And life has become a pop me a meeting with people who are in, not afraid unlike me. At first they called, I have only admiration. And then – frustration. On herself. You know, so oppressive, mixed with melancholy.
One of my stable work was associated with the restaurant business. And there I met a chef. Silent was such, and fanatically devoted to the work. He just fluttered over the stove and the table, poring over the pans and pots, Tinkering with seasonings and how cleverly and beautifully it handled the different instruments – zalyubueshsya! I admired regularly. It was close and could not take her eyes. And he did not seem to notice anyone around, and only when the finished design of dishes, decorating it before feeding the last sprig of parsley or the intricate pattern of some wonderful sauce for a minute as if waking up, returning to our world, looked around, winking at me embarrassed and immediately hurried to take up a new job. Even if there were no orders. He could no longer than five minutes without a cause.
And once I heard him singing along to some song on the radio. On a beautiful, perfect English. On another occasion – he sang in French. And it sounded some rap, and those who are even slightly familiar with the language, understand what it is not a simple matter for a foreigner – French rap. A few days later I saw the front of his workplace (on the chair) book. The name will not even try to play – too tricky, but something about the French postmodern aesthetics. Seeing the book, I rolled her eyes. And Acne (the name of the cook) hastened to hide her – “Oh … … forgot to remove the chief see – insert … Foreign objects in the kitchen – a violation of sanitary norms.” But something struck me was not so, and the title of the book, and – yes, I am ashamed of my snobbishness! – A book that reads the cook! What he may have to do with aesthetics and postmodernism? But it turned out that this is only the beginning …
Reluctantly, barely squeezing out a word, stammered, and seem to be constantly looking for where to escape, Vitaly answered my questions. I learned that he graduated from the Philosophical Faculty of Moscow State University. That his father – a Ph.D., in his time was even invited to the Sorbonne and was anxious that his son continued the dynasty. In principle, the son had to ability. Entrance exams he became a brilliant and learned so much that the Pope did not have to blush. But there was no desire. He even finished graduate school and tried to lecture … He tried hard. But in the end, recognizing that we have to live my life, not my father, I plucked up the courage to drop everything and become a chef. Because I wanted this all my life. Dad with him not talking ever since, and my mother – a teacher of higher mathematics – was happy that his son found themselves and even make a career.
Acne could not resist and boasted that call in six months ago in our cafe chef from Paris (from gourmet restaurants) noted his talent and invited for an internship. In general, he wants to open his own restaurant. Small, a few tables, and to have been regular guests, with the author’s kitchen. He said that he needed to learn a lot, and most importantly – practice. I have not talked to him for several years, but somehow I feel that all he has developed. Or is about to develop.
The inhabitants of the ground floor
There was also a publishing house in my professional life. Our department was located almost on the top floor – it was considered prestigious. But carriers occupied the basement, all courtesy call it “zero”, but it was a real cellar.
Supervised couriers Tatiana, a big, wholehearted, active and motherly loving his “slackers” woman. As soon as someone give negative against her charges, Tatyana literally overshadowed their breasts. And most of all she loved Kesha. This true love Russian women are “far beyond …”, which combined compassion, care and constant anxiety. Kesha recently turned 34 years old, he was never married and, apparently, in the near future it is not threatened. The girls did not perceive him as a man. He looked ridiculous. Cute, but … medium height, medium build, with a prominent belly, a little clumsy, bespectacled, with a huge mop of unruly curly hair and a long nose. Dressed always been like a daddy’s shoulder. He spoke little, and when he said, staring at the floor and shrugged his shoulders. And his voice was quiet, quiet. A man with such a voice is strange. Without thinking, Tatiana took Kesha under his wing.
The rest of the inhabitants of our publishing house belonged to Kesh with sympathy, but it was used mercilessly. Thanks to their diligence, a pathological responsibility and that the worst, the inability to say no Kesha has always swamped with work. Alas, despite all the efforts of his boss and protector.
