I once met an article written by a divorced man, which were really smart advice for those who live in marriage. The author can only be a standing ovation – it takes a lot of courage to speak openly about their mistakes. And doubly deserve respect those who divorce after just says that could be married to do otherwise, and even explain how.
However, in this article, of which I speak, there was no sight of the woman. And after reading it, I decided to write down what I found out in the last 10 years. Now I am in the third marriage, and people tend to hesitate, having learned about it, and seemed to expect that I, too, will be ashamed of this fact. Both of my divorce was one of the most difficult periods in my life, but what I really am ashamed to admit, it’s the fact that during that time I learned nothing.
For my current wife is also not the first marriage, and so we are now at the very least know how to behave with your partner and what better not to do. Do not misunderstand me, my marriage is not perfect, but it’s past mistakes to help me today to decide how to behave with her husband. I learned a lot, and now I have something to get.
So, I bring to your attention our version of the tips to create a happy union – a woman who has behind him a grim experience of divorce.
Respect your husband
Notice I did not say: “Respect your husband when he deserves it.” A man more than anything else needs to be respected, and his wife’s respect for him is the most desirable. This is a trap into which we all come across: Respect must be earned. Yes, we want our spouse behaved similar to our attitude was well-deserved, but the truth is that your husband is – an ordinary man. And it will be wrong. But this is the man you have chosen to go through life together, he undertook to lead the whole family – and already for that it should be respected.
Use these tips and you will see: respect no matter what inspire your spouse deserve is your attitude every day.
This does not mean that you have to pretend that he made the right decision when it is not. Such things can and should be discussed, but you can do it with respect. It will change everything for your husband.
Take care of your heart
The grass is not greener in the neighbor. Do not believe the lie that your husband is slimmer, it earns more, is more expensive car or an apartment, will make you a happier woman. The world around us is very diverse, and around every now and then will remind us that we are not the owners of all the best – but it’s not true. Live the life that is given to you, and be grateful for it.
I realized that we all have problems, and it happens that I want to become the owner of a spacious house, but the extra square footage does not bring satisfaction – it brings relationships with people. Protect your heart from all those who will try to convince you that you or your spouse are not good enough. There is always something bigger, faster, higher, stronger – but even if you get it, you will not be satisfied until you learn to be content with what you have now.
God, husband, children – in that order
I know that today is not too popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. Faith for me is of great importance, it is the first in my life, no matter what happens. But no matter what your religion the husband should be more important than children. I’m not talking about when you are married to the abuser or abyuzerom (in this case, I suggest you seek help, then my article is useless), but no sane man in his right mind would ask you to throw the children to provide their needs.
When we sit in the plane, the flight attendants tell us the safety rules even before takeoff. And when they talk, how to use an oxygen mask, you are reminded that first it is necessary to put on, and then the child. Is it because they believe that we are more important than children?
Of course not. But you can not help your child if they themselves will not breathe. This rule also works in the family and parenthood. You can not properly educate your child, if your marriage breaks down. I tried to do so – it does not work. Also, inevitably the day will come when children grow up and leave his father’s house, to live their lives and fulfill their dreams. If you have not invested in the relationship with her husband, then both will remain in the empty nest and the empty heart.
Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. If you forgive will become your habit – forgive everything from major errors and finishing the daily minutiae (every day I forgive her husband that he throws her a wet towel on the bathroom shelf, rather than to hang it on a hook) – your anger will not be grow.
I used to be a bad habit of not talking about what I feel. I played in a standard game, “You must know why I’m angry,” and it was just not fair. Men are not as sensitive as a woman, and they just do not always know that they behave indifferently. I’m still learning, and sometimes the husband has to “earn” the truth from me, but I try to remember that you need to talk about what I feel.
Schedule regular visits
You’ve probably already heard about it, but it is very important. Never stop going on dates with your spouse. Even if you can not afford dinner at the restaurant and going to the movies (we rarely get to do this), you need to regularly spend time alone with each other. Do not talk about the family budget, and schedule of the children. We Frankie often dream together about our future or planning a vacation of our dreams. It is supported by our emotional connection and we learn something new about each other, but have been together for four years.
Never say the word with the letter “P”
And if you are going to say, then say the earnest. Simply put, to threaten divorce fair. I have done so many times in their previous marriages. I’m not proud of, but I’ve learned not to make that mistake again. Yes, I was hurt and tried harder to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.
Learn his love language
Each of us is the language of love. The way you perceive it, is often different from how it does with your husband. He needs you to it encouraged and supported, or he prefers material gifts? Whatever his language of love – learn it and use it.
Never speak ill of him
I was given a hard time this lesson. Even if your marriage is going through difficulties and you need advice, it is best to consult a psychologist. Family psychologist – is a great way to solve the problem. And remember that your family and friends can not be objective and can not always give you wise advice. They know only one side of the conflict and are often set up negative for other family members. Accessing such people are unlikely to help you. Protect her husband by those close to you and ask for help to those who can take a neutral position. Important news ladies – your mother can not be objective!
choose to love
In marriage it is that you can wake up one day and feel that is no longer in love. All the same, choose love. Often times when a husband you no longer attracts. Choose love. Remember? “In sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy.” The vows not say ” if you happen to trouble.” It says, “In sorrow and in joy.” This means that the hard times will come necessarily. Problems in life are inevitable, they happen to everyone. Therefore, choose to love him – he deserves it.
The material was originally published on the website familyshare.com . Translated by Catherine Surkov specifically for Matrony.Ru.