Ten years ago, when my son was born, I knew that I will bring him a feminist. Then I did not dare to call it all so short, because I myself did not consider myself a feminist. You know, as they say usually: “I am not a feminist, but …” That is because of these “buts”, which became more and more around, I grew up in the person who I am now.
With his son, I decided immediately: we will not have any “you’re a man,” or “she’s a girl.” You help people, because you are strong, intelligent and noble. And because you want to please. You have the right to express their emotions and cry as well. Then I did not know that the boy I got quite neplaksivy. There are no women’s and men’s work – it is all the work of the maintenance of himself and his house.
For the first time the results of training I ran four years’ sons. He said that in the garden there was a circle of chess, he is very like him, and Violetta (fifteen kilos of gold curls, ryushechek, blue eyes, bow lips and pink patent leather shoes) – too much. She had won the last three times! And she had it only two.
I drove the car, listening absent-mindedly and also vaguely assented: “Well done! It’s very generous of you – to succumb to a friend and let her win. ” Sasha strapped to the chair back, terribly surprised: “I did not give it. Why did you think that yielded “Then I realized that I stepped on a very fragile soil, and, not finding how to get out, buried himself entirely?:” Well … Because she’s a girl .. “” Mom, – I said didactically raised my hands young feminist – the girls are the same smart as boys! And some, like Violetta, much smarter than many boys. ”
That event made me much more carefully monitor their own speech. And learn to see how a lot of prejudice around. Literally since the birth of the baby! The son was born very skinny, with huge eyes and skinny palms so that they were afraid to look. About him around saying that he “muzhiiiik”, “real man” and “see what his smart look.” This is from the first day.
My daughter was born a cross between a Shar Pei and rather plump Tajik life. When she slept on one cheek and the other hung on the nose. She had such big feet, she immediately broke off their socks son, in which he was drowning in four months. The first three days of his life, my daughter spent trying to open my eyes – it prevented holding up the bottom of the cheek. But it is, of course, was the “beauty”, “absolute Vivien Leigh”, “sweet girl” and sometimes – “Björk”. The latter – apparently because of the cheeks that made her eyes look like a section of Asian.
With my daughter I was harder than his son. I was flooded with hormones that are whispered to me: “Princess! Feechka! ! Beauty “If two year old son was pushing someone on the playground, I felt shame wild boy – and hit someone! If the same is done, my two year old daughter, it seemed to me touching: this tiny, so delicate, so if composed of some marshmallows and esters – and push – the charm and not a girl!
It is clear that I reacted the same way and with his son, and a daughter: explained, forbade, taught how to act rather than to fight. However, the fact remains that in my subconscious, boys and girls did not have equal rights. And my mind it does not like.
Therefore, I teach and son and daughter – someone else’s bodily integrity, for example. Grabbing the garden and extraneous to kiss a girl – it’s not “the charm, he in love with her!” And “ask permission first if she wants you to touch her.” Boys, too, can not be missed. Or, for example, I never insisted that his son follow me “courted” as caring men to women. Not trained hussar chivalry. If I asked him to bear bags, it is only because I really had a hard time and needed help. And not because he is “the man” and “must.” I heard mnogazhdy reviews of weak modern men or teenagers who never place will not yield and will not help the old lady. And so my mother begin to train future polutorogodovalyh men to “help the woman.” Although even in this age, the child feels as artificial and unfair situation.
So we had this: while it was small, I struggled showed that adults and strong – take care of the small and weak. I also often help the woman with a stroller on the street gives way to a pregnant and an old – and again translates son that doing this is not because “men obmelchali and you have me instead,” and because I am young and strong and I can help. For a long time it seemed that it all goes nowhere, that we grow selfish spoiled monster, think only about their own comfort. And then we went to the first shoots – and so incredible that I still can not believe the transformation.
For example, when I had a daughter, I immediately fell ill nearly a month. And the husband the same month worked fourteen hours a day – it was a difficult project. At night he was with her daughter, and in the afternoon we were left together with the seven-year son, who went to the pharmacy for medicine and me to the grocery store, cooking dinner, as he could: pasta, eggs, porridge, sometimes sausage. He wore newborn sister in her arms, until I went into the shower – it did not agree to be alone. Sometimes he would come just pat me on the head or bring already brushed and parsed into segments Mandarin. And this is the boy who hates any tenderness and kicks when his attempt at least a hug!
The next bell was in his eight years, when he in the store suddenly said that he can not buy Lego – he has seen enough and knew that could easily live without it, “and here you are without a new dress, I do not know how survive. ” Although the house no one ever had a conversation about what we need to choose between Lego dresses for him and for me.
I tried to raise their children as much as possible vnegenderno – just good people, having in mind that some of the qualities inherent in exclusively male and some female. You agree that each of us, regardless of sex, it would be good to be strong, brave, empathetic, intelligent, educated, responsible, generous and able to frankly discuss the problems. As a result of all this, I suddenly turned out not sissy and not whiny Sissy, which scare mothers, no parent raising “real men” and a huge broad-shouldered teenager who likes to pick up at me – and others – heavy things, because he can do it.
He comes to fix my computer, and when I again lose the keys to his car and moving around the house in their quest, he hands me a glass of water and asked to sit quietly until he finds them: “I know you’re so nervous when that -So you lose that completely lose the ability to think and remember where you are their deeds. ” More is a boy who buys on their own earned pocket money to treat all the friends: “I thought it was very sweet to eat – it’s the short-term pleasure, and if I’ll buy another, we both have fun.” My subconscious mind thinks, “Yuuu-huuuu !!! Yes it grows a real man, “My mind corrects:” It is growing a good person. ”
It was only with my daughter, my conscious and subconscious think the same way: it’s pink, air, blue-eyed and almost transparent cloud creature with hair to the waist – really feechka princess and a real beauty. “Grow out of it God knows what” – confirms son.