.Now I am speaking on behalf of his father, who called me and waited for my advice on that end of the tube. He had not slept for eight months and was totally exhausted. He fell asleep at your desk or missed work. He was constantly quarreling with his wife, and they have not had sex for almost five months. “What do I do?” – He begged me.
All my life I have been working as a nanny and a consultant for the parents. And often friends of families with whom I work, asking me for advice. One father on the phone was a friend of my former employer. I asked him a few questions, and knew immediately what the problem is.
He and his wife decided to try the practice of “natural parenting” with his newborn son. That is to say they slept with the baby, fed him as soon as he began to cry, and always wore in a sling. The intentions underlying this philosophy very best – grow sheltered, calm, emotionally healthy children. But the practice of natural parenthood is highly questionable. I am an absolute proponent of going to meet the needs of children – especially in the first two weeks. And I fully support some of the elements of the natural parenting – eg, sleeping in the same room with a newborn (but not in the same bed) and carrying a baby in her arms when it is convenient. But using any practices that come into our lives from social networks or through word of mouth, it is necessary to strike a balance. Like many well-intentioned practice, taken to extremes, it loses all its value.
One of the postulates of natural parenting – breastfeeding on demand. This can lead to generating snacking habits in a child – a little something over and over again throughout the day. It is much harder to teach a child to the regime, when he used to constantly snacking. Also in this daily routine mom is very difficult to find the time for some household chores, and even more so to take the time to herself. I also fear that breastfeeding on demand may limit the role of other relatives. If a child eats so often, he always wants to be with her mother. And then you can not bring to the education of fathers and non-breastfeeding parents. And although it may seem that life has become easier – you do not need to worry about feeding schedule and keep ready a bottle – with such regulations should be available to the mother for the child 24 hours a day. It just can not go on forever. It turns out that when a child is crying to calm down, he immediately gets the breast and not studying other ways to soothe yourself. Night feeding on demand disrupts sleep and parents and children. If parents have taught the child that night – this is not the time for food, and feed the baby when he is hungry (but not every hour) or to keep him quiet, then some children sleep quietly through the night as early as four months. The child becomes more happy and calm, not to mention much more happy and relaxed parents.
Proponents of natural parenthood say mom and baby should sleep together. When the child wants to eat, my mother simply turn to feed him. Even without taking into consideration the problem of security when sharing a dream , the children do not learn to lull themselves to sleep on their own and as it suits them, because they are constantly pressed against the parents. They get used to feel in a dream warmth of their body and their heart, and in the future it will become dependent.
The same applies to the constant wearing of a child in her arms. The child is bad when it is removed from the hand and put to bed one, because he was used to that at all times it is worn. And you can not be alone with your partner, because the child is constantly on the breast.
Natural parenting calls for an immediate response to the crying baby, but better – to prevent him crying. But if parents are constantly pre-empt the crying child, they are deprived of the opportunity to learn to distinguish between different types of crying. The baby is hungry? Gaza? Tired? Dirty? Parents learn to distinguish on hearing the complaints of their child. But the practice of natural parenthood parents flee to the child at the slightest squeak and have no opportunity to learn to recognize their needs.
Children often find themselves lull themselves if they are left to themselves – and this is one of the most important skills that a child can develop at an early age. I know vosmiletok who can not stay the night at a party, so they are used to only sleep in bed mother.
Some people argue that the long and parents around the world anytime, anywhere to keep the children with them. While our Western culture is unlikely to comply with this statement. (These parents generally drive to work, where sit from nine to five?). Parents should be able to concentrate on work, sleep and devote their love and attention to children when they return home.
Most of all in the practice of natural parenting, although it occurs in all these practices, I am concerned co-sleeping, feeding on demand and continuous carrying a baby in her arms. Philosophy, in which children’s needs are always put above the needs of the parents. The best parents – parents who primarily take care of themselves – they have a normal night’s sleep, they can be close to your partner, and they have the opportunity to travel without a child in her arms.
When parents begin to meet every need of their child through their own, it becomes a habit. Jump out of this world order is difficult, even if your Six-Year wants another cup of milk when you have just sat down to dinner, or your ten-year wants to add one more activity into your schedule, and you have to go through the city during rush hour. I’m not saying that parents should be selfish and ignore the needs of their children, I am for balance. Children who grow up and see their mom and dad are people too, they have their own wants and needs, realize that there is nothing wrong if they are given a bit of independence, patience, and self-reliance.