iam the mother the boy. In addition to native I have two godfathers son.
Boys love very much. I have with them is much more interesting than the girls (I admit that as long as the baby girl). But there is one problem: from a boy to grow a man. Not according to gender, but in essence. I really want to be in 20 years I have stood next to his adult son and bubbled with pride. And to him it was calm. The challenge is interesting, but a complicated and in today’s realities is often impossible.
Many of my peers complain, they say, in our generation almost no real men – very often infantile, for their actions are not responsible, the responsibility for what take do not want. And only one-in-law raised? We are now mopped! But I have a feeling that the wives of our sons to present to us no less claims. And even more.
I must say: I do not know how to. Every day I stuffed impressive size lump, get up on the same rake, which is dotted path of “educating men.” My mistakes do not count. But I keep trying. And the text that was born out of a desire to share their thoughts and experiences, born in the course of numerous “attempts”.
It is not necessary to take care of too
The first mistake, which I caught myself – overprotection. “Do not run!”, “Do not go there!”, “Where so high ?!” “You’ll fall!”, “Hit!”. But, by and large, the boy must run, jump, climb high and not to fall, getting bruises and abrasions. So it was from time immemorial. This is the essence of their men, they develop, become stronger, strong and agile. And we often (I’m sure) Keeping muslin ladies who humbly molded mud pies in the sandbox.
By the way, once with me in this same sandbox dad turned to her son. His five-year boy got up such somersaults on a hill that I have heart-stopping. The pope looked at it calmly and coolly. Then, apparently, he saw the horror in my eyes and said: “It’s okay. This kid. The more we patronize them, the more they deteriorate. ” And I just recently weaned himself standing near the hill-ladder, which climbs a son, and keep your hands ready to catch. It turned out that he was no longer a baby, it is sufficiently strong instinct of self-preservation, and it copes with swings, roundabouts, slides of varying difficulty, and other exercise equipment. This discovery caught up with me when I learned to sit still on the bench during the walk, not run after him, constantly groaning: “Gently,” “Caution”, “You sweat and sick!”.
I also remember how, after months of training hockey son came up with their entertainment: with the strength to build on a ledge and driving away, crashing into another. His delight at the same time it was not words to describe! A nightmare, huh? So I stood there, clenching his teeth, strained smile and repeated to himself: “It is in defense, he did not hurt his helmet, he did not hurt his armor, elbow pads and brushes.” And it’s true – it does not hurt (well, not a masochist, he, after all). But how hard to learn to understand and accept the boy’s “pranks”, which, of course, had quite different than they were with me, girl, in my 6 years.
A live where?
Another thing makes me sad. Every evening, I watch as the boys in our yard 10-16 years sitting on the bench, buried in smartphones. Only five people are riding in football, and that those who are younger. Probably, when the son is sitting quietly on the bench, it is convenient and easy, but is it right? And when the fight, bullies, to sort things out? When learning to defend their opinions and gain credibility, and develop physically, not to spoil your eyes and raise a hump on its back?
Modern boys do not play hide and seek and cops and robbers and very little play outdoor games. Walking in the yard on their own do not let each. I read somewhere that separate education for boys and girls in school before performed not only for the sake of chastity, but also because in the same age have different needs. Man with 8 to 14 years old must be worn, and move to fill the cones and learn to stand up for themselves, and not to sit still at a desk. Physiology not the same. The girls – on the contrary. Where did it all at modern kids?
In no case I do not call to ensure that the boys have broken arms and legs and smashed each other noses. But, probably, it is necessary to find some classes, where they would be splashed unspent energy for them. In today’s world, boys and so devoid of too much – almost 10 class of their parents carry in school. Because the majority of study and live in different areas, because the movement is that the release is terrible, and the subway is even more terrible. Alas, this is the reality of our lives. And 14-year-old lad is not escorted the girl to the house, it does not carry a briefcase. Because his briefcase with him by the home school are lucky dad in a car. You see, today’s girls have worse than us!
The magic word “must”
Yet I am convinced that it is very important to teach the boy the word “must”. Daddy of my friend, the chief doctor in the 90s out of work. And, without thinking twice, I went to the taxi drivers. Because it was necessary to feed the family. Because “it is necessary”.
The husband of my other friends in our time sitting at home for three years. They have a disabled child. To care for my grandmother, because the girlfriend is forced to work. Salary her a cheap, just enough for a meal. A man who to 35 years has held senior positions only, can now go to work as a private employee. Status wrong. And indeed he was not used to doing something that he does not like. It can work only where there is interesting, well-paid and appreciate it. What’s the manager! Already about a taxi driver and stutter nothing. And now, three years looking for a dream job. For him, there is no word “must”. And apparently, and it was not a child.
