I still remember. It was New Year, 2013th. I quietly doing some chores, open the mail – and I see a post from a friend forwarded her friends list on Facebook – “especially disgusting,” as she put it – from the man we call, say, Daniel.
The post was:
“2012-m was a terrific year for me. I went with my wonderful works at NBC and returned to Chicago. I started dating my angel – Jamie Holland. I started to practice yoga (thanks Jake Fischer and John Perlstein!) I recorded an album with Matthew Dzhohannsonom. He has recorded another album, which is very proud of. Hang out with Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell has worked with over the stunning design. I talked with Barack Obama about David Gregory. She Danced. I won a couple of awards. He helped his sister to her summer holiday. Many sailed. Slightly I played golf. I cried more than you might think. I went to Miami for NBA final match. He wrote in Twitter. It was amazing weddings in New York State. He drank an incredible amount of milk. I learn to make sculptures out of sand. I saw a wonderful light show. Ready to work with Jamie. I dug in the garden with Jamie. I watched the series with Jamie. I struggled with Jamie. I laughed for hours with Jamie. I fell in love with the family Jamie. He worked on the play. Played World of Warcraft. A lot of playing the guitar. Actually, I had an incredible, fucking year. The world, I love you. “
By the time I finished reading, I realized that my hand, which does not compress the phone, squeezes my forehead. On my face was the same expression as if I was forced to watch in real time how people with skinned slow.
This post was literally all bad.
But rather than recoil from the horror, I dove into it. I read and reread it, fascinated by how you can write something so disgusting.
It made me think about making positions in social networks terrible. Basically it all comes down to one simple rule:
“Madden those posts that are written” for themselves “and do not bring any positive to those who read it.”
Let’s start the discussion with those positions that do not irritate. In order not to cause irritation, the post must be at least a interesting (informative), a funny, fun, fun.
You know, why are not annoying? Because these two categories of posts do something for me, the reader, personally. They make my day a little better.
Ideally interesting posts should be exciting and original (or referring to something like that), and funny – very funny. But I will go and just fun – in any case, we are still the good guys.
Those annoying, are typically written to achieve one of these five purposes:
1) make-up the image of a. The author wants to influence the way people think of him.
2) narcissism. The thoughts and opinions of the author do matter. The author and his life are interesting in themselves.
3) thirst for attention.
4) the desire to cause envy to the life of the author or authors.
5) loneliness. The author feels lonely and wants the social network helped him.
This is the least obnoxious of these five points, but see superodinokogo person in social networks superodinochestve me – and everyone else, admit! – “Sad.” In other words, the man simply circulate around their sadness, and it’s bad, so I make such positions in the list.
Social networks are literally infected with this infection – apart from a few holy men frankly, almost everyone I know, including, of course, I was guilty of that fasting similar stuff from time to time. It’s an epidemic!
Let’s point out the most frequent crimes.
So: in front of you 7 ways to become unbearable in social networks.
Bragging in social networks have so much that you have to break it down into three sub-sections:
1a) “I live a cool life”
Description: This post, which aims – to show that your life is cool, even in the large sense (got a dream job, a degree, bought a marvelous apartment), albeit in a small (leaving for a delightful vacation ahead fucking weekend, go cool to hang out with friends today was a beautiful day).
“Guess who just accepted to Harvard!”
“I’m going to the championship final with Dave, Matt, Paul and Andy. Saturday, I love you! ”
Reasons for uploading: make-up image (I am successful, I am happy, I have a cool life), thirst envy.
At best, you just really rejoice their lives and want to tell everyone about it, and at worst – just what you want, that people have decided that their lives are worse, and envy you. It is clear, but on this particularly nasty attempt to get people to see you in a certain light.
Let’s imagine that you are just excited and want to show off. If so, then the only people to whom normally brag about – they are your close friends, your partner and your family, and for this there are bragging mail, phone and live chat. Your moment of complacency insanely annoying people with whom you are close, and they constitute the majority of those who read the post.
1b) cover of boasting
Description: like a blatant bragging, but a very weak cover. This modest boast, and incidental, and boast in the guise of anger, and so on.
