Now I have three children, I am very much to do during the day, and at the same time the mood quite often peaceful, quiet and joyful. I enjoy the simple things and – from walks, fragrant tea, a successful cake and funny things that kids tell. Now my motherhood is not without worries completely, but it brings a lot of happiness, there is the opportunity to relax, to do something for yourself. But at the very beginning of my way, everything was different. Then, for me, motherhood was hard work.
When I was born favorite and long-awaited child (and even pregnancy was a difficult, there were many worries and experiences), I wanted to do everything for him. I was scared at least somewhat restrain him, even something he nedodat. From his crying, I immediately started to panic and think, what is it that is wrong. I was looking for the best ways to care for babies, the most advanced methods of education.
Worst of all was to cause some sort of psychological trauma: nedolyubili, nedonosit arms, underfeeding. It seemed to me that all of this will be fatal and irreparable. Even in his mind was not thinking about what I want as I myself, what my needs, desires, how can I take care of myself. I thought then that it – selfishness, and my mission was to sacrifice everything for the sake of the child: their time, energy, dreams, appearance and health.
This view of motherhood very well went to the Orthodox (in my understanding of what was then) world: to deny ourselves, to live for others, to forget about themselves. And my mother, who said that “happy mom – happy child and” seemed to me selfish, unwilling to sacrifice something for the sake of others.
“Love should be others, not yourself!” – With a certain share of downright hatred, I thought then. I also condemn those who have not cared for the children alone, and drew from mates or early gave the child to the kindergarten.
And all this would go on and on, if I had more than the forces of nature, stamina and health. I woke up after the appearance of our third child – and was surprised to find in his symptoms preddiabetnogo state and 35 kg of excess weight. And it is no coincidence: I had no time to think about yourself, and the only joy and pleasure that I could allow myself to permit them to have sweets in the evening, when all the children are asleep. This is inexpensive and available at any post, and give the illusion of power lifting. In addition, it became difficult to get up in the morning out of bed, do the usual chores.
Increasingly used to be covered state of apathy, do not want to do, I am not pleased with anything. The reflection in the mirror, too depressed – instead of a young 26-year-old girl I saw weary aunt. I could not even imagine that others live differently – to travel, with good things, with joy and zest for life.
Having decided to give everything to others, I have not left myself, and as a result has become and give nothing. If you empty the water to the bottom of the source, it will have nothing to drink thirsty. It was once at the bottom, I began to see clearly and to repent for all the condemnation that experienced earlier against those who took time not only to families and children, and himself personally.
I began to think about how it happened that I launched himself and drove to a dead end. Despite the fact that her husband help than he could, I did not notice many of their needs. And even when I happened rest, I could not relax and just suffered from various unpleasant thoughts and states.
At some point, I decided to change my life and start a non-sweet. But major internal changes. I began to search for sources of joy in something else besides candy and endless soul-searching and find the cause of my trouble. Then I did not have a wise man, who would have supported and guided me.
The most interesting was the thawing of emotions. Once I actually ceased to feel the love and most of the time was equally depressed. I was ashamed to admit it to anyone, and I immediately was ready to hear that we are to blame for this my condition is not thought give birth, but no longer cope. It is very sad and ashamed to say that you and drain your tire as beloved children.
And so, after long and persistent search, I finally found for himself the things that helped me start to live very differently. Without remorse, sadness, constant worry and overwork. To tell them all, you need a very long time, but now I will share some of them.
– Do not spend too much time searching for the causes of their problems. Try to make some new, very simple actions. They will help you find the right answer faster than thought alone watch.
– Decide on the most crucial point on which to build your entire day change the name at this point can still improve global. All of us think that, if I have more helpers, money, effort, time, everything would work out, as well, and try not worth it. But do not underestimate the hidden resources that you already have.
– Make a list of things that you enjoy doing. If you long to forget about yourself, it can be very strange and weird, and in some ways is even embarrassing to admit to herself. But they can help you reach a new level of life and begin to feel the joy.
– Make sure every day is something simple, but something that inspires you, which is nice. This can be freshly brewed tea in the morning is one of the brand that you like, or buy a new beautiful cup, or hairstyle, or delicious smelling lip balm …
– Take engaged in “teaspoons”, which is very much like young mothers, when I tell about it. If you see in front of you, for example, the mountain of dishes, and immediately falls mood of what is necessary to do so much, tell yourself – now I’ll wash only a couple of teaspoons. It is not difficult, they are small and usually almost pure. In the process, likely to want to wash more and cup and plate. The next approach – a little more.
– If you are tired, sit down and just take a break. Do not wait, when it will fall to the ground. Let it be 5 minutes, and let the matter will be thrown at the half.
After I began to apply these principles to help keep yourself, my life began to change gradually. I’m already used to lshim optimistic about the future, I began to rejoice over the children, communicating with them, domestic duties. There were power and self-realization, life began to seem interesting, gradually decided all the problems of health, I became much more energetically and began to feel the love.
This is only the most simple and basic things to get you started. Be aware of yourself and your children will be happy!