There are so many amusements, to the point and not so good. The fruit of endless educational and training sessions in the form of games. For five years it is still ok, but as they grow older child needs to understand that some things are not very interesting, but they also need to do (eg, homework unloved subject). A man is important to be able to do something, and contrary to their own, especially for my family. For example, sometimes get up at night to lull a baby to cry, giving the rest a tired wife.
In our school sports there is a very active young grandmother. Grandson brings. Grandson – the smallest of the team, and one of the best. Once one mother complained to her: “It’s so boring – to perform repetitive exercises. Why not do it all in the form of a game? “. Grandma replied to this: “They play at the end of training.” Mom was not abating, “It’s not enough. They are tired of the monotony. They should be interested in …. ” Here grandmother broke out: “You know what! These are your “interesting”, “carry away”, “entertain” – this is all in the circle sewing or singing studio. And here the boys and sports. “Fell – Press” – this should be the principle, if you want to grow a man. ”
Maybe too much. But the truth in her words there. We are waiting for the coach (not an animator!) In the sports section will dance around our children with tambourines, to inspire them. And the boy will learn discipline, overcoming himself, his laziness, his weaknesses and fears? No, I do not call to discipline them from morning to night and put on a pea. Everything is good in moderation. Which, incidentally, perfectly illustrated in the film “Officers”. Remember how it was raised by his grandparents grandson Vanya? He grew up in a military school. In one scene, the grandfather-General, a supporter of strict discipline, the grandmother scolded for “babskie tenderness”: she gave the money to her grandson trip to the zoo, he went to look at the hippo and of late dismissal. Grandma held her gently:
– Stop grumbling. I am glad that not a martinet, but a man will rise from Vani, able to appreciate beauty.
– Behemoth, for example ?!
– Imagine and hippo, too …
In the future, Vanya will put in charge of a major title early. School grandfather did not pass in vain. But the “value hippo” he also learned, and it is very necessary skill for a boy. To be able to empathize, to regret, to understand the weakness of others, to be lenient (oh how all this is useful in communicating with us, women!). That is why I do not talk to his son, “boys do not cry.” Crying. And feel. And it hurts. Just cry, they rarely do because it is only for a very serious occasion.
Do not be lazy and to save the world
Go ahead – work. And all the annoying men lazy, right?
My husband says that in 6 years he has been a favorite pastime – to change the wheel on the uncle’s car. Of course, under the supervision and guidance of the senior, but he is at this age already know the algorithm of actions and the extent of its powers wielded screwdriver. Plow the garden with my dad? It is not even discussed.
My four-year nephew with delight benzokosilke hung on until my grandfather put in order the lawn at the cottage. Helped! And when his grandfather began to mow once without him (the child slept), there were so many tears! The whole drama! Kids want to work, to work with adults.
Ideally, the field of view of the child should be working, “rukasty” Dad. With someone else to take an example? And here we are faced with another difficulty: the fathers of the current generation of children working in the office. Son sees every morning Dad goes on a kind of “work”. What is it, a small child difficult to understand – the whole day, uncles and aunts click on the computer buttons. Then, after returning home, Dad continued to press the buttons have a home computer. Not all the way, of course. But many.
It is clear that not everyone will come in handy skill to drive a tractor, dig potatoes, to cut trim in the future. Today’s children are likely to do any of this will come in handy. But it is not only the ability to cut the board, and that they are likely to lose something for its development, for the memories of their life erased a important step. I found for myself is only one solution – giving. There can be poured beds, help to collect leaves and grass. In the autumn of the son with his grandmother and grandfather dug carrots. With what pride he brought me a package that is fully assembled itself!
And the last. I heard once in a cafe conversation the pope and his son. The Pope asked the boy: “You are who you want to be when you grow up?”. – “Store manager”, – said the child, who looked to be about 6-7 years, not more. And Dad nodded approvingly.
Even our unlucky infantile peers his age wanted to become sailors, pilots and intelligence officers. Or tried to imitate the different Rimbaud and Bruce Lee. Commercial vein for men – a definite plus, but why he is in 6 years? Where is heroism? Selfless. To save the world?
It seems to me 10 years to every boy must pass a certain stage of the “dreams of the heroic” – to fly to Mars, to conquer the North Pole, to learn to control fighter jet … Become a brave, intelligent, decisive, to protect, to help, to punish “bad”. But certainly not dream of store manager positions.
We have a familiar businessman, who once tried to teach my child’s life, “Look, you buy an iPhone at the same price, and then sell on the other and benefit!”. I guess I’m old-fashioned, but I do not want for the son of master classes today. All in good time, and when it comes, I’ll teach him to capitalize and earn post. In the meantime, let the choice continues to suffer, whom did he become – “Gagarin” or “scholar-hockey player.”
Subject Education sons inexhaustible, a lot more you can talk. I would add only one thing that came to my mind during this writing: perhaps we should not see in the sons of boys and young men, and from this position to build your relationship with them. Perhaps, then many questions will disappear, and the difficulties will be solved.
I started to implement in life. About the results were reported.