Parents often worry about stray from troechnikov hands, hiring coaches, trying to align the precarious position. Is it worth it to worry if the blog offspring strewn fives, because from time to time in the media there are reports about “coming down from the coils’ standouts? At what point honors life can become so unbearable that the only solution would be to “stop the suffering in any way?”

Education as the purpose and meaning of life

Just a generation ago it was an axiom. If you’ve got the brains, you’re good to learn and go to college, graduated, and get a guaranteed, high-paying job. Moreover, the degree of Candidate of Sciences gave the right to additional living space, a supplementary pension, supplementary leave. That is, no one even to explain it was not necessary, why and what should be good to learn.

And what were the alternatives? In vocational schools, waving a file? The army generals to build cottages? In girls, the prospect of marriage, at least. So we try all those who could. Who would not, and soberly assess their capabilities, leaving after the eighth grade to college and got a working specialty.

Once upon a time there were two girls – bosom friends, do not spill water, parted only at night, there and everywhere, together with the second class. One was from a professor’s family, not just all university graduates and professors of the Moscow State University in the fifth generation. Studied left foot on one five, without making any effort, let herself and twos for work not done their homework, then corrected with the stock … The second – from hereditary military family with many children, a strict upbringing, physical punishment of three, about deuce nobody stuttered . She was given to study hard, work hard, and again. But the girls were friends, they did not care which one of a family.

Adults could see how different their level, it was evident that one – the leader and dragging, and the second all the time “pritsepchikom”. But the most important because the result? As a result, both were top grades, so that everyone was happy. And so everything was fine until the eighth grade. And then Lena, whose learning was difficult, categorically refused to leave after the eighth grade in the normal school, although she advised all who could, teachers, parents, friends. But she could not imagine living away from girlfriends, girls have long since agreed to act on one specialty, and so to go through life together.

In high school, it became clear that the program Lenka barely pulls, especially for exact subjects. Masha something barely cope, but helped her father and older brothers, physics, and Lena began to stay up past midnight. Besides, a fun and slightly mischievous Masha appeared boyfriend, she every acquaintance with Lena, trying to organize the square of the “two for two”, but something slip. Out of all the crushing failure of Lena in the entrance exams. Mandatory for all universities essay Masha wrote on 5/5, famously, for an hour. Lena has stayed allotted six hours and had a couple. It was a stroke of incredible strength. Girls are so believed in his dream “to learn and work together,” that “plan B” just does not come up. At the last second, involving grandfather-General, Lenka dragged by the collar in the off-carriage pedagogical school. But it was not her train. After the first year she took the papers and went nowhere. After 25 years of it there is no information on whether the rumors running cleaner, or nurse. Occupations no never received.

Why “this suit?” That is, what does that old story to the problem of the current standouts burned down, gone into a depression medalists, is lying on the sofa winners of All-Russian competition? The most direct. Most of the stories with which I encounter in his office looks like.

Take over the world

Parents – Muscovites in the first generation, that is called “come in large numbers” in the capital of the province of universities. They remember well rested all limbs as plowing day and night, to the point that the blood was his nose. They have gone through several crises and defaults, broke up and continue vpahivat that there are forces. Higher education – only available to them the social elevator, they are self-made man / woman, behind them there were no influential relatives. His business they built from scratch, literally from the tray at the Luzhniki Stadium, with a kiosk with cigarettes.

Children to them – the main value, meaning and purpose of life at the same time, they are both on the last ace, all delivered. “My child will live like a prince.” So – children’s designer furnished, luxury nursery with supports three languages, the coolest school in the city, a vacation in the UK and Scotland, educational classes for the year. Often the wife / mother leaves the job and devotes herself to the education of children. I personally know of mothers who carry about all day long for the kiddies additional classes: school, music, tennis / Karate / dressage, a foreign language. “We have a week eight additional classes. Eight “- with inexpressible pride in his voice.

Especially hard it is necessary to those children who have found “ability”. They begin to tear apart both teachers and parents. During the “rut” poor fellows go on Olympiad every week.

To me at the reception they get when it begins to fail the body. Undetermined tics eczema that does not respond to any treatment, pulled out his eyebrows and eyelashes, vomiting … All of these symptoms can be translated in one word: “Enough!” They are not allowed to just walk, they do not baldeyut headphones, lounging on the carpet, do not read stupid comics. They learn-learn-learn, eleven years without a break, because the holidays they too have a job. If we calculate the load, it turns out that ten or fifteen people work more adults: from eight in the morning until ten at night. Almost without rest.
For what all this monstrous tension? Do not believe it: for admission to a prestigious university. When I say this, I just jump up on a chair. Why, pray tell, why you admission to the HSE or MGIMO? How to change your life, if the child is there to learn? At this point parents start somehow confused in the testimony. It seems to be a prestigious university is a value in itself. Entered – all vital tasks performed. Or not? Or is it just a stepping stone to “paid work”? Or the door abroad? As practice shows, in itself a strong institution does not define anything. This is absolutely not a guarantee of future cloudless life. Children who do not know how life is nothing but how to solve mathematical problems or to write in a foreign language Olympiad, are completely helpless in the face of reality. And they are tired.


We must prepare children for independent living, it is an axiom of parenting, the basic postulate of the mammalian survival as a species. It ants hatch fully prepared to work, and we have a very long childhood is to learn to live in this world in its entirety. But the skills needed for today’s highly diverse. Do not just “get food”, and “gather food manner acceptable in the society”, which includes the ability to communicate with others, to build relationships, the right to determine their own and others, to know with whom you can be friends, but someone should get on the opposite side Earth. Do not just “find a job”, and “to find a job where my skills will be in demand and paid for in the best way, where I will develop, which I will strive, because it coincides with my inclinations.”

