How to wean children from soda to give what s toys? How to raise children in Orthodoxy and how to talk to them about death?

Yulia Pavlyuchenkova – mum of four blood and seven adopted children. It not only manages to bring them together with her husband Nikolai Kazakov, but also actively participates in public life. Julia – President of the National Anti-Drug Union, Chairman of the Board of the Orthodox Charitable Foundation “Want to Believe” is carrying out a mission in support of the Orthodox Church in the Republic of Abkhazia, PhD in Political Science, author and presenter of programs on Orthodox radio “Radonezh”. Without any “secrets” of education can not do everything to keep up and maintain a harmonious relationship in the family.

scoring system

We assembled it from various psychologists. The essence of the system is that if the child himself, without reminders, runs the bed, brushing his teeth, washes, cleans shoes and neatly folds his things after school, he gets points. And for those points you can purchase additional benefits in the form of a trip to the cinema, water park, go up the hill to ride in the winter snow, to see further movies, play computer strategy.


We have in this sense, as in the army. There is no such thing as like / dislike, want it / I do not want it. That is, perhaps, the children and think like that, but as adults, eat what is put on the table. It always surprised at kindergartens and schools, “How are your children eat fish ?!”. We try to translate the respect for the food to cook it and say, “What the Lord gave, and then eat.” If the child does not want to have, naughty, we just decided it: “Do not you want to eat – do not eat. Until the next meal you are free. ”

We are very responsible attitude to health, to food, to the quality of life and are translating it to their children. If they see an ad somewhere yogurt, chips, crackers, then begin: “Oh, crackers! Oh, chips! “In this situation, we begin to talk about the impact of genomodefitsirovannoy soy supplements. We do this for many years, talking about nutrition, about what kind of food should be what you can not. At first I did not understand what all this talking, because the reaction to the chips and the other was still enthusiastic. A few years later I saw them the same information that I have continued to broadcast them, talk to other children – why can not eat crackers, why can not eat chips, why not drink soda. I was pleased, because over time the children developed a position, and I hope that it will move already in their family.

about clubs

I do not know whether it is the legacy of my childhood, or just a perception of life, but I am convinced that everyone should play sports. Furthermore, in my opinion, girls must sing, choreographing. The latter is necessary for the plastics, to posture, to gait. Plus, the boys must be engaged in power sports. Our family history is a struggle. Classes struggle give the boys coordination, fosters their spirit, strengthen their willpower, teaches them to be more resistant, stronger. And yet all of our children are involved in drawing.

about watch

Every child in the week has a day shift. This includes here and dishwashing, and cleaning, and cleaning off the table, help the younger in dressing, cleaning beds. If something is taken away, we know with whom to ask, whose area of responsibility this particular day.

about the game

All children – different. Serge, for example, generally can not play with toys, everything that falls into his hands, breaks down after 10-15 minutes the field of the games and more can not be restored. Girls playing together, they have the usual role-playing games, daughters and mothers, for example. Kolya not easy to play, and study the life of plants, butterflies, life, life dolls, life beetles to catch someone, put in jars.

We do not consider ourselves the right to go into the inner life of the child and get them to play certain games. Because we buy gifts that match the interests of the child. It is a scientific experiment, or just airplanes, cars that do not mind that they will be broken down for ten minutes.

I am convinced and believe that children should be the most private space, solitude with nature, the opportunity to go, to run, to walk, to tinker a stick in the ground, dig up something there, to see how everything is growing, as the water flows as running creek, wet with his feet. We treat this very calmly, apparently, because we live in the nature, at his home. It is through contact with nature, participate in its life and awareness of themselves as part of her child develops and realizes its place, the purpose of himself as a person.

About education in Orthodoxy

During my parents’ time, I had a variety of experiments. Starting from compulsions and long daily morning and evening prayers, walking several times a week at vespers and liturgy until complete peace of mind in this matter, even in the case of the strong resistance of the child. Today I came to the conclusion that the child is forced to bring up in the Orthodox faith is impossible. If forced to grow apostate, may be such as those that sometime in the seventeenth of the twentieth century demolished churches, killing priests. On the other hand, if it does not affect the child’s upbringing in the faith, this faith he suddenly appears. And there is nothing better than your own example and the example of my friends I have not found. Around us there is such a medium in which people quietly talking to Orthodox threads of life aligned to the Orthodox calendar, they live according to holidays, posts, some events of the Russian Orthodox Church, and most importantly – participate in the sacraments and try all our actions to build so that they are not contrary to the faith. Children look at it, look at us, and this life is natural for them.

And I noticed that it was important personality of the parish priest, clergy or friends of the individual religious. Since our family are often a variety of guests, and we go to different monasteries, the children, various meetings are of great importance. They fondly remember about them or worry if these people took some complicated events. Children often ask them questions about the very deep relationship with God.

about morality

Literally every day, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors there are any events that may also hear the children. For example, Mary did not come overnight, Peter led the girl. It seems to me very important to broadcast their positions with regard to this. We older guys could say, “Mom, can we get something going, we’ll take a Nastya”. What I’m very clear presence of younger and very clear voice of their own position, that home can bring his wife to spend the night and you can only wife, so the boys, please, keep this in mind.

Very similar dialogue is conducted with girls, for example: “I grew up, seeking a man, and we will love.” We start talking about the stages of love, about falling in love, about the test in understanding whether a person yours, about the blessing of the confessor, the parents, about marriage, wedding, and after that about the family life, the appearance of children.

In my opinion, very important is a clear translation of his own position, even when you’re talking about her neighbor, and think that no one will hear. It may be that this conversation will be heard, and it will form the basis of the findings, which make your kids.

about death

In my opinion, in conversations with the children, talking about God, talking about human life must be present talk about death. When one died the grandmother, the other grandmother was dying, dying friends, relatives, we first thought to protect children, but then realized that it would be very wrong position. We talked about the fact that a person lives a certain number of years, and that the earlier people lived longer, read excerpts from the Old Testament, that lived and eight hundred and six hundred and four hundred years. The death of friends or relatives – it is an occasion to talk about sin, about man, about ready to die, to talk about life after death, that is, in the tradition of the Church. In my opinion, this topic should stop taboo.