She quietly playing with plasticine and a doll, completely lost in this occupation, calm and contented. When the interest was, he came up to us and asked his grandmother to draw it the same doll to color. Grandmother with pleasure complied with the request, and it is quietly beginning to paint the dress, shoes, hands … And suddenly cried out loud: “I do not know how to paint!”. “Quietly” – he tried to comfort her grandmother, but after a few moments she began Scribbles on the image and the whole sheet of paper, to cry, started shouting: “I do not know, I can not, I can not.”
We were amazed. Grandmother tried to calm her down, but each word only added fuel to the fire. Girl has scattered paint crumpled paper, shouted at her grandmother that she does not have to never draw anything, ran into the room, something sobbed several times and slammed the door shut in the dark. We could not understand what was happening, my grandmother still angry, even, perhaps, was offended – it was not clear, it is almost impossible that her three year old granddaughter behaves. But we did not touch her, waiting to see what will happen next. Ten minutes later my daughter came into the room with a smile and offered some new game – a cute grandmother and granddaughter brought up.
In her life, such a case is not the first and not the last, as well as in the lives of children around the world. People are surprised that, in the Internet criticize and condemn today’s parents, on the other hand – the parents ask for help. I also began to worry about what’s going on with my children who are under 4 years old, and to find an answer to the question “why is this happening” in the sea found a possible explanation for the only one I proposed and simple solution to the problem.
It is well known that stress and unhealthy excitability in children increased significantly in the last two decades. According to researcher Maggie Dent, a supporter of a quiet and peaceful parenting, which is to “save the children from the chaotic world” (so-called, and one of her books), the biggest threat to the development of a child’s brain (if the baby is not thrown, not subjected to violence and cruelty) – it is a constant rush in his entourage, excessive stimulation technologies, filled the consumer world in which we live.
They adversely affect the formation of cognitive maps, the formation of perception, belief and acceptance that are the basis of children’s interpretation of the world, and emotional fuse that accompany childhood experiences, ie, on the development of self-regulation models. Children are very sensitive to everything that surrounds them: elevated levels of stress hormones and adrenaline makes children insecure, vulnerable, they hate what they fear or worry, and they start to behave according to their own sensations: easily excited, can be intrusive or stubborn, aggressive, quickly “explode.”
Author Maggie Dent says that in this situation we are not talking about bad parents or bad kids. The problem is that the children themselves can not cope with their experiences or feelings, and aggravate the situation, and some family habits:
lack of sleep,
Child spends too much time in front of TV, computer and other screens, ie, receives from the negative charge of the screen,
anxious or very nervous parents,
child entry into the formal school system at a very early age, and too much information that a child should learn,
unrealistic and inappropriate expectations of children’s progress,
childhood, filled with too many responsibilities,
lack of movement,
a little time spent in nature,
chaotic environment at home, lack of structure and mode,
lack of adequate emotional and physical care of children,
too much information about parenting, leading to uncertainty and loss of orientation of the parents,
the stress associated with the money problems in the family.
Where is the exit?
In order for the brain child lined routes that help to manage emotions and rational thought in a stressful situation, the time to calm down, it is necessary to respond appropriately to children.
First of all, it is necessary, while the children are small, “slow down” our adult lives – because a system that will regulate stress throughout their life, is still in its infancy. And we are obliged to contribute to the development of substances that help us feel good, as opposed to those that cause the feeling of stress.
For myself, I decided that I could do, such as the following:
Once and for all determine the time to enjoy the “slow day.” For example, the output we will not get out of pajamas, we did not turn on the computer or TV or any electronic device, will be a long time to sit at the breakfast table, we will not remove the toys, I’m not going to rush home and immediately put things in order. Allow yourself and your child is lazy to dream, to take a nap and just lie on the couch.
We begin to breathe deeply.
For myself, I find in the house “quiet corner”, for example, a chair by a window or next to the aquarium, and because I need time to tune in a peaceful way.
I will only speak quietly – quietly and tell the children that they can stay in their room, calm down a little and come to us when the storm of feelings subside. And I will not rush them, give them time to calm down.
We, as often as possible will go out, because the power of nature can fix almost anything, and it works its magic at all. I will play with the children, it is best in nature – as little toys, as many branches, stones and mud.
Let’s safely enjoy caressing our puppy, because this action preserves the healthy tone of the vagus nerve.
I will razdobudu hammock or rocking chair, because the rocking and swaying naturally soothe.
I will try to find the touch that would be nice child – head massage, foot massage, stroking the back, hugs, gentle movement of the finger on the palm of a child – and will as often as possible to use the movement. I think of the power of the warm embrace without words.
Family habits will change as stress reduction. It is important to help their children develop important skills. And as a model of behavior for their child create us, we can already begin to breathe deeply, walk slowly, hugging warmer