On this subject it is very difficult to say, because for those who went through the horror of domestic violence, all the talk on this issue, causing great heartache. This is a serious injury, for many – for life. And life itself is often crippled.
According to statistics, at least 36% of Russian women at least once in their lives have been abused by family members. Most often spread by hand husbands. 18% of women are regularly beaten by her husband.
Someone once came up with a silly saying: “Beats – means love.” I think that it came up with the women themselves, who are unwilling or afraid to change anything in my life. Greater self-deception is difficult to imagine. This is equivalent to what someone says, ‘Kill for the love. ” Because love does not kill and do not beat. They kill and beat out of hatred.
In most cases, the manner to sort things out with his fists says the weakness of man’s nature. He lacks arguments in a conversation or an argument with his wife, and then he puts an end to a conversation with his fist. However, the threshold at which a man feels wounded, everyone has his own. For some, this is treason, and for some it is not enough heated soup.
The men, raising his hand on a woman, can be divided into three categories:
1. The man, who was brought to despair . Such a man can hit a woman in a state of violent emotion. Typically, this occurs only once in the home life. My friend’s husband hit after she told him that files for divorce. It was the first time in 25 years of their life together. This attack can be compared with a cry of despair, with a jump from the roof. For all that – it is the easiest option, because it will never happen again.
2. A man with a mental disorder . It is a variant of moderate severity, because as soon as the diagnosis, the wife with a pure heart files for divorce, because the wait is nothing. Will only lick their wounds and start a new life.
3. The man, prone to aggression . It is the most common type of rukoprikladnikov and the worst option. A characteristic feature of such a person – cyclical bouts of aggression. After another comes mordobitiya “honeymoon” period. Man asks for forgiveness, behaves as if he knew the guilt and remorse, it’s time more or less happy life. It seems that all behind. But it passes two or three weeks, maybe a few months, and attack again. For a couple of days before the next beating husband becomes irritable, he begins to find fault, seeking a reason for that “to punish.” The reason can serve as a mere trifle – enough toasted cake or 5 minutes later, I came home from work. It begins the scandal, the fight, the next day – and apologies again calm. Until next time. The greatest difficulty of this option is that the woman retained the illusion that one fine morning everything will change. He realizes that he was wrong, repent and stop. But this is just an illusion. Nothing will change until then, until he gets a fitting rebuff.
How to resist the violence?
I must say – it’s not easy. First of all, before you take retaliatory measures, weigh their strength: Do you have the determination to reach the end, and the end could be a divorce. Never threaten police, divorce, or even some sort of sanctions, if you are not mentally prepared for the fact, in order to fulfill his promises. Such empty threats only aggravate the situation, and the man only once again confirms the fact that the victim is not going anywhere.
Paradoxically, many of the male aggressors believe that a woman likes to be beaten. Therefore, wait for the start of calm and frank talk with her husband. Explain to him that you absolutely do not like the fact that he raises his hand to you. Of course, he will promise that more no-no. Do not believe. The tendency to aggression is similar to alcoholism. Actually, this is a mental disorder and should be treated, it passes itself. Clearly identify your position. The next time you call the police. He will, most likely, will not believe. Therefore, if the “next time” still come, do not make the mistake many women – do not regret it, “accident”, call the police.
Pity does not help
I want to talk a little bit of self-pity. I had a neighbor Masha. For forty years she had lived with her husband and forty years, once a month, he regularly beat her. Mary ran to the neighbors and begged him to call the police. The police came, took away the hubby, who, incidentally, immediately became quieter water below the grass, Mary accompanied this process with curses and threats to get even, and the next day ran to the police, paid a fine and rescues her spouse from the bullpen. And so every month. One day I asked her – what she initially requested to call the police, and then the husband buys itself? The answer was simple: “It is a pity the same!”
This is such a stupid self-pity – the most fertile soil for the aggressive behavior of men. Impunity gives rise to permissiveness. Many men are convinced that confidence and give them ourselves, we, the women, the passion that his wife is afraid to remain without a husband, and never to any extreme measures will not do. And that means that he has not done so had not done anything to it for it will not. You can mock as you want and does not bear any responsibility.
How to rein in rukoprikladnika?
If you beat the husband or other relative (father, brother, or son), then first of all it is necessary to appeal to the emergency room to fix the beatings. This should be done as quickly as possible, while traces of beatings. Sometimes this alone is enough to calm down dear husband, because such people are cowards and are afraid of publicity and punishment. Once you have on hand is a reference from the traumatologist, you can go to the police. Doing this too should be in hot pursuit. In such cases the police do not like it because of the fact that the first victim on the emotions the offenders are ready almost to Siberia on stage to share, and two days later take a statement and asked to stop the deal. That’s why I wrote that before taking measures, weigh their strength – can you reach the end? Do not run, yielding to attack pity withdraw the application? With the police have to be tough, so they took a statement. Relatives of the victim and the offender is not a reason not to take a statement.
What will happen then?
Most families after this break. Some are trying to start a new life. Each family in their own way solves the issue. One thing defined: wife beating – a shame for men and not for women. Especially sad that in some Orthodox families, husbands can afford to raise their hands to their wives. Some of “the virtuous” for these purposes even acquire special belts with prayer – “the crap out of a woman’s head beat.” Forget such zealous female humility, that the image of Christ for them. Can you imagine Christ, raised his hand to a woman?
St. John Chrysostom said of domestic violence:
“My husband beat his wife – is the extreme disgrace not only to beat anyone, but for someone who has. But what I’m talking about my wife? For a man of noble must seem disgusting to beat, and even raise a hand against a slave … the more dishonorable to raise his hand on the loose. It is known to everyone, even from pagan laws that wife endured beatings from her husband, did not oblige to live with him as unworthy of her cohabitation. And dishonor, as a slave, the girlfriend of his life, has long been necessary to help you in business, is it not a sign of extreme lawlessness? This man, if one can call him a husband, not a beast, I put on a par with patricide and matricide. “