And here at the huge standouts plugging. Few parents of winners is able to observe the child quietly and continuously, to find out his true inclinations and aspirations. Usually this is achieved in an extremely early age, without any regard for the child: one axis – “techie / humanist”, and the second – “quickly grasps / cast iron ass.” All. Selecting small: strong language grammar school (humanities – or MGIMO, Moscow State University, philological faculty / legal) or physics and mathematics lyceum (technician – Tower, Plesca, Moscow State University). Economists are in a list.

What child does not know and does not know the word “very”, so it is understood that what he did. Normal teenage questions “Who am I? What am I? That I love? What I want to do in life? Why am I here? “He simply no one, and no time to ask. They need to reflect on, discuss – with their peers, with adults, with the elderly, many times to see a movie on this subject. (You know how many times we have seen the entire series of “Star Wars”? It is better you do not know. Until the holes on the laser disc. Prior to the state of “I guess this melody with a pause before the first note.” In my opinion, this is the best in the world by becoming a guide soul boy.) spend many hours in front of a mirror, looking at his nose, and every pimple on it, to make sure that the nose uglier not yet created the Creator. To lie for hours anywhere, with open eyes, dreaming and traveling. Hang a lot of hours on the phone discussing the nonsense with a close friend – from the outside it seems a nonsense drug, but it is now more important than anything else. Quarrel with his mother because of the wrong style skirt, the purchase of which spent many hours of Shopping. All this – with only one purpose: to get acquainted with them, unique, surprising, so strange, nowhere and never born before.

And there are very simple things, such as cook their own meals from raw ingredients. Do not reheat in the microwave that the housekeeper had prepared, and take a piece of raw meat and make it a cutlet. Weak, eh? That’s Quest and Challenge … Finding anything without the help of “Google”. That’s just to go out and ask a passer-by: “Can you tell me how to get to the clinic? Where a stop 649 of bus? “Smiling at the same time and thanks. To cope with clogged drains. What? Very up-skill. How to call a plumber? Who is this guy?

But the poor are deprived of our best students of the real, affordable, life materialized. Years is charged with three terabytes of memory in their abstract information, most of which will never be used, ignoring the needs of the body and soul.

I have one such friend Excellent. He lived to adulthood, 35 years old, and still does not know what he likes to do, how he wants to rest, what he wants to achieve in the near future and the long term. Wish there own. Guided by the principle “the Party said,” We must! “- The Komsomol answered” Yes! “.” The deep depression fourteen years, as far as I’m concerned. From time to time breaks down into some sudden and severe illness such as meningitis, then get the legal right to lie there and do nothing. When I ask him, and what, in fact, he himself wants to please than something sad grins and says that the ultimate dream – a single room with no connection. I do not necessarily sea.

You know, how terrible? He depleted to such an extent that it can not even imagine the joy, not to organize it yourself. He missed the stage of life when a child opens his pleasure sources and learn about its resources. He studied because. Plesca, by the way, ended in three waves, constantly broke in sickness. It works in a major online project not connected with their education.

No body can not be in continuous operation. As an athlete muscles need time to rest and growth, so the brain needs time to process the information, and the psyche – the resources for recovery. A resource can be anything: socializing with friends, nature walks, crafts, “getting pointless pleasures”, as written in the manual on the prevention of moral burn-psychotherapists. The key word – “meaningless”. For example, I found that if I do not make at least once in two weeks, the whole day to be alone, I get sick, and it is what will make it impossible to work. Voice sit, for example. Or turn up the leg itself, yeah. With three very active children, the idea of “to be alone” looks utopian. But I have learned to carry out these costs under “Safety”.

Safety Honors

1) Having in mind the schedule of growth phases. No razvivalok-tutorials to school, just dancing, drawing in the amount of the court circle. No more than one additional elective in elementary school (language, or chess, or mathematics, the rest – sports, painting, felting and other aeromodelling). Read the classics: drama club, photo club, soft toy, football. It is important to take up arms. In high school, you can add one more thing, but see to it that was something for the soul and body. And it should not be professional sports or music school. What one thing – or singing, or dancing, says a friend of mine mother of eight children. Sport should be a joy and a pleasure, not one more reason to tighten.

2) Be sure to arrange a “fasting days”: a complete rest from intellectual pursuits, relaxation, filling himself with silence. This can be a trip by car to the nearest small town, visit Panda-park, a day at the pool or on the hill. It is important that you do not even remember the lessons did not take with them the textbooks, get enough sleep to disgust the pillow. And this should be done on a regular basis, two weeks in the summer – are sorely inadequate.

3) Upload your wiseacre stupid homework housework. Amazing things happen with the psyche, when one cleans two kilos of potatoes, cereals or touches, or washing the floor with his hands. Bring some pompous theoretical basis, such as “we are to grow a Zen when carefully laundered tiles in the bathroom.” Clean shoes for the whole family. Embossing carpet in the snow (the forgotten skill, and this is much more useful for everyone, than dry cleaning). I just see how my baby grows morally in the process of washing dishes. Dishwasher is available, but it is difficult to meditate. Scrub the kitchen – plus 500 to karma.

4) The most important thing – to form the habit of inner speech, of reflection and meditation in the truest sense of the word, without mockery. Accustom to ask yourself the question: “What do I feel now? What is happening to me? What I want to – not in terms of things and from the region needs “So little to teach a child math and English at the highest level?. We need to teach him how to deal with each other and the outside world, do it consciously, a good understanding of yourself, take care of yourself.

It sounds corny and bombastic? Yeah, but ask yourself the question is now “What I’m feeling right now?” Well? What happened?

That’s right. This is not taught in school.