“A couple? At the dance? That is, man? A real, live and without cockroaches incompatible with life? Are you kidding? “- He starts yelling at me the first thing my beginning, emotional, female …” Well, you have the look and friends of friends who played tango wedding, give birth to tango children and even happy, “- whispers came to the rescue rational and logical-statistical …
But seriously, I think that women find a pair at the dance is almost impossible, and the happy exceptions only confirm the rule.
Reflecting on the theme of relations in the social dancing, especially the tango, of which I know little more than the other, it is possible to write a scientific work, a deep and interesting. Post it can be to study the historical aspects of dance development, to the eternal Russian gender imbalances (the cause of which – historical accident, in particular the war) and the stereotypical belief that “men do not dance.” It is necessary to add the complexes and fears from childhood and adolescence, here it is – the complexity of the relationship of man and woman, which in tango exposed and bleed, season ugly plants that we receive in the family and projecting their environment, including partners. And people come to dance not only for entertainment but also for other, often joyless reasons.
If you write about all this in detail, you get many hundreds of pages and a disappointing conclusion: we must escape from the relationship in dance. Running, sparkling heels and heels, and never thought to prevent such a possibility. But we are not looking for easy ways! Therefore, we continue to step on the same rake. Or rather, dancing to them.
Before you start your dance on a rake, you still understand a few basic points.
WHY IS DIFFICULT to find a couple dancing
So why dance is hard to find a couple? And what difficulties can trap on this beautiful path?
Firstly, the main problem is that the dancing men much less than women . If your primary task – to meet, not to dance, you have to look for places where men talk – AUTOFORUM, gyms, exhibition models of airplanes, business conferences, congresses financiers, clubs and fans of War craft tanchikov in the end. Not dancing.
Secondly, in the dances often are people with complexes : self-doubt, internal contradictions and other psychological cockroaches. And both women and men. This can not but affect their dance and behavior with the opposite sex. The good news is that in dancing, especially tango, much corrected. Tango – is a discreet psychologist who constantly something quiet (sometimes loudly) is buzzing in your ear. The main thing – do not shy away from this hum, listen to him and to shake their heads. Helps, honestly, check for yourself.
But who, after all, nothing will! Someone will help slow, even ten years … And many of us – women compassionate, caring, compassionate. And here there is a danger. The great danger and illusion. He just looks like a narcissistic egomaniac / immature teenager / loser, maimed evil mother / zakompleksovannym tyrant. And inside is actually – good-good, white and fluffy. With me he will change. I’m perfect, I’m all for it all. I’ll survive. I support him. I will bring him out of depression. I’ll teach him to dance, I will be fighting a friend. I read psychological books, I’ll go through training on women’s beginnings, middles and ends. And he gradually from frozen-krivonozhki frog turn into a rosy and perfect dancing-fellow good.
DO NOT TURN. Do not learn, do not thaw, if he does not want and will not start something to do. So compassion compassion, and head on your shoulders should be. Even dance – where it is not very and need. Shied away from the dancing men not necessary, but regret and help them unnecessarily to the detriment of their interests, too, do not need to. Train feminine, if you really want, but not for his sake, for my own sake.
Thirdly. We have realized that dancing quite a bit of written handsome, confident, gallant with women, and good dancing. Nevertheless, all the men in the dance – like hot cakes. Any, at least some. The reason is simple: they are few. A dance with every man wants. Even the most unprepossessing bad dancing and gentlemen gets pretty novice partner. Yes, they do not dance, but try to not see the shortcomings, come to the dance as a holiday, in their best clothes. And dance with any.
Men see it, understand and relax. And the men (not all of course, but many) are very spoiled . Women account the aims of each heels: with men flirt, flirting, hugging tight, breathy whisper in your ear, they send messages with compliments. Which only tricks are not going girls to rare and good partners often danced with them.
And dances involve close contact. And solid as well. The proximity of many women and their interest dampens the already accustomed to the beauty of Russian men.
So you are ready to link their lives with one of them?
Which could hamper the relations in DANCE PAIR
Suppose that a miracle did happen, and the pair formed. But this is not the end of “adventure”, but only the beginning, because in the relationship between social dancing dancing – lots of sharp reefs that leave large puncture wounds in the beautiful and romantic world called “ah, I circled, circled.”
Any social dance assumes that you are dancing with different people. Even if you are in a relationship with someone, you do not dance with him only, but also with others. People from the outside it may seem like all wild debauchery. Himself dancing – in different ways: someone comfortable with the fact that in the milongas (dance party) your partner embraced a dozen foreign women, and some for each priobnyatuyu ready to create a scandal. We are all different, and the needs and interests, we are also different.
In order to avoid serious conflicts, each partner should try to take the other side. Some people need a lot of dancing and a lot of partners – and there is nothing wrong in this very essence of social dances. Some people do not need much, but it is crucial enough attention to the person. And in general, very few people like it when one of the partners danced tirelessly, while the second (to which, due to gender imbalance, often turns out to be a woman) sitting in the corner and misses. Thus, social dance become another stumbling block in relations, along with the notorious caps on toothpaste and scattered things. Both partners need a lot of wisdom, so that every time to find a balance between their needs and the needs of the other, especially if these needs are very different.
Projection tango problems in the relationship, and vice versa
Joint development of new elements and just dance with each other often give rise to a claim, which express the constant partner , we are not ashamed. Not the one hand, not the one leg, you’re not, you’re not listening to me. Bickering can be endless and gradually migrate into everyday life. Or, conversely, the unresolved problems at home and irritation due nedomytoy plate to throw out a deliberate sarcasm during the dance. If a partner is difficult to find a compromise in life and everyday moments, they also will be hard to dance together. Conversely, if dance is added to the difficulty in living together may also be difficulties and misunderstandings.
He wants to dance every six months, using simple chords, and you dream of becoming a star of the dance floor. It is hard work out a step, and you want to acrobatics and supports. He tends to go to milongas, and you’re on the lessons … and again, again and again – the wisdom, patience, willingness to hear the other half.
A break up
Anything can happen, and it, too. If both continue to dance, they somehow will overlap and be seen quite often. Various reasons and motive of parting can make presence in a dance environment intolerable. I know examples where one arranged hysterics after seeing former partner on the same evening of the dance. When staged such as “Do not go where I will dance” ultimatums and began moaning, “I will not go there, I do not want to see him / her with another.” No matter how sad, need to realize that the dance community is not so much, and completely forget about the past will not work here.
Dance, of course, makes life a couple more emotional, bright, vibrant, flourishing, interesting and multilateral. But dance and provokes crises, conflicts and misunderstandings that will require each of the parties a lot of work on themselves.
So is it possible to find a pair at the dance?
No, if your goal is basic. In my opinion, to look at the dance couple is not necessary and even harmful. On the dance is not for man to come and dance for itself and for the sake of it. And for socializing, for the good mood for a little holiday and for overcoming yourself new experiences, new impressions. No way for a man.
It may seem that a man and to all that will follow. Of course, naturally, not forced. Then, when you did not expect. Good, genuine, with the sweetest heart cockroaches – are dancing, too, of course, occur. And then there will be love, and maybe even a wedding and wonderful kids. But we must remember that this is just wonderful “side effect” of the dance, which happens very rarely.