The marketing department has worked Jana. Kesha was in love with her secretly. Rather, it seemed to him that secret. All have long guessed about everything, including Ian.
Jan was 27, a year ago she successfully married. She was a native of a country town, and after graduation came to the capital to find a wealthy husband. Attractive, slim and flirtatious fashionista. Always I go with heels. As Ian once she admitted, if there was a choice between “eat” or “buy a new rags,” she always chose the latter. To find the right husband, Ian got a job in a large company, engaged in finance. In the personnel department – she wanted to know all of the staff – or rather, the size of their salaries. There’s something she figured her future husband. Wealthy, well-fed, not very attractive, but the generous and loving. Jan calmed down and targeting the career, which came and (thanks to her husband’s affairs) in the marketing department, as deputy head.
After marriage, she has not lost the ability, and most importantly, love of coquetry. He is smiling all the men of the publishing house. And Kesha was unable to avoid the charms of our Yanochka. It is possible to do it the first time in the life of a girl flirted. He looked at her without blinking, and during the conversation somehow never smiled, was very tense, as if afraid to miss something very important and responsible as an A student in the exam – clear, concise, in fact. And when in our study do repairs and change the furniture, Kesha personally “knocked out” for Jana is the best table and a chair. And he gathered them together.
Then one morning, when we all gathered in the office, exchanged news and plans, and sank in their computers, there was a cry of Jana: “Kesha goes!”
– Where? Who!
– Kesha … – Ian gasped. – Letter came. From Tatiana … He dismissed …
– Kesha ??? Like this?!
Anybody for anything and I could never come up with the idea that once Kesha leave. What he ceases to be an inhabitant of the ground floor and will be engaged in something else! Probably, no news could not shake more and at the same time seem more absurd.
Jan immediately rushed to call Tatiana Lvovna. She sobbed as if the universe had collapsed. She sobbed for a long time, and then, reassured, began to tell.
Kesha a child wanted to be a musician, but a mother at her son’s dream did not have no money, no time. She was torn three jobs. For Kesha and his younger brother looked after the neighbor. In high school, the boy bought a tutorial on playing the guitar, and a classmate traded old instrument to some videotape. He began trying to study. But my mother soon became seriously ill and took to her bed. Kesha, failing to finish school, become the sole breadwinner.
The certificate he received with grief in half, only through compassionate director, who spared the boy, forced to work as a loader. Through earnings Keshi his younger brother was educated, and then found a bride from a good family, married, and has stopped communicating with his mother and older brother. Even on their wedding notified after the fact. Mom could not stand such a blow and died shortly. A Kesha then turned thirty. He loved my mother and very homesick for her. One could, of course, to begin to live for yourself, go to college, but Kesha shy. And his strength was not there.
A dream still was. It was she who forced Kesha, after a year of work in our publishing house, to once again take up the guitar and tutorial. Later, he found a teacher and gave him lessons for almost his entire salary. Nearly three years of his life consisted of courier parcels and guitar lessons. All. Nothing else. And then, finally, he gave the documents to the conservatory, passed the exams and entered …. On internal branch classical guitar.
What was going on in the soul of this nondescript, modest person at a time? What he experienced when walking on the Conservatory corridors? When I am waiting for their turn on the exam? And when he learned that entered … But the main thing – some inner strength, lust, courage, courage should have to like this, despite the fact that life seems everything is in its place, she said – “do not go! do not dream, “take – and not only dream, but also to achieve his?
Do not be stupid! Where you …
Later, on my way to meet the girl who at age 34, after a successful career in the construction company, suddenly a miracle all he enrolled in medical school. She just always wanted to work on a “first” because “this is a real job that brings benefit.” And construction was, as she admitted, delusion, that terrible throw.