“Well, now the doctoral give absentees and drunks. It was then that my map and flooded! ”
“I’m going to travel in the summer, maybe someone is looking for an apartment in SoHo in July and August?”
“While walking home, I whistled twice, twice pobibikali and one car almost got into an accident because the driver was impatient to brake and popyritsya me. Sometimes I just hate men. ”
Reasons for uploading: make-up image, thirst envy.
On the one hand, these people at least understand that bragging need something to cover. On the other hand, they are driven by the same motivations as the bouncers frank and honest, compared to the first group of them look almost pleasant.
1c) “I’m in terrific relationship”
Description: The public expression of your very positive feelings to your partner, or a story about what you have an ideal relationship.
“Got a surprise – a trip to Vermont for two nights in a hunting lodge. All that I can say – wow, what a great guy I “!
“Thank you, Rachel, for the best year of my life!”
“Saturday, rain, pizza, games and movies with his wife. Really great. ”
Reasons for uploading: make-up image (by the way, I have a boyfriend, I have a wonderful relationship), thirst envy.
The motives here are transparent. The only neotvratitelnaya reason may be that a similar position – an attempt to strengthen the relationship, because to talk about it publicly is more important than to say personally. But … do you really want to drag hundreds of extras in it, simply because not figured out how to be more interested in a partner?
There is a funny reason – if the guy is a post because he is in something naughty in front of a girl, or a guy friend of his girlfriend once something is written – and since then his own girl waiting for him the same behavior.
In fact, this justification is not, because if you itch to communicate his love all over the world and Facebook, there are plenty of acceptable ways to do this – to lay out a photo, for example, or enjoy Like and comment on three occasions: when you change the status to “in relationship “,” engaged / a “and” married / married. ”
2) The mystery of
Description: post, which shows that in your life there is something good or bad, but without details.
“ALL. I never go over to visits. ”
“This could be the DV-to-day Assn …”
“At such moments, you realize that all the work is worth it!”
Reasons for uploading: craving attention.
Naturally, these positions will always be comments and questions, and fun to watch, as the author would react. The authors in these cases are divided into the following categories:
a) Star – the author is silent, why commentators look like his enthusiastic fans.
b) the type of girl “dear little thing” – the author explains it in the comments, that means that he was ready to discuss it in public, but did not want to just speak frankly, wanted his pougovarivat.
c) the hero-partisan – talking about something bad, and the author is responsible, but not pricked: he is unhappy, but “did not want to talk about it.”
g) Printsesska – talk about something steep, the author is responsible, but not prickly: it’s something really cool, and “yet I can not say, but soon everyone will know!” Now that you’re waiting with bated breath, yeah. There generally is a special case, because it means that the author of the bargain driven narcissism, envy, lust and desire to energize the image. A wonderful man.
3) monosyllabic lytdybr (description of details of everyday life)
Description: it is that the message about their status quo in the ordinary sense.
“I went to the gym, then read”.
“Finally I finished essay!”
Reasons for uploading: loneliness, narcissism, the confidence that the “status” (on facebook) – this is the actual status quo.
Here is a diagram.
Description: The public message from one person to another, which shall not be made public.
“Miss! When zatusit? ”
“Cool weekend with Julie Epstein and Emily Rothschild. I love you, girl. ”
All jokes for a narrow circle.
Reasons for uploading: make-up image, thirst envy, narcissism, or you no longer 80 years old and you do not know that between the public and private post a message there is a difference.
If you are not a grandmother, to do so not worth it. In fact, to this post, there are plenty of bad reasons. Here they are:
– Seem cool and sociable and to put your life bright and cheerful;
– To show everyone what you are with good friends recipient of the message;
– Cause envy.
Because, to be honest, you behave as if you are in school, and if you – one of the universal favorites and stars, so all wondering who you tusite.
The only option that I like is if this message is to cause envy and jealousy in a particular person who sees it – a former partner or friend. This wickedness is so excessive that overstep the limits and becomes steep.
5) Thanks mom, dad and the Academy knows where
Description: The sudden outpouring of love is not known where and who knows.
Example: “I just want to say how grateful I am to all those who have touched my life. Your support means everything to me, and I was not able to overcome a lot of that had fallen on me in the past year without you! ”
Reasons for uploading: craving attention.
