Once upon a time when motherhood was my ghost pipe dream, almost a utopia, at least three mutually independent women expressed to me his view on motherhood: “With the birth of the baby’s head (brain / life / world) is rotated by 180 degrees.” On request, to explain in detail how to walk with a rolled neck, raising his eyes to heaven: that you do not understand. While not give birth.
These words sank into my soul, and to the desire to have a son (yes, son, to passers-by looked at us and gasped: “Oh, what a guy”) mingled with curiosity: how I will pass this mandatory reversal of consciousness?
I gave birth to quite late. Since by profession (I am a practicing pediatrician) problems such as colic, “what was wrong with him”, “? The doctor, and it’s dangerous,” – I did not, I did not forget to periodically “test head” not turned right? The first half, everything was as usual, but then … one day, I do not remember when, I do not remember why, but I realized that I was looking in the opposite direction.
How I discovered? In fact, the answer lies in the question: what taught me my child? Shock was the fact that the child is teaching me, and not vice versa.
Do not bring up your children, educate yourself.
What I imagined his son? Ah, yes: a guy! Fit, neat, sociable, confident, generous, sensitive, strong … the list is long.
I see a condescending smile of teachers, psychologists, and simply experienced mothers. Yes, I understand that demand the impossible, sometimes mutually exclusive. But my four-year experience of a single mother of a child (well, do not laugh) is said that the children – this is our mirror. Do not crooked, no. Truthful. Therefore, before demanding, even in dreams, something from your child, it is necessary to have themselves it became a habit.
For example, once you have decided to raise a James Bond, then try to start themselves up at once, without taking a Service “for another ten minutes,” do not leave the dishes in the sink overnight, bring the follow through.
My baby made me look at myself. And always taught the things that I wanted to teach him. Probably, this is the maternity benefit.
Happiness – is when you believe in.
What are the worst fears of the majority of today’s mothers about their children’s future? Doing nothing (with variations), according to (not only alcohol and drug). From myself I would add:. “A good man without a rod”
Why is this happening? Hard to say, it works psychologists say. I’m not a psychologist. But I think the main reason is that the person once did not believe, did not give the charge of optimism. Not just say the words: “Be of good cheer, you will do it.” Instead, always warned: “Done”, “new shirt!”, “Give me, I myself!”, “Do not go in the bushes – there are snakes!”, “It is so dangerous, better to go to the pool!”.
It would seem, why not? For some, maybe nothing. But it all starts with small things. Himself make it easier – to support and inspire optimism difficult. Entrust four-year bring a jar of jam. To build a five-year (as well as myself) equipment for the study of the nearby ravine. Lay sambo section (the latter have not tried yet).
I remembered an episode from the biography of Agatha Christie, or rather, the culmination – its transformation into a well-known writer. All the relatives were amazed, pleasantly excited, worked up suddenly collapsed on her fame. All relatives, except for the loved one – my mother. The latter was neither impressed nor agitated. Her daughter became a famous writer, and publishers are paying her a fortune for a story? So what? Is her Agatha could it be otherwise?
I think that with such a pedagogical approach could not. Yes, make a reservation at once, Mrs. Miller was “effective faith.” It was she who brought the flu daughter notebook and pencils with the words: “What a lie, try to write a story.”
It is said that happiness is when you understand. Probably. I do not know. For me, happiness – is when you believe in. From early childhood, starting with the little things. Believe in what you do best. What you will do it, even if I can not right now. The fact that you can take the first step without the mother’s support. What you will not fall into a puddle and not going to break the cup. The fact that you can read the best in the class. What you can in twelve years she pat dress and sew a skirt. With fifteen years (and forty) you can think of as the established identity. Believe that you deserve much, because you can achieve much.
It’s so easy. It does not require any investment, a prestigious education, it does not even require a lot of time. Just believe. What we despise our children? Because we do not believe in them, and therefore are trying to live a life for them. Why children are sometimes cruel? Because I do not believe in themselves. A person who does not believe in himself, miserable and can not make anyone happy.
The foundation of the adult person – is independent. A self can only be one person to whom one may believe that he can. No matter what. He can.
He taught me my child? Optimism. Because without it, education is meaningless. Of course, to be honest, I have not yet taught. I’m just at the beginning. I’m learning to dare. Believe in yourself and family to me. Otherwise I would never have dared to write this article.
The most effective method of education – the game. And the most effective game – life!
Alas. Because I “book child, not knowing the battles.” I would be easier to read a book or take in a museum. I am reluctant to go out into the world. But life is not in the books. And to know the life, delving into the past, can only partly. And read only in part “best teaching.” Do not argue. I read too many books in my life. Only with the advent of the child came to me awareness: it is necessary to teach life. And play in life. Climb up trees. Navigate in the forest. Throw rocks into a puddle. Build huts. A fire. Half of it I already know how. The other half going to learn. The plans to try some hand-Maid, to visit the archaeological site and … a lot of things. But above all, the most -Start live. Here and now.
My baby taught me how to live the real life
Getting out of the shell
So what I want to see your son? A strong, strong-willed. A main feature of the strong man – the ability to negotiate. To be able to give and to be able to accept. I do not know how it did. I flare up, shout, cry, stomp their feet. Maybe it’s an authoritarian upbringing. It does not matter. We must live for today, especially since I had a chance to “second attempt”. Now I can repeat everything from scratch. I am learning to resolve a conflict in the sandbox, not swinging a shovel. Discovery for me was that for establishing the principles of constructive communication in the adult and children’s team are the same principles: not to be afraid, not to humiliate, interested conversationalist.
The child learns communication skills.
Children listen only to happy parents
To some, these words seem cruel. Someone does not agree. But I think so. Modern pedagogy states that the design can only be the authoritative parenting style (as opposed to authoritarian and relaxation). A miserable man a priori can not be respected.
Being happy does not mean being rich does not mean to make a spectacular career. Happy man takes life and learns to choose from her happy moments. My child taught me to enjoy my home, my work, to my knowledge, warm September day, the support of a loved one.
I learned to find happiness in simple things.
The child learns to trust God
One well-known artist of the question about the reasons for her lack of children said: “So in fact the child – an eternal fear.” It’s true. Every mother worries with this worm, which settles in it since the birth of first child. Someone says that followed children for fear of the animal offspring is reduced. I dont know. I only have one son. And I can tell you one thing: if I was an atheist, then after the appearance of the child would be to believe in God. Because only faith (in the sense of confidence) is able to breathe in this animal fear a spark of reason.
The child teaches me to learn to trust in God. I can not tell “taught.”
Teach me, my child? Everything. True. After all, I had to teach him everything that he later learned from me. Patience, perseverance, humility, courage, sincerity, moderation … just not count. But if I was still asked to identify two main skills that taught me my son, then I would choose to trust God and be happy.