Cara Delevingne might stun us with her wonderful apperance in all of her shows, magazine covers, and movies, but as a human being, she also has hardships she needed to face. During an interview with Alex Bilmes for Esquire UK magazine, she revealed that she had a mental breakdown and was suicidal.

“I couldn’t deal with it any more. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die.” she said. “I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and then it’s a cycle. I didn’t want to exist anymore. I wanted for each molecule of my body to disintegrate. I wanted to die.”

Her depression began at the age of 16. “When all the stuff with my family started to make sense and came to the surface. I’m very good at repressing emotion and seeming fine. As a kid I felt like I had to be good and I had to be strong because my mum wasn’t.” she admitted. “So, when it got to being a teenager and all the hormones and the pressure and wanting to do well at school – for my parents, not for me – I had a mental breakdown.”

“I would run off to the woods and smoke a pack of cigarettes and then I would smash my head so hard into a tree because I just wanted to knock myself out.” she said. She also used to scratch her legs until they bled.

Cara then was taken out of school at the age of 16 and went on medication even though she hate meds until the age of 18. “I think they saved my life and they’ve probably saved my mother’s life but I don’t agree with them. It’s so easy to abuse them.”