Another friend – Vic. She dreamed of becoming an actress, but it did not pass the competition, and that year is not lost, entered the philological faculty. It was ugly, closed, plump, and still wearing braces. Above it on the course we laughed – such a ridiculous, does not enjoy success with the opposite sex. And when someone miraculously learned that she came to the cast, almost openly twisted his finger to his temple – “where you become an actress something ?! Absolutely mind lost ?! “And she still came. Four years later. And then I got a job in the theater (as opposed to the most beautiful classmate), where she played comic roles. She appeared his fans and admirers. It does not matter that the theater is small, without the “big names”, it is not a “star”, not “a media person,” but she does what he likes.
Lena and Natasha studied at the Faculty of Law and were best friends. Natasha – practices, realist, strong-willed and grip, guarded and guided him enthusiastic, romantic, “not of this world” girlfriend. Lena wrote poetry, imitating Veronica Tushnova and wanted to paint. Rather, she always wrote them, and dreamed that painting has become a matter of her life. The artist wanted to be, in general. Natasha, it was worth to come talk about art, let go of caustic remarks caustically ironic and reminded: “How old are you ?! What a children’s nonsense ?! The artist … On Arbat draw cartoons ?! Do not be stupid! “Lena tried not to make a fool of. About five years.
But in the end, I could not stand it. Gone from the law firm. Going nowhere. She left because she could not be there physically could not. Natasha did not understand such a “lunge”, and hoped that the relationship gone mad and come to its senses. But Lena got a job as an intern at a magazine dedicated to photography and art. The magazine was closed a year later, and Lena entered the art studio. There followed years of work, find themselves, their style, learning, training … reproaches from their parents – “it is time itself in the foot to become, rather than wander not understand where” the criticism of the overly confident creators – “child, the ability of course there but it is not necessary to dedicate this life … “cooling friendship with Natasha … and it was the most painful.
Lena felt alone, helpless, bitter thought that was wasting his time, and its place is actually in a law office. It was only after five years of Natasha received from Lena’s invitation to her first solo exhibition. The discovery turned out beautiful: music, photographers, magazine editors, everything is thought out to the smallest detail. What kind of feedback received works Lena! Dream, and only. However, Natasha did not come. And over time, Lena stopped because of this experience, and now she had her paintings, her work, her own way.
A couple of thoughts about all told
But more often I meet people who sighed and told as a child dreamed of the ballet on the stage or scientific work, the work of a teacher of elementary grades or in the studio, but life was such that we have to hold it in the office, filling ekselevskie tables and moving from meeting to meeting, but is stable and it seemed no worse than others. After all, life is a complicated thing.
And whether or not an adult sane person to take risks, to step into the unknown, where, most likely, it will be disappointed, and the non-recognition, when there is stability, salary, customary standard of living?
I’m not a psychologist, not an analyst, and some well-done scientific conclusions can not rely only on its own experience and on what I saw. And I can see that people who are engaged in favorite business, and look like something better, and temper them easier, and they seem to be happier. And yet, when I meet these adults held for 30 managers who decided to suddenly become photographers, cooks, seamstresses, I can not help feeling that they live in the present. They somehow despair (in the good sense of the word) live every day, rich, happily, as if making up for the “wasted years”.
Yes, and it is not necessary to dream to be a great scholar, a global rock star, or even someone “universal scale.” What is important is the fact that you did not give up on your dreams, your desires, but just “their” place call.
Probably only then the person feels full. You know, that feeling is when you take over for a long and difficult affair, but the arguments did it until the end. And you feel like a winner – I did it!
“I painted a portrait of his friend,” “I am tied copyrights, ideal children’s hats!”, “I have learned to draw on Penke cappuccino peacock!” …
And these people, even if they did not become famous and rich, but eventually some did better than their friends successful top managers. Because life is one, sorry for banality. And Kesha, Wick, Lena, and the like, at its sunset will smile, will not be sorry that did not, did not try, do not dare. Do not be with them this subjunctive “ah, here if I had …” and justifications like “yes I could, but life is such circumstances … it is impossible to get through without connections …”
And have you tried?