this case, the mess in the house – the tip of the iceberg. It can “thank” – he is trying to convey to his “mistress” and “organizer” message: “You have to scatter things, because you’re uncomfortable. Your life – not yours, it is not mastered by you, not yours. And the house, too, as though someone else, it does not want to get out, to direct beauty, make it cozy. Wonder why. “
Our home and its individual parts – in some ways a reflection of ourselves. In many projective tests, the image of the house used to find out the relation of man to himself. Chaos in the house often reflects confusion in the inner world of its owner.
There is a stereotype that a man immediately after the divorce “overgrown dirt” – say, one no longer maintain order in the house, and in general, you can relax. In fact, it happens and with divorced women. The feeling that the old life is in ruins, is a real reflection of the surrounding space.
The effect of chaos produce not only negative changes. Changing jobs, upcoming move, the completion of a long period of life – a time when we are again, “we arrange everything in its place” in life. And our house sensitively reflects these changes. Scattered things, perhaps too soon will find a new place. If the office lady was the consultant for shopping, she will no longer need formal suit, but comfortable clothes in casual style sneakers and tote bag – for sure. Come out to the work of the housewife, on the contrary, we need beautiful shoes, diary and paper folders.
Sometimes the disorder (or, alternatively, order) are located precisely in the same area. The ratio of this is so eloquent that requires no further comment. Scary cluttered apartment and clean desktop with neat Daddy, organizers, stands for pencils. Clean kitchen, to shine otdraenny corridor – and married with a stale bed linens and mountains of clothes, piled on a blanket. The house, like a shed or a repair shop, where perfect order reigns only in the nursery. In which parts of your house, “localized” chaos? What does it mean for you this or that room or area, why they have been abandoned?
“Letter for you!”
Sometimes left out of place things are unconscious message to other family members. Classic example of confusion – the room of a teenager. Apple scraps on the table, dirty socks under the bed, laptop on a pillow. In addition to the banal inability teenagers to self-organization left debris can be a kind of “letter of mom and dad.” Adolescence – a period when the need to revise the rules of the family: the child ceases to be a child, and therefore deserved new rights with new responsibilities. Family often does not keep pace with these changes. Parents do not want to admit that their child has grown – and they are, respectively, the aged. And then … “I do not want to notice that I changed? – Please, then here’s my half-eaten dinner on the table, dirty shoes in the middle of the corridor, a laptop on a pillow. I will make you to reckon with me. ”
At Irvin Yalom in his book “Liar on the couch” is an episode when his wife leaves every day in the dining room leaves a flower arrangement: two lilies, white and saffron-orange, close to each other, and another white stands apart. The husband, looking at the flowers, each time experiencing a strange feeling, but prefers to ignore it. Later it is revealed that she had an affair with a Buddhist monk, a teacher at the Ikebana courses. So it is a mess in the room can be a message of one spouse to another, “You forgot about me,” “You stopped paying attention to me as a woman,” “I am angry,” “I need more space.”
To decrypt the message, you need to look at the situation as a whole – not as a disorganization of a loved one, as well as its attempt to draw attention to something. Those who regularly leave things out of place, where, at what time? It also happens that the house is simply not prostroen boundaries of the territory of each individual – someone from the household (if not all) do not have a corner where he could store his things as he sees fit. It also speaks of the imbalance. In any case, the situation calls for a conversation, and the conversation should not take place in the context of “not cleaned again.”