I refuse to believe that you truly enjoy all of its 800 my friends in facebook. And if you suddenly rolled forward against friends and family, is it worth to express public office? Maybe write them personally will be better? But it does not matter, because there is something it is not about that.
Here is what can be reduced to a simple “Hey, everyone! I’m here! Hugs! “You know that inevitably, in response to this post will come from dozens of emoticons shaking hands and other huskies. You do not make it feel a little beggar? When you’re writing a post, it’s not like you – it is you want to feel the love of self.
The only time it is acceptable as-is when it is part of the huge public cuddle, say, New Year’s Eve. If you open Facebook in the New Year holidays, there will be hundreds of such speeches. (I would be without them easy to cost, to be honest.)
6) It is inconceivable banal opinions
Description: After a big event with the opinion of the post, which we have heard already 100,500 times.
“I wholeheartedly support the Egyptian people and their struggle for freedom. Everyone has the right to freedom, and I pray for their victory. ”
“I think and pray about the families in Newtown after this terrible tragedy. I do not find the words to express my sorrow for those who have lost a child. ”
“Something in the actions of Obama during the first term I was disappointed, but I’m glad that he was re-elected, and I hope that in the second term, he will make a lot of the right.”
Reasons for uploading: narcissism, make-up image (I have here is an opinion, I’m smart and I can say things adults).
This is annoying:
a) because you do not say anything as something original and interesting that the media are already covered from every possible angle, and
b) because you have a little background on poziruete large, and often tragic, events.
The sadness you feel at the thought of the deaths of children in this case is not important, and does not need to describe how the event looks like when you look at it through your lens – especially if this lens is just clear glass. If I want to file a garnish tragedy of narcissism, I will read the tweets of stars on it.
7) Step to Enlightenment
Description: wisdom just for no reason at all.
“Peace comes from within. Do not look for it outside “(Buddha).
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths “(Proverbs 3: 5-6).
“I do not understand what is the meaning of all New Year’s resolutions and statements, that next year will be different. If you want to improve yourself, to be no matter what day of the year. I? I’ll be the same tomorrow as it is today. ”
Reasons for uploading: make-up image, narcissism.
Oh, how I would then begin something even.
First, note that in Step to Enlightenment does not appear any humility from the fact that you are quoting someone else – all the same message of lenient, according to the principle: “Hey, friend, I’m the one who knows how to, learn, so too is enlightened. ”
Second, you know what inspires people? If you reach for something incredible and will be an example and an inspiration to others. To your words have such power, you have to be a gifted speaker or writer who has something original to say – and we both know that it’s not about you. So to think that you are someone inspire census banal quote – this is somewhat narcissistically, because you think that inspire, just because you – it is you.
Thirdly, let us recognize that in fact you want to recharge their image. You want people to see what you are enlightened, and have admired your spiritual path.
* * *
Post our acquaintance Daniel was a kind of achievement: in just one paragraph, he managed to combine all of these categories and motivation. However, under this post was husky and a couple of friendly comments.
And that is why it is intolerable behavior will never go away from social networks – we have dislayka button, or “rolled his eyes” key, or “showed the middle finger” button, and there is an unwritten rule that absolutely should not be a bastard in the comments. So annoying posts have their share of positive support, and people remain unaware that they regularly degrade the quality of life of all the others.
More broadly, the qualities that dictate writing annoying posts, natural for people: all need sometimes boast all have moments of weakness, when they need attention or they feel lonely, and all have frankly ugly side, which sooner or later They find themselves.
And for that you have those who love you.
What does not understand, Daniel, and many others, is that of the 800 my friends in facebook, love them just 10 or 15. If this is a wonderful person, maybe even 30. In general, somewhere 1-4%. This means that 96-99% of your friends to do not like you.
People who do not like you, care about you, how was your day, how is your life. They are unlikely to suffer for you especially, and they just do not want to see the bad side of your character. And what you have written in order to cater for their emotional needs or selfish, just should not appear on their computer screen.
Okay, I went. In the gym, then dinner, then home, then sleep.
The material was originally published on waitbutwhy.com . Translation is made especially for Catherine Lavrentieva Matrony.Ru.